Past Entertainment Articles.

Article for the week of 9/6/06

Talking Immortal Monkey Enters Rehab

(Continued from plagarism trouble)

By, Grey Entertainment

Former media and music world darling Talking Immortal Monkey has checked into the Betty Ford Clinic, apparently in an attempt to kick an addiction to sleeping pills.
Hounded by accusations of plagiarism and dubbing that are becoming stronger and stronger with each passing week, sources close to Talking Immortal Monkey claim that his normally smooth sleeping patterns have been heavily disrupted, resulting in a swiftly increasing dependency upon prescription medication.
Most observers are hardly surprised by this turn of events considering that Hollywood, once seeing Talking Immortal Monkey as the next great star of screen and song, has turned it’s back on Talking Immortal Monkey in a bad way.
Like many other highflying stars who have crashed and burned Talking Immortal Monkey may have turned to alcohol and drugs to ease his pain. Indeed this would be a situation anyone could have sympathy for, a probable reason why the information was not so much leaked as thrown to the journalists tired of the Brangelina/Vaughiston war brewing by proxy in South East Asia.
While this may seem to be a swift turn of events it was revealed that Talking Immortal Monkey was also on a heavy regime of painkillers to relieve a badly sprained ankle and carpet burns after a ski weekend with Nichole Ritchie.
Sceptics claim that this is the latest result of an old problem, that sleeping pills and painkillers are little more than the tip of the iceberg for a long-term survivor of Michael Jackson’s Neverland ranch.
There may be some truth to this, former Jackson employees eager to make money off of their experience by skirting the lines of confidentiality agreements have commented that they rarely if ever saw Talking Immortal Monkey without a drink of some sort.
Under these conditions more severe addictions are possible, though considering Jackson’s mores and tastes that is unlikely. In fact this may be an innocent explanation for the weekly case of Jack Daniels that arrived at the ranch while it was under Jackson’s control.
What makes this case unusual is that no drugs charges have been laid against Talking Immortal Monkey, this is a rare case of a celebrity pre-empting a drugs related scandal by moving straight to the treatment phase.
Though cynical it is possible that this is a desperate publicity stunt, an attempt to reinvent Talking Immortal Monkey’s image as someone looking to clean up.
This would be a tacit admission of guilt over the plagiarism scandal, as such a redemption heavy image would only help a career relaunch.
Fuelling this spate of dark rumour mongering is the belief that Talking Immortal Monkey is the next Tom Cruise, or perhaps the model for Cruise’s career on a highly compressed timetable complete with faeces throwing.
Both were once favourites of the media circle, both were going strong until one incident, and both have suffered a fall that is all but complete.
As investigations into dubbing incident close down, certain to go against Talking Immortal Monkey, the plagiarism case gathers momentum, and Paris Hilton fails to do more than her infamous horn trick, more and more people will be turning to Talking Immortal Monkey for informal entertainment.