Last week's News
News article for the week of 7/9/05.
Alien Invasion Delayed Once More
By, Grey News
The impending invasion from unspeakable and unseen alien forces from
beyond the Solar System has been delayed until April 2006, ostensibly
for pressing reasons revolving around harvests, breeding and ritual sacrifices
to moon deities.
Spokesentities for the Supreme Warlord, the Overlord and the Grand Exterminator
have so far failed to give entirely cohesive reasons for their actions,
each one claiming that one of the above causes was more pressing than
Though the inconsistencies could be excused simply because of friction
between the three high offices of the invasion fleet popular speculation
has it that “War of the Worlds” is the true cause of the delay.
The latest Steven Spielberg film has received mixed reviews, though it
is universally agreed to be visually stunning. It is also thought that
the tripods, the terror and the basic battle plan so closely match that
of the invading aliens that they have decided to delay their invasion
until a time when their actions will appear fresh and new.
The Overlord’s press releases have been most vehement that this is not
true, claiming a desperate need to begin the mating process as being the
The Grand Exterminator on the other hand is willing to say that while
their plans are significantly different from those in the film they are
concerned that an alien invasion occurring right after a movie about alien
invasion might be seen as either unoriginal or too much at once.
That being said the office of the Grand Exterminator has been pushing
the party line that the Goddesses demand cookies harder than the originality
Ironically this brings back comparisons to the last attempted alien invasion,
which coincided with the release of Independence Day, which is also being
compared to Spielberg’s film.
Most credit “War of the Worlds” with being far superior in terms of atmosphere
and production, though we should not forget that the last time aliens
attempted to invade the release and popularity of this film forced them
to delay for fear of being labeled copycats.
It would appear that a Steven Spielberg film starring Tom Cruise has managed
to save the day, however this was also said of the Will Smith film.
Also, with this being the third delay in fifteen years of attempted invasions
of Earth many are beginning to believe that the aliens lack the intestinal
fortitude, relative biologies not included.
Hearing this the Grand Exterminator itself came out and pronounced that
it had a healthy, heavy set of balls and started swinging them around.
As these balls were not entirely secure there were a number of injuries,
especially when the croquet balls started flying about.
This incident has been used by the invaders to show their destructive
natures, and as a harbinger of things to come.