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News article for the week of 12/12/08.

Insane deals this Holiday Season!
By Cozmic

The Holiday season makes most companies go rather insane. It also makes some companies go really, really, really insane.
For instance, the R'Lyeh Brewing Company, already considered to be insane(well, mad, really), has a brand new Holiday deal with the dark gods where you can get a near infinite supply of Eldritch Beer for the low, low price of your mind to be feasted upon. The R'Lyeh brewing company, obviously, never really sells a lot of beer, and are somehow funded by investor-money, rather than sales, for some sinister purpose. Or maybe the level of insanity around the place simply makes this seem like a good idea.

3D Realms, those guys who made games somewhere in the 90's and now play World of Warcraft at work all day until someone feels like doing something creative, and thus takes up knitting, because they never work on video games, that is for sure, have now offered a deal to buy people free Dr. Pepper for life if Duke Nukem Forever is released before 2010, provided people pre-order it before December 25th, clearly inspired by Dr. Pepper's own “Everyone gets a free soda if Chinese Democracy is released this year”(which was in dire need of a “and doesn't suck” clause, for Dr. Pepper's sake). Most Dr. Pepper fanatics have already jumped at the deal, since $70 is a pretty cheap price for potentially winning a lifetime supply of soda. It is like playing the lottery, except they probably cannot win.

A deal that might not be too insane, but nonetheless hilarious is that there is a 25 per cent off holiday sale on Icelandic cities, volcanoes and ponies, in an attempt to get the country to have some sort of economic stability again. So far, nobody has considered it worth the purchase, thinking that they can get ice from the fridge, why would they want an entire country of it, clearly missing the point and instead attempt to buy Greenland from the Eskimos.

Giant tabletop and miniatures company Games Workshop have what they themselves describe as a spectacularly awesome deal, which is a giant box filled with unpainted, unassembled plastic which by the time you finally put the whole thing together will have been made unusable by the latest rules revision. This is advertised as the “complete Apocalypse army set”, an entire box containing lots of just about every model you would ever need for your army, provided you play Space Marines, which means just about everyone anyway, for the next month, at least, and is sold to the spectacularly low price of about half a googolplex of English pounds (the actual price is 4,9999999999999999999999999999999999...... then .99), which, for Games Workshop, is actually a pretty good deal. Most people would rather buy a house, or the company itself, but still, buying the units individually would cost somewhere around three quarters of a googolplex, so, priceworthy.

We at RPP prefer to buy less insane deals, mainly because sanity will not let us withdraw half a googolplex at a time, or buy vaporware, and frankly, nobody wants our minds anymore.

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