Past Opinion Articles
Article for the week of 7/18/06
A College Proposal: The Lessons
By, Paul Mann (Editor and Pun Meister.)
As another summer passes, many high school students ponder their possible
futures. They consider entering the work force, others might enter the
military and another group thinks about college. The university setting
can be the greatest adventure of them all. Yet, most incoming freshmen
soon realize that they know a heck of a lot less than they were lead to
believe. Take notes fish of higher learning, for you shall soon know the
joys of financial debt (not the kind of debt you experience when you lose
your allowance), how pathetic your previous instruction was and what you
should avoid if you plan to make it later on.
For those of my fellow students that have spent a good 4 to 10 years in
the university system, they might find that their personal mascot would
be the hobo. Begging for loose change, leaping at the chance of a free
meal and wearing clothes that would get one banned from Hollywood can
attest to this truth. Why the hobo and not a rich and prosperous icon?
Well, by the time you finish paying off the various loans and credit cards
you piled up going through the education process, youíll be living like
a hobo in no time. Of course, this wouldnít be the case if our wonderful
government actually gave half a ratís posterior about students.
Thatís right Timmy (or fill in name here), unless your parents are multibillionaires
you wonít be able to enjoy your life in the real world until your first
social security check shows up. (If it even exists in a few years) Besides,
Uncle Sam is too busy trying to deny people of healthcare and the freedom
of speech to bother with free tuition. Just take a look at the generous
rise in loan interest rates if you donít believe me. So prepare to work
a full time job or enter prostitution because a majority of you wonít
see a pennyís worth of assistance. Or do what the poorest section of the
population does and forget higher learning altogether.
Think you are prepared to tackle the rigorous hours of studying and college
curriculum? All right, just donít fool yourself into believing that your
previous years in class have really prepared you. Seriously, these childrenís
books and jokes you call lessons you picked up in high school will seriously
leave you knowing diddly squat if you didnít do plenty of extra preparing
time on your own. Thatís because schools have to spend valuable time and
funds attempting to not leave any child behind. Then again, it might be
different if learning instead of test taking took place in the class room.
Iím not blaming the teachers at all here; I know a majority want their
students to succeed in life. Unfortunately, our beloved education system
would rather us take those beautiful standardized tests such as the SAT.
Problem is, these tests are about as helpful as trying to run your car
on a bottle of molasses. So Iíd suggest that you pick up a few extra hours
of knowledge on your own if you really want to stand a chance. Yet, you
could just fool yourself and flunk out later.
Finally, if you plan to really succeed later on you need to practice a
little more common sense before you can put on that cap and gown. Take
it from me when I say you need to practice a little self control. I like
to call this my ďThis sounds too much like old people talk, top five avoid
1.) Avoid Party Fraternities: Unless you plan to graduate with a degree
in loss of brain cell chemistry, you want to pick a group that plans to
actually have alumni.
2.) Donít Miss Class: Donít give me that but mom look, mister. In all
common sense, why the hell miss something you paid out the arse for?
3.) Donít repeatedly change your major: Try to figure out what you want
to do so mom and dad donít cut you off before your sophomore year.
4.) Donít move away if you donít have to: Unless you can eat on five dollars
5.) Donít think you have any free time: Because if you want to pass with
a GPA higher than Forrest Gumpís I.Q. , you better just kiss it goodbye.
Hopefully all of you young whipper snappers have learned a few things
today. Hopefully I didnít scare you all off. In any case you might as
well get used to the sad fact that is college, most likely it wonít be
getting better soon. With financial debt and lack of college prep itís
not looking all that wonderful. Letís just hope the future has something