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Last week's News

News article for the week of 7/20/09.

Sotomayor To Revamp Supreme Court
By, Grey Events

Sonia Sotomayor is making waves and yet is still expected an easy pass to the nation’s highest court as the USA’s first Latino Supreme Court Judge.
Though widely criticised for her liberal stances and clear left wing politics no one is terribly surprised by any of this, she is after all the nominee of a Democratic president.
The most likely derailment of her nomination is likely to come from a recent statement Sotomayor made: “. . . I’m going to . . . turn the Supreme Court . . . into a food court. . . “
Sotomayor has pointed out the blatantly obvious, that this quote is patched together and taken entirely out of context, however this is her second response in regards to that statement. Her first came without fully realising what was being said and brushing it off as a mere political joke/threat similar to the late Earl Warren’s desire to have himself waxed and put on display outside the Lincoln Memorial as a testament to his powers.
Right wing pundits and bloggers have leapt on this quote, trying their damndest not to turn it into some race related joke, less for reasons of good taste and more because no one wants to tread on Rush Limbaugh’s territory.
Pundits are trying to decry Sotomayor’s walkover appointment as the result of free upsizing of the fries and shake imply that she will send the legal profession back to minimum wage or simply win over younger voters by being in their favourite loitering spots.
See, pathetic.
And yet somehow this has given increased confidence to Sarah Palin that she will be able to make a credible run for President in 2012. Quite simply put the logical leaps and bounds are staggering here.
President Barak Obama’s official response was “You’re kidding? People are taking this seriously?”
John McCain’s reply while handing out free adult diapers to the middle-aged was “Not touching that one with the same stick I was prodded with when I was a POW.”
Ex-President and ongoing embarrassment George W. Bush made a long, rambling statement that seemed to go nowhere, unless it did. No one’s entirely sure it had anything to do with Sotomayor.
Frighteningly enough Vice President Joe Biden opened his mouth, unhinged his jaw and physically put his foot in there. Meanwhile Secretary of State Hilary Clinton mentioned that it might not be an entirely bad idea in the current economic climate.
The end result is that no one seriously expects Sotomayor to turn the Supreme Court into a food court, but at the same time everyone’s nervous about the three dozen gross of paper hats that have been delivered to the Sotomayor residence.
Harry Potter Broadcast

By Grey News (As featured on the RPP Video Update)

With the release of the latest Harry Potter film a number of the lesser recurring actors are banding together in an attempt to gain a bigger piece of the movie profits.
Placed in the background of this movie series since childhood few of these actors will ever be known as anything more than Quidich fan #7, Boy Student #33, Girl #22, Window frame #3 or other casting names better suited to YouTube.
The result is these people can’t even find work on YouTube.
Using what they learned on the film set they are banding together to perform magic tricks as seen in the Harry Potter films.
Lacking the magical skill and special effects it is thought that this will either be a comedy performance, or a sad performance.
JK Rowling was unavailable for comment butit should be noted that she has pre-emptively copyrighted any and all magic that results from her works, be it an exploding elephant or a child’s smile.


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