Last week's News
News article for the week of 9/10/08.
Potential Veep Not All Smiles And Glitter
By Grey Politics
Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin has been a source of shock and awe for John McCain’s campaign, and very little of it occurring in the opposition.
Teenage daughter pregnant to redneck is the sort of thing that resonates strongly with voters, turning away those with strong thoughts against unwed parents while attracting anyone who actually has teenage children.
Similarly the redneck turns away anyone who thinks while strengthening Republican ties to the Southern states, especially the toothless counties.
Officially Barak Obama has turned away from this sort of politics, adhering to the political tradition of not dragging families into the mudslinging unless they’re Nazis, members of Boy Bands or Suzanne Sommers.
Unofficially blogs and other elements of left leaning or Obama supporting media are dredging up everything in Palin’s past, including her husband’s convictions for tampering with savoury muffins, her mother’s suspected involvement with a US postal worker who was found brutally murdered in his own home with a set of mahjong tiles, and how the family pet dog Snoot may have been involved in illegal Nigerian internet scams as recently as April.
More serious investigations, even those honouring Obama’s actions, are still turning up some questionable activities in this potential VP’s past.
It turns out that during her tenure as Governor of Alaska Palin has twice attempted to force the Groundhog to see its shadow to make winter last longer, thereby making the oil pipeline seem like a great idea.
Furthermore there seems to be some connection between Palin and a bizarre attempt to undercut China, India and make the “Made In the USA” brand marketable and affordable.
Reportedly she used Alaskan resources to set up illegal Canadian sweatshops, producing everything from IPod earphone cushions to Nintendo Wii Remote holders. This was seemingly to build a model that would work in the USA, with an illegal root beer bottling plant in Anchorage being the first long term step towards this goal.
Evidence is sparse, however the lack of gubernatorial condemnation of the Anchorage operation at the time now seems to paint a grim picture for someone who was supposed to be the “white, female, conservative, place knowing Barak Obama to beat Barak Obama with”.
John McCain continues to defend his running mate, stating that this sort of muckraking and speculation has turned US politics into a laughing stock second only to Italian Politics and Chinese Charity.
In this vein many are instead poking vast holes in everything else there is about Palin, such as her conservative streak, outsider status in Washington and a continued preference for the Ang Lee Hulk movie over the more recent version.
Picking up on this John McCain forcefully requested that the media focus on her good points for once.
This sadly bought up the issue of her age, so very young compared to McCain, and fuelled speculation that she may beat Hillary Clinton to the presidential post, even if it is tarnished by succession to a dead man rather than moderately popular vote.
John McCain is now keeping very, very quiet.
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