Past Opinion Articles
Article for the week of 12/12/05
The Top 10 Christmas Wishes for 2005
By, Grey Opinion
#10 Peace on Earth
Steadily falling in popularity over the last six years this is the last
traditional wish on the list and is expected to fall away in another two
Analysts state that the fall is due to most people being tired of “this
namby pamby hippie stuff”.
Namby pamby hippies blame the fact that by definition they cannot take
an aggressive stance on the issue.
#9 President George W Bush kicked in the
The wish for removal of the president from power barely breaking the top
hundred of the list was something of a surprise. Those polled rarely cited
war, corruption, Hurricane Katrina or his new hairstyle. Most feel the
president should suffer some repercussions for unknowingly releasing criminal
mastermind Turkey Lurkey at Thanksgiving.
#8 Paris Hilton banned from any form of
#7 Ben Affleck to get together with someone
not named Jennifer
Though Jennifer Aniston is trying to remove herself from this market it
may not be enough. At the very least it would put an end to those recycled
wedding presents, tattoos and matching monogrammed shirts.
#6 The development of a food that can be
eaten endlessly without concerns about obesity or diabetes.
Clearly thought up by those who see eating as a comfort and a right, it
is probably the most frightening wish on the list. This appears to be
an acceptance of the reality of the situation, that food itself would
be easier to change than attitudes. An unfortunate step.
#5 That Canada stops selling used tires
to Europe as a delicacy.
Basically a joke is a joke, now, with used tire demand skyrocketing and
four Germans a day being hospitalized and occasionally dying from radial
poisoning it’s stopped being funny, no matter how much of a boost it has
proven to the Canadian economy.
#4 That someone apologizes for inventing
A highly unrealistic expectation, certainly. However anything, from anyone,
connected to Reality TV at all would go a long way for many people.
#3 That Madonna is never allowed near movies.
With threats that the singer will direct something in the near future
we all hope this one comes true.
#2 An end to Christmas list specials
Apparently the majority of people are tired of these seasonal regulars,
that at best are repetitions of the best previous years had offer, and
at worst are long winded, tedious affairs put together by overly verbose,
lazy writers with an open dictionary in front of them.
#1 That Paul McCartney be hunted down like
an animal, stripped naked, be dunked in melted butter, rolled in bread
crumbs, lightly fried and fed to ducks.
No one had any reason for this, it just sounded like a fun option.