Last week's News

News article for the week of 9/6/06.

The Search for Atlantis X: So This Is What I Became A Journalist For

(Continued from Episode: 9)

By, Grey Exploration

You know one of those days when you realise your mother was right, you should have become a doctor because they make more money?
Or at least one of those days when you realise you father was right, you should have become a photographer because they meet more naked chicks?
We’ve just finished a lengthy survey of what very well may be the lost underwater city of Atlantis.
And it’s very disappointing.
Don’t get me wrong, lost city found, wooo. Yippee. So forth.
It’s just it would be much more fun if we were discovering something worthwhile.
You see the problem with this place is that the Morelocks, and possibly someone else, got here first.
Now whoever made it here first cleaned up all the dead bodies, broken pottery, hung new curtains, bought in their own furniture, basically made this place their own.
We’ve got permission to strip off the paisley wallpaper, mostly because the Morelocks were looking to redecorate and see us as a cheap way to get half the job done.
They claim they’re not the first occupants, I’m not sure if I believe that, the sheer number of lava lamps could be from numerous other occupants, or be a part of a horrible, embarrassing secret on the part of the Morelocks.
Similarly the horrible, cheap lime green lino that has been laid over two thirds of the floor and everything that could be used as a table or bench may have been put in place by someone else, or could just be a Morelock excuse for covering up what may have once been the Grand Promenade of this city.
Let’s not even go into the supposedly jewel encrusted areas.
Worse still the Morelocks have let unwanted mail just pile up.
Hundreds and thousands of letters, bills, old circulars, magazine subscriptions, if it wasn’t for a Morelock it was just left in a pile.
We think that’s covering a temple of some sort.
Oh, and those golden arches I mentioned?
Good news is that it’s not McDonalds, bad news is it’s the worlds oldest KFC franchise. Apparently they had the arches first.
Can anyone else see the impending legal showdown?
Still, the experts are seventy percent sure that this is Atlantis, pet theories about the Antarctic, space ships or giant bubbles notwithstanding.
Unfortunately there is one picture or glyph or something that very much resembles Captain Kirk’s starship Enterprise.
You have no idea what it is like to see a handful of Trekkies spontaneously orgasm over one picture.
Okay, if you ever went to the infamous Pasadena Star Trek convention with the one room where the entire ceiling consisted of a giant picture of a shirtless Leonard Nimoy maybe you do.
I was unprepared and am still emotionally scarred.
Nevertheless we stand in what is the discovery of the century, my only hope is that Elvis doesn’t come back until 2109 to trump us.