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Article for the week of 3/16/08


Icelandic Music Star Consumes the Dregs of International Society!
By, Puns McKenna
After flopping her concert in Beijing, China, musical artist Bjork went on a binge. What kind of binge you ask? According to reports the number of homeless persons has significantly decreased across the world. Persons concerned with the population of each nation reported to their rulers that the number of homeless persons has begun dwindling since Wednesday.
Now one might consider this to be a good thing, but that’s where you’re wrong. The streets are less cluttered with the dregs of humanity begging for food, money, or drink. However, now they are cluttered with the useless bodies of the dead. Morgues all across the world are filling up rapidly and according to coroners there seems to be no end in sight.

At first police had no clues as to who or what might be draining the very life essence from these freeloaders of society. Then yesterday the police in Beijing received an anonymous tip stating that there was an eye witness report of the pop star from Iceland skulking in dark Beijing alleys and devouring the souls of helpless homeless. The person(s) giving the tip stated that her behavior was reminiscent of the skeletal demon Bai Gu Jing.

Given the “singer’s” popularity and fame, police are unsure how to go about ascertaining the truth of the matter. “Catching” the singer “in the act” is going to be tough. Not only are there always loyal fans following her around, but there’s paparazzi, and the fact that she travels from country to country. The rash of mysterious deaths among homeless around the world appears to have a cause, but none can say for sure. What may only be hearsay has the potential to ruin Bjork’s career.

When asked to comment on the allegations, Bjork’s publicity manager stated that the singer was not available for comment and would not be in the near future. The official word from Bjork’s camp is that this is just backlash from the ailed Beijing concert.

So for now, the world’s leaders will take a wait and watch stance. If the spate of homeless person’s dying does not ease, then it is quite probable that Bjork will become the World’s Most Wanted criminal. Stay tuned for more information.




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