Last week's News
News article for the week of 6/30/07.
Blog to the White House
Many said this day was just around the corner, the majority choosing to write it down online in blog format.
It was revealed today by none other than Hilary Clinton that the internet is such an important source of public opinion it may be more valuable than actual voting.
The source for this information was a Boise based blogger who said this information came from the highest possible source short of Clinton herself, her husband, daughter, top three aides, four best friends, tennis partner, parents, cousins, uncles (not aunts who tend to be gossips and are thus kept out of the loop on these sorts of things) and dentists (she has two it turns out, which may indicate a lack of trust).
Shortly thereafter a blogger from Indiana stated that Republican nominee Rudolph Gullianni had stated the exact same thing three days earlier and was accompanied by stock photographs.
With two candidates purportedly stating the same thing within days of each other and the details recorded on blogs without contradicting statements from the parties in question; these statements have been taken as fact and proof that the almighty blog now controls the world.
Within the day the majority of blogs stated that this gives them the right to choose the next president and the electronic drooling began.
Many stated that this was a good time to eliminate once and for all the bipartisan nature of US government and elect an independent or third party candidate who could find the long sought after third way balance between liberal social policy and conservative economic development.
Then a bunch of blogs said it was time for an independent or third party candidate who would usher in the golden age of conservative social development and liberal economic adventurism.
A minority thought this was a too serious a responsibility to waste and began bickering amongst themselves as to the best Republican or Democrat for the job. However since this seemed like business as usual no one noticed.
This is not the only debate raging within the blogosphere, threatening to tear apart this new autocratic method of democratically electing a world leader.
One of the many issues with this form of choosing an American president is the sheer number of blogs coming from other countries.
Some have suggested simply eliminating foreign opinions from the process, however the Blogosphere had become so large and tangled, with blogs from one country being hosted in another, that this is more difficult than it sounds.
Equally feasible is shutting down the entire Internet outside of the USA. A move justified by the popular statement “no one wants to know what the French think anyway.”
The Blogosphere itself has proven unhelpful in these matters regarding itself. While the thrill of power is almost universal the exercise of power, legal issues, borders, and so forth have set a firestorm of flame wars between formerly allied blog authors that threatens to engulf the Blogosphere in, well, flames.
Worse yet no one knows how to put out an Internet based fire fuelled by ego ever since the coveted crown “Winner of the Internet” went missing five years ago.
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