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Last week's NewsNews article for the week of 5/6/08. Ron Paul Receives
Support From Surprising Source Ron Paul, the perennial third wheel of US politics, has received a shock boost from the only confirmed presidential candidate of the season, John McCain. In a media event, surrounded by both Republican and Democratic senators, in what was ostensibly an attempt to lower bipartisan walls and build bridges for a future president, McCain stated that “While the two main parties facing off against each other has led to some truly skilled and dedicated leaders over the years the time may have come when a third challenger is necessary to keep both established parties focused. And I think that the likes of Ron Paul could serve adequately in that role.” While clearly a backhanded slap towards the Obama-Clinton feud which may be aiding the ascension of McCain it was an unusually positive statement towards Ron Paul, previously the third most hated man in politics after Ted Kennedy and Zombie John Wilkes Booth, now entering his second term as junior senator for Florida. Naturally suspicions have been aroused. While hardly support for a potential opponent, let alone one who’s continued existence is seen as a political joke, it was stunningly positive to the inclusion of additional competition, even welcoming of the disruption of the two party system which has served Republicans and Democrats so well. Some speculate that since Paul and other third party candidates such as Liberal, Green and Independents traditionally siphon off support that would ordinarily go to Democrats this has less to do with endorsing Paul or ending two party dominance and much more to do with weakening the Democratic Party in the long term, possibly to the point where neither they nor a third party can possibly challenge Republican supremacy. This is of course far too simple, elegant and clever for politics, so a little investigating has revealed a flurry of communications between McCain’s associates and known supporters of Ron Paul. A few questions, some minor arson and we found a possible answer that is disturbing and more than a little disgusting. It turns out that Senator John McCain had an affair with actress and man’s voice trapped in a man’s body that thinks it’s a woman Bea Arthur. Rumour has it that this affair did not even occur decades ago when McCain was young and foolish and Arthur was young and . . . well, not as old as she is now. This affair was an Easter fling. Now Bea Arthur is far from an unattractive woman, it’s just that with her, uh, physicality, she, uh, well, I suppose it’s a fetish, of some sort, and that there’s someone for everyone out there, somehow, even if it is just for affairs. At any rate the revelation that McCain has had an affair, with anyone, would tarnish his reputation enough that even if Clinton gouges out Obama’s eye she’ll win against McCain, and a one eyed Barak Obama always has a chance. So that much makes sense. |
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