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Last week's NewsNews article for the week of 2/17/08. The Search for Atlantis XVIII:
Wait a Minute It’s all very embarrassing really. I mean, I keep complaining about the general lack of competence and sensibility as we go about this Atlantis thing, and what happens? I get sucked into the same trap they did and I can’t even blame them because I would have done the exact same things they did. It’s taken a lot of weeks wandering this constantly changing labyrinth to come to that admission. We’ve caused, on average, two major shifts in the alignment of corridors, rooms and passageways in this place per day. Once we even caused a number of towers to shoot up, I now find myself in one of them. Our radios still work and between the guys still on the outside, airdrops and an Atlantis architectural tendency towards numerous small windows and skylights we can probably last for a while, even if none of us can fit through the holes. But, there is the possibility of relief. One of the Chinese guys volunteered to go to the nearest town, hire some heavy equipment and come back with his buddies. I was about to okay this when I realised that we never hired any Chinese guys. Everyone we’ve got is an Italian American Brooklyn teamster (because that’s the kind the Moneybags likes, something to do with Frank Sinatra I think) or impoverished locals. Sadly I uttered this out loud. Sorry but a distinct lack of intelligent conversation among my peers have left me with only one place to turn to. The Chinese guy tells me that he is a local, despite not seeing any Chinese in any of the small towns. He regales me with tales of how Japanese came to South America to seek their fortunes in the plantations and shipping businesses, and settled here, adopting the local culture as their own and becoming as South American as polar bears and Russian Dolls. That made sense, perfect sense, except for the fact that he’s Chinese! I confront him with this fact, at which point he reveals he is in fact a Communist Chinese spy attempting to secure whatever Atlantis secrets he can and I expect to be shot in fairly short order. However at this point he tells me that it is in his best interest to get everyone free because a bunch of Chinese searching this place would set off so many international espionage alarms that no one would get anything. With this in mind he is genuinely going to go out, get heavy equipment to free everyone and reset the traps so the expedition can continue. I still expect to be shot, but it’s nice to know that someone around here is thoughtful and competent. |
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