Past Entertainment Articles.
Article for the week of 5/30/06
Endorsement Shoot Goes Wrong
By, Grey Entertainment
When most celebrities take part in endorsement advertising they expect
many things, money, shame, having to work with people they wouldn’t spit
on if given a choice, a free sample of a crappy product that will either
kill them or use their pets as furniture.
Chuck Norris, veteran Infomercial sufferer, star of stage, screen and
outhouse, author of “How to Solve Everything with a Roundhouse Kick” and
patron of the “Roundhouse Kicks for Troubled Youth” program was working
on a new infomercial about the importance of proper beard dandruff treatment
in dealing with osteoporosis in men when facts started creeping into the
Already endorsing three pieces of exercise equipment and a self help food
processor through Infomercials Chuck Norris was forced into this latest
cheap hybrid of advertising and soul selling after accidentally consuming
McDonalds with Pepsi, a lethal combination responsible for the worst star
decisions in history.
Vowing to learn his lesson Norris did his best with the material available
until unwanted facts and information started seeping onto the set.
It started with the rather blatant notion that beards do not suffer dandruff,
as it is a scalp condition, not a skin or chin condition.
Producers managed to chase this one off on their own, it was a small and
fairly obvious fact, easily frightened away by large wads of cash.
While Norris may have had doubts at this point, more so than any other
point, he was bound by his foolish food choices to complete the task at
About half way through the shooting, reaching a point that involved the
dissection of a Clydesdale horse, other, more startling facts started
flooding the set.
The notion that selling anyone anything in this manner proved especially
devastating, taking out two camera operators and a boom mike operator.
That the only people watching this stuff were psychotic losers who don’t
have much cash and hold grudges against household appliances made an appearance,
mostly to terrorise the meagre snack table.
Also seen skirting the edges of the fray were the idea that osteoporosis
in men was an issue too big to be handled in infomercial form and simple
The former was more of an annoyance and the latter died within two minutes
of being noticed.
By far the most troublesome idea was that human beings were better than
this, which destroyed most of the set.
Ordinarily Chuck Norris would be able to handle these sorts of things
himself, having regularly faced off against reality and believability
with great success. Unfortunately for the producers, who soon found themselves
wedgied, his culinary error did not require him to act as security on
While all perfectly legal the backlash within the entertainment industry
may prevent Chuck Norris from ever appearing on any sort of screen again
in the future.
Though this might be less of a punishment and more of a mercy.