Past Opinion Articles
Article for the week of 10/20/06
Xphile Tapes XII Plus I: That Lying
Cheating Git Superman
By, Grey Xphile
Okay, first a brief explanation of the numbering.
Just recently we had a Friday the That Number. If you add up the digits
of that date, That Number/10/2006, you wind up with That Number.
Now Iím not overly superstitious, however I also donít believe in taking
chances of any stripe.
Luck may not exist, however thatís no reason to start mooning everything
around you just to prove a point.
Now, the story, such as it is. Again a brief explanation of the title,
itís a bit wrong since there are no tapes this time around. No one was
willing to be committed to a recording, Iím not even allowed to quote
anyone for fear of just what this guy might do to anyone speaking out
While I may fear circumspect use of That Number I fear no man leaping
about in tights!
Okay, maybe Spiderman, however thatís very much grounded in a very real
belief that when he takes that mask off heís a reporter, and therefore
Not so with Superman!
What could I possibly have against the squeakiest clean superhero of them
How about we start with this whole ďtruth, justice and American wayĒ crap.
I mean look at him. If he were all for truth heíd have beaten the living
snot out of every politician available, if justice mattered heíd have
made sure that American Idol never reached the airwaves, and as for the
American Way, thatís an intangible idea prone to change with the maturity
of the society itís based upon, so whatís he defending, the Way of his
day or the Way we stick to now with microwavable breakfast burritos with
no real meat product?
Sorry to rant, but this guy is just wrong and now heís gone too far.
I donít mean his suspected involvement with the Supervillain Games. Not
that I wouldnít credit him for wanting all his enemies in one nice, easy
to heat vision from orbit place, but thinking isnít his strong spot.
Crap, I just gave him an idea.
Weíll leave off the suspected romance with Lois Lane, a contemporary of
mine, probably better known as the woman whoíll do anything for a Pulitzer
after masquerading as a pirate stripper marauding across Nevada just to
get an interview with Mel Gibson during one of his benders.
Letís just say that there canít be any truth to the relationship rumours
because a human woman and a man who is physically indestructible and superfast
would result in a woman with a liquefied pelvis.
Come on, get real. Think of what would happen when taking a jackhammer
to chocolate cake.
So now youíre all wondering what Iíve uncovered. Why I bet most of you
are now thinking that it couldnít possibly be so bad as to tarnish the
reputation of Earthís foremost superhero. I donít think any of you are
going to change your opinion even once Iíve delivered the shocking news
of what it is that I know.
Well you know what, Iím not going to tell you. Everyone out there can
just sit and wonder what it is that Superman keeps from everyone so that
we donít think less of him.