Last week's News

News article for the week of 10/16/07.


Al Gore and Post Nobel Goals
By, Grey News


Having recently been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize along with the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change Al Gore has proudly added another award to his mantelpiece, a location now crowded with an Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy for supporting vocals on a Nelly Furtardo project, a medal of honour from some little European country that no longer exists, badge of merit, token of esteem, thimble of gratitude, hat of well likedness, and both green and orange ribbons of conscientious conduct.
With a mantelpiece that large one could easily wonder what else the former Vice President and sometime Liberace impersonator could possibly have left to achieve aside from perhaps a yellow ribbon of conscientious conduct.
Gore himself has joked about Pulitzers and OBEs there really is only one or two accomplishments left to the man.
First is of course President of the United States of America, a feather that missed his cap by a small margin and is unlikely to be on his immediate wish list as he has vocally denied running in the future often enough that people are starting to believe him.
Next, a remote though by no means impossible feat, is Secretary General of the United Nations.
While regarded as a do-nothing position with all the authority of Scotty, junior most paperboy in Podunkin, Idaho who gets wedgies from everyone including his mother some think that Al Gore with his popularity, visibility and moderate power base could affect real change from the post.
Third is Master of All He Surveys, an increasingly popular title as many regard Emperor as an outdated term and Dictator just has too much baggage around it.
Unlike Presidential aspirations, which Gore has always talked down, whenever the conversation turns to such trivial matters of world domination he gets this dreamy faraway look in his eye that tells you hes seriously entertaining the idea, or maybe just putting a few finishing touches on a long range scheme.
Of course there is mass scepticism towards the idea that Al Gore could ever become a dictator. Though proponents of the theory readily point to his many ecological choices, none of which include democratic sentiments.
Far more likely is the final option, that Al Gore seeks to become the first Mister America.
For too long many have decried the Miss America pageant as a sexist meat market parading innocent young women around and praising them based upon looks alone, often resulting in the most brain-dead public statements as intellect lags behind beauty. Gores plan is to equalise things with a male equivalent, though leaning as heavily on intelligent answers to questions as much as physical appearance.
Already known as the most handsome politician of all time Gore is a natural shoe in to win the first contest, which will provide an additional platform to showcase his environmental opinions from.
This latter part is most convincing, as Gore has already dominated movie theatres, bookshelves and select online audio outlets, the next move has to be the posters that will decorate the walls of our young.
And then the third option starts looking better.



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