Past Entertainment Articles.

Article for the week of 12/12/05

How the Stars are Spending this Christmas
By, Grey Entertainment

As with anything else the most interesting thing about celebrities is what they don’t want us to see. Away from the Christmas specials, the press releases and the time (volunteered, forced and court ordered) in the soup kitchens we can be surprised by what happens.
First, despite or maybe because of recent announcements, Kevin Fenderlane, Brittany Spears, Jessica Simpson and Nick Stahl will be spending Christmas together in the only way feasible.
Stahl and Fenderlane (the latter ditching two sets of children at once) are planning on spending a “men only” holiday season in Las Vegas, doing what comes naturally.
Presumably this means making bad decisions in the area of fashion and career as well at treating women badly.
Brittany and jess are said to be spending the same time period consoling each other and swapping notes. Hopefully they’ll figure out how to dump the freeloaders, even if it does cost them their only remaining fame tokens.
Eminem, Madonna and Tom Cruise (three names you never expected to see together) will be spending a traditional Christmas at the same resort, with their respective families, shooting reindeer.
Madonna and Cruise will be doing so in homage to their religions, something about fighting Santa in any way possible, though no one can find anything in Kabballa or Scientologist writings to back this up (though the latter are said to be working on something as we speak).
Both are enthusiastic about doing their part, whatever it may be.
Eminem is apparently along for the chance to accidentally shoot other stars as well as the reindeer. I think we all wish the same person more success than the others.
Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown, the most enduring married screw ups since anything involving Charlie Chaplin, are spending the holidays together, surrounded by loved minders to make damn sure they abstain from pretty much everything.
All the boybands presently located in California will be spending Christmas together for “no particular reason at all, it’s just an innocent holiday, we’re not up to anything, why won’t you just leave us alone to be ourselves”.
In contrast to his macho image Vin Diesel will be distributing toys to orphanages in the Chicago area.
In keeping with her psychotically motherly image Angelina Jolie, accompanied by Brad Pitt and John Travolta, will be launching lightning raids against random third World countries that do not celebrate Christmas and ramming decorations, pine trees and gifts into homes.
Jolie will also take as the spoils of war any children that bring her closer to completing her set.
Billy Bob Thornton will spend the holidays with his ex-wife’s Pokemon collection, laughing insanely screaming “Got to catch them all”.