Last week's News
News article for the week of 2/20/06.
Space Race : Invasion
to Secure Fossil Fuels
By, Grey News
This sounds like the sort of headline that should be associated with
Grey Xphile, and to tell the truth this is based on one of his pieces.
Don’t ask which one, they all sound the same to me.
Evidence uncovered by Grey Xphile shows that the faint stirrings of a
new space race between china and the US is in fact an attempt at a land
grab on the moon with the intent to secure the energy reserves in the
form of oil, black gold, Texas T and soon to be known as Moon’s Shine
if the evidence is anything to go by.
With fossil fuel reserves on Earth expected to run out in only a few decades
both nations are searching for new sources.
The geology of China means that it is possible to squeeze oil from the
ground, with some difficulty, and from it’s people, with a little less
difficulty using current Communist Party methods.
The US could implement similar plans, however biofuels would be much more
efficient to produce than the juicing of couch potatoes.
Consequently both sides are racing to build a new lunar base and gas station.
No one expects much resistance from environmental groups since there is
no environment to speak of and the few trees residing on the Moon have
repeatedly stated their objections to being hugged by arming themselves
with nice, big guns.
Similarly with the entire lunar body unclaimed by any Earthly nation,
at least until Disney completes it’s hostile takeover of Guatemala, corporations
and government bodies relish the opportunity to operate with minimal constraint.
Moonmen representatives had no comment beyond “What the fudge?”
Development is slow at the moment, with the US forced to fund numerous,
costly programs aimed at containing terrorists and American Idol failures,
and China’s uncertainty regarding political reliabilities on in an isolated
location surrounded by armed trees.
What makes this truly Grey Xphile’s turf is that the competition between
these two nations is nonexistent. While not exactly working together they
are working at cross purposes to achieve the goal of lunar domination
before any of the snotty upstart nations get a chance to beat them to
it, or that wussy UN organisation tries to force them to share.
It sounds ridiculous, I know, anyone expecting that the UN would be effective
at anything would normally be checked into a mental institution, but I’ve
seen the memos and they look damn convincing.
While this information may seem trivial, welcome in fact since it eases
any energy issues for the near future, we must consider the wider implications.
The pollution, the traffic, the fact that work is very definitely moving
out of the country.
SUVs, decades upon decades of SUVs.
Also consider the transport issues. Shipping thousands and thousands of
tons of oil by rocket that is essentially going to fall to Earth. Anything
that happens at any point is going to make the Exxon Valdez look like
a spot of tea on the good linen.
So we must put a stop to these ambitions, and, dare I say it, take Grey
I so need a shower now.