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Past Entertainment Articles. Article for the week of 7/31/08 Straight from the Swede Swedish schools use false promises of iPods By, Cozmic Private schools. Those places where tax money gets spent on buying a cool and fancy sportscar for the headmaster rather than spending it on education (meaning the difference between them and public schools are.. honestly, what do schools spend money on?), because how else do you make money? The only problem with this is getting a school that people still want to go to, despite being absolutely horrible. As such, promises of free iPods and laptops- the latter actually being useful for education while the former is useful for celebrating brain dead conformity by looking like a tool like everyone else- are used to lure students in, a business which is quite lucrative. Especially for the Great Old Ones. Yes, it is true, the students at these private schools are lured there not for monetary gains, but so that they may be used to help summon the Great Cthulhu. To do this, the student literature, thinly disguised as math, social studies and biology, are all actually just copies of the Neconomicon, bound in different covers. Most students are too busy playing with their new free laptops or iPods to notice and pay attention, so the scam goes on unnoticed. Exactly what there is to gain in trying to summon an unspeakable Lovecraftian horror is rather unclear, but of course, so is why people accept installing iTunes with their Quicktime, so maybe we should just accept that humanity is stupid and deserve to be eaten by a giant squid-headed monster. Mos of the ones that have seen through the fake iPods and seen the actual horror and are asked about it just say they think it is a very cool way to help the world while learning, so there is obviously some form of brainwashing going on in there as well, and it is not unlikely that even the teachers themselves are brainwashed. Then there are the transfer students, who simply switched schools because they did not feel like they fit in. Erik Andersson, a student who is transferring to a public school in the fall, said “writing an essay on what type of villager is the tastiest and most fun to drive insane simply did not suit my sense of what a good education should entail. It is not that I do not like my free iPod, I just want to do other things as well.” Whether these children will actually be able to get jobs in the future is unknown, as making pacts with slumbering Gods does not always yield the best results, while, if they succeed, they will simply not have to work (maybe this is why they try to wreck the world? To be rich slobs until the end.) , because there will not be a world to work in. It should be noted that when this story leaks and we all realize private schools will doom us all, the social-democrats will try and say they told us so, but really, they just wanted to be the ones buying that Ferrari rather than some principal who found a completely different way to leach money off of the public.
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