Past Opinion Articles
Article for the week of 6/19/06
A Wedding PlannerÖI
By, Paul Mann (Editor and Pun Meister)
So, Iím getting married. Yeah, most of my fans, enemies and possibly
a few enemas (Thatís French enemies) know that Iíll be signing that all
too famous, unbreakable contract of weddness as of late December. **Not
to be confused with Hollywoodís who wants to make a mockery of matrimony
and then pass it off as the real thing. ** That means the planning has
officially begun. (Eeep!)
This or that being said, I am not really sure what the heck I am doing.
Sure, tons of ideas exist in the marriagemosphere. The future Mrs. Humor
Columnist and I stumble through them daily, but Iím now seeing where the
real fun begins. So, why the heck donít I sit back and let the female
machine handle the whole show? Well friends, I just donít like being left
out. (Awwwww.) That and Iím far less dangerous to people around me when
I have something to do.
It all started out easily enough. We want to go with a Christmas theme
mixed with a little medieval flair, which seems simple. Thus we started
thinking of decorations, what the sanctuary would look like, what to do
for the reception afterwards and the usual initial stage stuff. Then the
details broke in on the scene. Before I knew it, we were spending hours
looking up cake designs, picking out bridesmaid dresses, groomsman outfits,
the ring bearers suits and thatís not even the tip of the icing.
Then thereís my lovely bride to be. (Double Awwwww.) I knew women could
really get involved and fixated on a wedding, but dang did I underestimate.
Weíre barely engaged for a week and sheís already got ideas for our hitching
location, an idea of what she wants in a wedding gown and sheís already
lined up all of her bridesmaids. Iím just happy to have found that one
special gal and she tells me to pick out a groom cake. (Iím thinking Texas
yíall.) And fellahs, donít try and get your other half off the subject
matter either. Itís not the threat to your life, itís the fact that they
wonít let go until itís all done with.
Finally, the thereís the whole wedding guests thing. Weíve both got to
figure out how the heck weíre going to convince my family and friends
(Other than Mom and Dad) to travel across the country to go to this shindig.
Her family conveniently enough all lives in the area, but most of mine
live at least 14 hours away. Even if that is settledÖweíve got to retrieve
the addresses, make the invitations, write down RSVPs, set up hotels and
send out proper directions. Now I know why people run off to Vegas.
So here I am clinging to my nervous shell of a life, trying to survive
with several months to go until I say ďI do.Ē I wonít back out, but I
may need a major break before the knot is tied. Thank goodness the honeymoon
will be a nice getaway. (As soon as I figure out that venture as well.)
My advice to those who are also planning to face the storm: Brace yourselves,
you poor saps. Until our day arrives Iíll be over here rocking in the
corner like the non-wedding planner I am.