Past Entertainment Articles.
Article for the week of 2/21/07
We Thought He Was Joking About A Sequel
By, Grey Entertainment
When the cult hit/flop/art house film “Snakes on a Plane” was released,
star and prime mover Samuel L Jackson was reportedly eager to star in
a sequel he called “Snakes on Crack”.
We all assumed it was just a joke.
But no. Preparations are underway for a sequel with Jackson signing on,
once more based entirely upon the title “Snakes on a Boat”.
When first announced obvious parallels to Speed 2 were made, especially
when actress Sandra Bullock announced that she would be working as executive
producer and co-star another joke valiantly fell upon it’s sword.
No one in the film industry is laughing anymore, likewise all the jokes
have stopped as rumours of turning the series into a trilogy have surfaced.
At one point a reporter who shall remain nameless joked during an interview
with Samuel L Jackson suggested a new film be named “Snakes in Space”,
only to have the actor pull out a notepad, write down the title and mutter
that it sounded like a good idea.
Samuel L Jackson may never be interviewed or work on comedy again.
It gets worse. Apparently the licence for the title and series has been
split between Jackson, writers, producers, directors and a catering business
who were given the licence to cover some unpaid bills and Jackson’s little
known addiction to peanut brownies.
Whereas the actor and producers have a solid grasp on the snake aspect
of the film it turns out that the directors and caterers have been allowed
free rein with “on a vehicle” aspect.
Consequently the film “Bears on a Plane” will be released six months ahead
of the scheduled completion of “Snakes on a Boat”, and a year after that
will see “Bears on a Boat”, with the distinct possibility of “Bears on
a Bus”, not featuring Bullock or Keanu Reeves, though possibly employing
Alex Winters as actor, leading him to direct “Bears on a Time Travelling
And then there are the writers, forgotten and almost written off, quietly
working on their small scrap of the pie to bring together “Idiots on an
So far their chief problem has been the similarity to every island based
Survivor series, especially when the original title was “Celebrities on
an Island”. Set to star Kevin Fenderlane, Jessica Simpson and 50 Cent,
either title would have worked.
Fortunately it is unlikely to go ahead as “Survivor: The Movie” is likely
to be released beforehand, and will tie them up in legal battles indefinitely.
Critics are baffled, audiences’ dangerously curious, theatre owners wringing
their hands, unsure as to whether this represents grand profits or utter
disaster. Only internet pundits are excited at the possibility of promoting
or ridiculing new material, hoping that their power can increase to levels
where they can sweep aside the puny democratic practices of the nations
and use their hastily written opinions to shape the future of the world.
At any rate there is only one sure loser, and that is comedy, which may
now well and truly have died of shame.