Past Entertainment Articles.
Article for the week of 12/12/05
How the Stars are Spending this Christmas
By, Grey Entertainment
As with anything else the most interesting thing about celebrities is
what they don’t want us to see. Away from the Christmas specials, the
press releases and the time (volunteered, forced and court ordered) in
the soup kitchens we can be surprised by what happens.
First, despite or maybe because of recent announcements, Kevin Fenderlane,
Brittany Spears, Jessica Simpson and Nick Stahl will be spending Christmas
together in the only way feasible.
Stahl and Fenderlane (the latter ditching two sets of children at once)
are planning on spending a “men only” holiday season in Las Vegas, doing
what comes naturally.
Presumably this means making bad decisions in the area of fashion and
career as well at treating women badly.
Brittany and jess are said to be spending the same time period consoling
each other and swapping notes. Hopefully they’ll figure out how to dump
the freeloaders, even if it does cost them their only remaining fame tokens.
Eminem, Madonna and Tom Cruise (three names you never expected to see
together) will be spending a traditional Christmas at the same resort,
with their respective families, shooting reindeer.
Madonna and Cruise will be doing so in homage to their religions, something
about fighting Santa in any way possible, though no one can find anything
in Kabballa or Scientologist writings to back this up (though the latter
are said to be working on something as we speak).
Both are enthusiastic about doing their part, whatever it may be.
Eminem is apparently along for the chance to accidentally shoot other
stars as well as the reindeer. I think we all wish the same person more
success than the others.
Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown, the most enduring married screw ups since
anything involving Charlie Chaplin, are spending the holidays together,
surrounded by loved minders to make damn sure they abstain from pretty
All the boybands presently located in California will be spending Christmas
together for “no particular reason at all, it’s just an innocent holiday,
we’re not up to anything, why won’t you just leave us alone to be ourselves”.
In contrast to his macho image Vin Diesel will be distributing toys to
orphanages in the Chicago area.
In keeping with her psychotically motherly image Angelina Jolie, accompanied
by Brad Pitt and John Travolta, will be launching lightning raids against
random third World countries that do not celebrate Christmas and ramming
decorations, pine trees and gifts into homes.
Jolie will also take as the spoils of war any children that bring her
closer to completing her set.
Billy Bob Thornton will spend the holidays with his ex-wife’s Pokemon
collection, laughing insanely screaming “Got to catch them all”.