Past Opinion Articles
Article for the week of 9/12/05
By, Grey Opinions
This is potentially the single most divisive issue humanity has ever
faced, and yet even if you have chosen a side there is no clear answer
to be had. Whether you are fore or against it you cannot escape the slight
feeling of being on the wrong side after your choice.
In the US partisan politics have made the divide somewhat neat, though
no less easy to hold. The Democrats have declared themselves in favor
while the Republicans are solidly against. If Democrat Integrity and Republican
Ingenuity mean anything, it’s that this debate will completely devolve
into a battle that rivals sock puppets for maturity.
Russia has risked much by taking a firm stand against in this issue, however
despite the rhetoric flying from Moscow many believe that this is nothing
more than Vladimir Putin posturing, attempting to reinforce the public
perception of Russian strength by appearing solid on an issue that is
really of little consequence to his nation.
China has taken a firm stance in favor, which is hardly surprising given
their still strict control over everything within their borders.
Still new and shiny Pope Benedict has decided to take a firm line on the
issue, though possibly based entirely on popularity and politics.
Siding with the US President, against atheist China and alongside most
of Italy, though against Germany, Benedict’s homeland in what most think
is a move of solidarity to convince the homeland of Catholicism he is
in their corner, the Vatican has stated emphatically that it is against
Australia and Northern Europe are considered fair weather supporters of
the issue. Both are looking to woe US interests and put an end to the
Reality TV that is draining so much of their broadcast time. Many believe
that the Dutch are simply trying to apologize to the world as best they
can, supporting the issue as if to say “sorry” for inventing “Big Brother”.
One of the few truly neutral states, Canada, is being looked upon with
increasing suspicion by the rest of the world. The specter of Celine Dion
still haunts the reputation of this nation, leaving them with few options
but to eventually oppose the matter. Until then the cities of Ottawa,
Vancouver and Toronto have become havens for everyone trying to avoid
taking a stand on the matter.
This may be wishful thinking, unfortunately, as the events in France proved.
So swift were the agents of the matter that France only had time to surrender
once before being rendered completely unusable to the issue.
Some have wondered what International Terrorism Inc. thinks of these events.
However since the beginning of the matter Osama Bin Ladin’s weekly video
shows have taken such a dramatic downturn in popularity that he had to
quite his opinion section altogether, instead switching to a cooking segment.
One thing is for certain this issue will change the way everyone does
everything from this day forth. Those poor, ignorant few who have no idea
what this is, let alone it’s utter significance to everyone forever will
have no choice but to hide their humiliation behind vague references to
the matter, earning nothing but scorn and deep, deep pity.