Past Entertainment Articles.
Article for the week of 6/16/08
Ron Paul Gangsta Rapping Message
By Grey Politics
Theoretically still a political contender the one man sideshow that is Ron Paul has taken even more extreme methods to make sure he is heard, whether anyone wants listen or not.
In a move that has brutally pantsed the music world Ron Paul has decided to “get to the young people, the future voters” early in the expectation that when it comes time for them to vote they’ll remember him as cool and thus vote accordingly.
Who gave him the idea is unknown, but it is universally hoped that he will burn in a place only slightly cooler than the person who suggested to Ron Paul that Gangsta Rap was the best method of winning over the youth.
Wearing a hooded shirt, ripped jeans and a baseball cap that is not only sideways but inside out and back to front (don’t ask how it happened, it happened) in a nod to the idea that Ron Paul is so cool he’s down with the in thing before the in thing is in.
A full album is in music stores and available for download on iTunes, and is occasionally installing itself on people’s PCs in what Paul and supporters are calling “Not really a virus”.
MTV, having accepted great sodding wads of cash are playing the seven Ron Paul music videos (“Better than Bush”, “F**K da Feds”, “Mama so smart she vote twice and gots away wid it”, “Daddy broke ‘cause of Clinton”, “Globe is warming I still be cool”, “Marjorie” and Paul’s cover of “Like a Virgin”) playing nearly constantly.
The result has been the meltdown of MTV as viewers turn away in droves, investors jump out of buildings and anyone near a TV set playing music automatically attacks the device for fear that Ron Paul may be about to jump out at them.
Not only that, it may be the death of rap music.
Already kids on the street, the bread and butter of rap music, are finding a new appreciation for Bach, Beethoven, even Brahms.
Hard core gangsters, the Bloods, the Crips, and those who try to make us think they’re tough, like P Diddy Doopy and Alanis Morrissette, are turning from their musical roots and exploring alternatives such as Western (without the Country) and the new craze of banging rocks together.
When asked why they backed this producers stated: “We thought rap music would gain greater public acceptance once an old rich guy started doing it. We were wrong.”
To combat the loss of rap music, something that has become a massive marketing phenomenon if nothing else, Eminem has vowed to train hard and come out of retirement fighting.
Unfortunately someone, possibly a deranged Tim Allen fan (not that there are any other kinds) came up with the idea of “more power” to Eminem, and plans have been leaked detailing how the rapper/actor/frozen yogurt guru could be strapped to a nuclear reactor.
We’re not sure whose side these people are on.
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