Last week's News
News article for the week of 10/4/06.
Space Race Takes a Few
By, Grey News
Once upon a time it was all very simple, two large and powerful nations
engaged in games of one-upmanship. Having run out of small nations to
start wars in, both decided to go to space and see if they can start any
Unfortunately, one of the contestants collapsed before anyone got further
than the third block of the moon.
With Billionaire Time Waster Richard Branson announcing his space tourism
venture and Commie China declaring it’s intent to send people to the moon;
the slumbering beast that is the United States is once again getting in
on the action, making for an interesting three way race.
Unfortunately there is no specific goal this time.
As rich as he is even Branson lacks the resources to start up a lunar
colony larger than a doghouse.
China simply wants to make it to the moon, and boasts that if nothing
else it has a large pool of volunteers waiting to be locked into a space
ship and flung into the sky.
Additionally, the US could easily slip back into it’s malaise with a “been
there, done that” approach to the any goal less than the fourth block
on the moon.
All the same commentators are calling it a race between the three groups,
certain that something interesting will happen in the near future, as
Nasa’s space shuttle fleet is about to be retired, and China has recently
perfected the art of bringing someone back from orbit alive, in once piece
and not exploding the colostomy bag in the process.
More heat and therefore incentive may be provided by extra participants,
something that should not be discounted too soon.
Russia is desperate to remain a world player, and is trying every trick
it can think of to revitalise its state space program.
While still more than willing to rent out it’s space assets to anyone
with the cash, indeed Branson will be using refurbished Russian facilities
to send people into space, Russia needs the PR. To this end they have
literally thrown money at their space program, even going as far as waving
shiny Canadian Dollars in front of scientists as an incentive.
India should also not be ignored, as they stated: “No one else can possibly
fling more people up there than us!”
Germany might be a surprise, come from behind entrant, working on the
theory of “Well we really don’t want to be here”, and Japan has suggested
that it’s nascent space program could work closer with the US as long
as one low gravity research station was used to create men and women with
cat’s ears, tails and whiskers.
A cheap shot by Al Gore suggested that the US will not put it’s best effort
into further space ventures unless there are terrorists up there, to which
President George W. Bush replied “If they’re up there, we’ll fight them
there”. No one knows who to take seriously anymore.
Tony Blair, in an effort to take any of the pressure off of himself in
Britain at the moment has suggested that England could become involved,
if they could just figure out how the Thunderbirds did it so easily.