Last week's News

News article for the week of 12/8/09.

Travel Prices Skyrocket, Catapult Back in Style!
By, Puns McKenna

The price increases go beyond the basics of inflation. This year, the airlines are gouging the consumer with rusty pitchforks and excessive airfare prices. United Airlines, Delta and its subsidiary, Northwest have hiked the price of their surcharges for the holidays, and US Airways has increased theirs clear into Memorial Day. The increased prices put more money in the pockets of these airlines, but will it be enough for them to survive the crisis of alternative travel?

There are many forms of alternative travel to be had. From railways to automobiles there are cheaper forms of travel. However, none has proven as effective or as adventurous as the catapult. The catapult is a hold over from medieval times, when armies used to throw deceased animals infected with deadly diseases and the heads of their enemies over the walls of the castle.

The discovery of their cheap travel capability was actually an accident, but since then it has proven quite effective. There are people who still refuse to accept the catapult as a form of travel, however, they have accepted it as a form of package delivery. Inventor, James Pressman is considering several new forms of catapult travel. Each is said to have a new degree. From the Aerial Flight Inducer, which allows for lighter objects or people to be hurled through the air with great force… to the Cowtapult Extreme Airlift System. When he is finished there will be seven different grades of Travelpult.

According to Mr. Pressman, the Travelpult system is not designed to oust the Airlines from the number one spot of travel methods. "It is simply designed to make travel more affordable for those who cannot afford the exorbitant prices the airlines charge." These Travelpult's will be expensive to build, but the end user price is designed to be affordable for everyone's budget.

New safety and comfort features are being added to each design to ensure that travelers have a safe and pleasing experience. However, these devices are being looked upon skeptically by the Travel Safety Administration. They do not endorse these methods of travel as of yet, but testing is not complete. With the holidays right around the corner, these devices testing schedule will be stepped up.

Production is commencing on the already proven catapult design, in an undisclosed location so as to keep the variants safe from prying eyes. All safety precautions are being taken in order to keep the world from mass producing them before they are ready. As of now we must all take a careful wait and watch stance.

Will these new forms of travel stick around after the holiday season? Only time and use will tell the true story of these new travel devices.