Last week's News
News article for the week of 6/15/09.
Minor Villainy Punches
The internet is home to some of the most astounding innovations, ideas and communications methods known, and possesses a rate of expansion and exploration unequalled since Columbus tried to answer the question “What’s over there?”
Now it appears that spam is winning the war, and in doing so has crossed the line from mere annoyance to cartoon grade villainy.
A loose alliance of the worst pornographers, extremist groups and spam consortiums have struck back on what was once considered their weakest battlefield: the legal system.
This is a dramatic turnaround. With the latest regional laws coming into force most spammers and pornographers have to operate out of Botswana, maintain residency in Cambodia and pay off Romanian gangsters to stay afloat.
However with the sickest, most perverse minds often having the deepest wallets, and since a room full of computers can still generate income these efforts have slowed down spam and toothbrush related porn at best.
Recent efforts looked promising, instituting standards and practices for spammers as well as occupational health and safety requirements could have put the majority out of business as very few money grubbing nerds and high tech criminals bother to provide adequate ant slipping mats in their showers.
However, despicable as it is to admit, spammers are still making money in this day and age. And this is the key to their latest strategy.
You might point out that they are doing so in the same manner as any con-artist, except they have a powerful ally: The IRS.
In these tough economic times the ability to earn money and pay it to the government buys some powerful protection, and with the IRS on their side, at least as long as they pay their taxes, there are some powerful forces that do not want these websites to close.
One can understand how the lawyers sided with these groups early, they are, after all, lawyers and as long as they are paid personal morality and ethics are sometimes suspended, at least until more money is offered.
Questions of efficiency have been raised, morality and ethics, all thrown by the wayside as money trickles in from these deviant sources,
Now with the IRS backing them up several antispam and antiporn groups have gone to ground, fearing impending audits of doom as a softening up for a litigation of terror.
There are still those willing to try, groups with a number of accountants among their members for example, the best they can do is slow the spammers down as they don cloaks and top hats, twirling their moustaches with glee.
So overconfident are the spammers that they have openly declared their intent to hunt wascawy wabbits (sic).
This may be their undoing, thankfully, since hunting wabbits never goes well for anyone.
Oz Related Arrests Broadcast
By Grey News (As featured on the RPP Video Update)
Three suspicious individuals were arrested today for following a young girl and her dog just a little too closely. Though eyewitnesses did not believe any of the men were overtly dangerous they each had a creepy air.
One was covered in straw and seemed to act as if he had no brain, the second seemed to have wrapped himself in metal and behaved callously, constantly demanding “oil”, which is street slang for a new drug that deadens the emotions.
Drugs are suspected to be a primary motivating factor as additional slang such as “finding the Wizard”, “following the yellow brick road” and “the lollypop guild” has been used repeatedly by the gang, and the small girl as well.
The third was most childish, dressing up as some sort of stuffed toy and constantly weeping.
Police are looking for a fourth individual, believed to be the ringleader of a this group of suspected kidnappers, an older woman, possibly with warty green skin, who has purportedly stated that she would “get this little girl and her little dog too”.
Police are asking for anyone with additional information to come forward, their identities will be protected and all winged monkeys in the area shoed away.
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