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Last week's NewsNews article for the week of 9/8/07. The Search for Atlantis XV: We
Actually Found Something Relevant I know I’ve had positive happy feelings about this whole mess before and it’s always, always blown up in my face but this time I’m damn sure that we’ve come across something special, specifically some actual technology! Yes, that’s right, machinery that according to early carbon dating indicates that it is many thousands of years old. Who knows if it’s really Atlantis technology or not, one way or another this proves that we’re finding something, that this isn’t just a waste of my life, the toilet down which my career will flush, proof that I’m not just stuck in the rainforest with a bunch of nerds and an eccentric billionaire who has no idea what to do with this money stuff the rest of us value so highly. It’s been frustrating to say the least, especially when they decided that their embedded reporter (that is me) would be best put to use in digging up stuff. I’ll spare you my whining, it was mocked enough by a group of people who were calling home to mommy over whether or not they should be wearing something warm in the Amazonian rainforest. But as it turned out my efforts were truly instrumental. It was I who struck their metal shovel into something electrified. From the middle of the rain forest that’s pretty impressive. So I’m told. When I came to it was three days later, my pants were missing and everyone was excited and it was all connected. Apparently I’d hit something that still had power and still worked. At first no one knew what it was, there was a charge, a force and that was it. Until someone turned it upside down. Which was actually right side up. I’d hit some sort of antigravity machine. What everyone thought was a flat base was in fact a flat lifting surface and the end with all the bumpy bits was emitting something that made the whole dodacky float. Sadly these are the technical terms being used by our experts. However it was much cause for joy, we had finally found something. It may not be Atlantian, it may be something else entirely, but at least it’s something. For all we know the people of Atlantis went to work in hover cars or made war with someone who drove hover cars or maybe its just aliens. Of course there was one problem, the Trekkies didn’t want it to be better than one from their favourite show. Their favourite fictional show had to have better antigravity things than whatever ancient civilisation thought up millennia before science fiction was invented. Thankfully one of them pointed out that it looked a great deal like an antigravity pallet used in TNG, but with bulkier antigravity devices, and was indeed less efficient. So everyone was happy for once. And to celebrate we had . . . A Star Trek marathon. Okay, those of us who weren’t so hot on Star Trek just got drunk and reeeal happy. And it’s holding. I really do think everything’s going to be okay from now on.
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