Past Opinion Articles
Article for the week of 6/30/05
Clone Craze Collapsing
By, Grey Entertainment
With the popularity of twin starlets Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen beginning
to wane, as one nosedives into anorexia and the other into the darker
territory of infomercials, so too does the recent spat of cloning amongst
With the Olsen Twins raking in money through lucrative merchandising and
a never-ending stream of TV movies others have attempted to horn in on
the action with mixed results.
While as little as ten years ago the idea of two Anna Nichole Smiths might
not have sounded like such a bad thing experience has spoiled the surprise,
just as that voice in stereo surround sound has ruined many an eardrum.
Likewise twin Nicole Kidmans is very pleasing to the eye, however it is
rumored that this was what spurred Tom Cruise into his swift marriage
proposal to Katie Holmes. This speculation is further strengthened by
rumors that the prenuptial agreement specifies that she will never undergo
any cloning or other space age, science fictiony treatment, especially
if it has featured in more than one episode of Star Trek.
Surprisingly the cloning of Robert Deniro has been relatively well received,
unlike most other actors, such as Robin Williams, this desperate attempt
to follow in the footsteps of the Olsen Twins has not included dressing
up like teenage girls.
Whether a success or failure on an individual basis the only consistent
factor between these clonings is that the overall change has been lackluster.
Very few careers have improved simply because two of most people, even
celebrities, is not that impressive.
Thankfully we only have one pouting Paris Hilton after her attempt at
cloning was blocked by a US Supreme court ruling.
And so as quickly as it started the celebrity cloning game has collapsed
upon itself, leaving nothing but a few easier targets for paparazzi photographers
and drooling fans. Stalkers are said to be upset, as they can no longer
tell which is the original fixation for their fantasies. Indeed, not even
the celebrities in question or their mad scientists can answer that question
The primary manufacturer of clones, George Lucas, could not be happier
with this turn of events, claiming, “These wackos have turned one movie
title into a horrible joke”.
Apparently no one has told George that he turned it into a horrible joke
by making the movie.
In the meantime Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen are claiming a victory for
their fresh originality, which the plan to follow up with several CDs
of music, filling each genre with their voices.
Nashville has already imploded rather than allow this to happen and Sony
is preparing to detonate every CD it has ever produced rather than allowing
this to happen.
As a last resort the Double Dixie Chix have been recalled from maneuvers
and armed with sharp sticks and the idea that it’s the combination of
politics and the Olsen Twins fault that their careers is faltering.