Last week's News

News article for the week of 3/21/05.

Beauty Queens Speak Out Against Forged Media
By, Grey News

In an event that has literally dumbfounded the world a number of Beauty Queens, ranging from former Miss Worlds to wannabe Miss Teen Americas, have announced that they are not in favour of forged media products, be they illegally copied CDs, DVDs, swapped mp3s or even songs carved into the back of Steve Buscimi.
The combined physical attractiveness of the Beauty Queens at the site of their announcement was so great that everyone had to wear protective goggles. And even that did not prevent a number of cases of flash blindness when twelve Queens simultaneously smiled. The reflected sunlight from that many pristine, white teeth even caused a number of cameras to short out.
The world at large remains mystified as to why Beauty Queens have taken a stand against issues such as file sharing, when most would have expected this to be far beyond their concerns.
There have been speculations of kickbacks, bribes and mutual back scratching (figurative and literal) between Beauty Queens and elements of the music industry. However this does not explain how twenty three Beauty Queens, representing forty nine different factions within Beauty queen circles, eighteen factions with in the fashion industry, seven beauty product companies and ninety five children oriented charities managed to gather in one place without causing what Nostrodamus predicted as “Hell’s own catfight that all will want to see”. And this was the prediction everyone could understand.
However there has been no evidence uncovered by anyone that there have been exchanges of material, and the back scratching that was uncovered was nothing more than the normal cases of sleaze, sex and failed publicity attempts.
While some would want to characterise this as a simple, charitable turn of ethics everyone remembers that we are talking about Beauty Queens here. Even if we do not decide to take into account the number of poor, innocent children or world peace attempts mangled by their attempts to gain a crown, sash and bouquet of flowers the coherence of their joint statement is frightening.
Granted that there were two Beauty Queens who had almost completed training to be teachers, however that does not explain how they compensated for the sixteen for whom smiling required large amounts of brainpower.
As one reporter put it “We’re doomed”.
Authorities have refused to investigate on the basis that they do not have the resources to take on Beauty Queens and the industry that surrounds them. More than a few law enforcement officials have admitted that they are afraid of being blinded by the smiles.
It is the suspicion of a few that it was not the doing of music concerns, but rather the sellers of sunglasses who set this up. With the prospect of another joint press conference by the Beauty Queens regarding the Michael Jackson trial sales and stocks in these companies have risen. However until someone is willing to take the risk it is unlikely that anything will be done one way or another.