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Last week's NewsNews article for the week of 11/9/07. The Search for Atlantis XVI: Why Atlantis
Died And Not Much Else I have here in my very dirty hands evidence of Atlantis, something that almost certainly proves why it sank, collapsed, abandoned or, well, flushed. If I could figure out what it is. Looks like fossilised fried chicken, might be something along the lines of a DVD remote control. Allow me to start from the beginning. I, journalist, recorder, much put upon dogsbody, have been spending the past couple months doing a lot of digging. Why when we have equipment, labourers and money that could easily shift large amounts of very annoying soil? Mostly because it was that or hang around with the brains of the outfit getting into arguments over why, technically, every Star Trek captain has been bald. Partly because I wanted to be in on what seems like our best chance for discovering something, Atlantis or not. Here in South America we’ve found something, our first hint was what we now know to be a spire, found by accident and now almost fully dug up. Whatever this structure is it’s big and very annoyingly deep. Thankfully we’ve managed to dig some tunnels and have a look. I don’t know what anyone expected Atlantis to look like but right now it looks muddy and crumbled. Forgive me if I’m not more descriptive, I’ve just had three geeks compare it to every polystyrene and plywood set ever constructed from every sci-fi movie and TV series ever. Apparently someone called Joss Whedon should be very proud. I have no idea what that means. Thankfully nothing seems to be genuinely constructed of polystyrene or plywood, just stone, metal and a substance that may or may not be carefully refined tapioca. We’re waiting on confirmation from tests but our financial backer has bought up massive stocks in tapioca just in case we get something workable from this. Possibly the most sane and sensible thing he’s done on this expedition since deciding against drinking the pale green water offered to us by the guy with the dripping wet mule. From what we can tell the section of buildings we’ve uncovered appears to be, well, a strip mall. Keep in mind we haven’t fully explored it, we’ve just nicknamed it a strip mall because it’s a bunch of buildings in a strip. What lies within is fascinating and mysterious. And yes that does mean we haven’t figured out what any of it is. Perhaps most disturbing is the simple fact that I am happy. Yes, happy. For once things are looking up, we may have found Atlantis, fame, fortune, recognition, or at least making this whole experience worthwhile is upon us. Well, maybe not entirely worthwhile, this week’s celebration is something called a “Blake’s 7 Best Of”. I tremble with fear and cling tightly to the fossilised chicken DVD remote. |
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