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Last week's NewsNews article for the week of 2/8/10. Iranian Space Program
"Suspect" The world waits in fear as Iran has announced it has successfully launched live animals “up”. This vague and not entirely reliable report has the world in an uproar, not so much because someone else is getting in on the space game, but because the test would have far more weapons related applications than actual space travel use. As a nation that has stated its agenda is to wipe Israel from the face of the earth this is a concerning development. Worse still is the payload the missile was carrying, reportedly including turtles and worms. Those familiar with devastating events in Japan would know well what could come of this: Iran plans to inundate Israel with giant mutated space worms! Scientists indicate that by sending worms up into space it is possible to mutate them in a similar manner to which the worms near the Chernobyl reactor have. Chernobyl worms have been growing up to 50% larger than normal, and that’s just from a nuclear incident. If Iran managed to launch turtles and worms “up” enough then they could be exposed to radiation and cosmic doodads that could cause them to grow to gigantic proportions. After that simply dropping them on Israel would result in massive destruction. Unlike Japan Israel has no counter to giant mutant animals, Godzilla has been banned from the nation ever since his last visit in 2004 resulted in a sex scandal involving a 15 year old girl. Engineers report that the re-entry factor will be the trickiest part of this new delivery system. US and European Monster Mutant delivery systems do not achieve orbit as they are irradiated in nuclear plants on the ground before launch. While utilising radiation in space is an important short cut and could result in more powerful monsters having the creatures not burn up on re-entry is problematic at best. It was this factor that led western nations to irradiate their beasts of mass destruction before launch rather than risking re-entry failure. Iran has denied that there are any military applications to this technology, and that it is simply for future space exploration and if any giant mutant monsters were to result they would be used only for children’s birthday parties, much as the pollution generated mutants of Mexico currently are. Israel is unconvinced and has declared its intention to pre-emptively strike at any monster mutant assets Iran may possess. As nuclear weapons would only feed these monsters it is assumed that Israel has something else up its sleeve, such as a giant Mecha or possibly even an excess of bananas. Iran has said that any attack, be it conventional, mutant, Mecha or banana related would be met with equal and opposite force. |