Past Entertainment Articles.

Article for the week of 11/13/05

He-Man Denies Links to Elton John
By, Grey Entertainment

Hot on the heels of the latest Barbie anorexia scandal and GI Joe’s anatomical impotence revelation comes the news that ultra macho He-Man has been linked to flaming entertainer Elton John in a romantic fashion.
Though unavailable for comment He-Man reissued his frequent, cryptic statement through his publicist that he was “A hero’s hero but not a man’s man.”
Elton John, as cagy and catty as ever has refused to comment, other than a sly wink when the photo showing John rubbing sun tan lotion into He-Man’s bulging shoulders was produced.
This is hardly the first rumor of homosexuality involving He-Man. During his heyday in the ‘80s stories surrounding his involvement with Freddy Mercury began to circulate.
Reports stating that he had been a frequent visitor to Liberace’s home when just starting out in the entertainment business have always existed. However when the beloved entertainer died He-Man’s presence at the time was seen as nothing more than the actions of a faithful protégé to his mentor. Undertaking the same actions for Mercury did stir the plot.
Current girlfriend Naomi Campbell was also conveniently absent, claiming a photo shoot and vacation during her boyfriend’s tribulations.
Former flame and costar Teela reaffirmed her previous statements that her relationship with He-Man was consummated, and pointed out that though not physically capable due to the same syndrome suffered by good friends Ken and Action Man, He-Man was in most respects a rampant heterosexual.
Teela also repeated the frequent story that He-Man was constantly trying to hook the two of them up with women such as Melissa Etheridge and Ally Sheedy.
Archnemesis on and off screen and theatrical collaborator Skeletor had more than a few things to say, not all of them printable or relevant, but included “I likes the b*tch*s”, “Evil Lynn just ain’t that frigid” and “He was always hanging out with Ken, listening to his ideas, likening them better than mine”.
What this means is unknown though it would appear that Skeletor has fallen off the wagon again, with no help available now that he has been banned for life from both Betty Ford and Amsterdam.
Long time friend Liz Taylor issued strong statements of support for He-Man, though remained ambiguous on all issues of sexuality. Her assistant did issue a statement that there needed to be more men with his old fashioned sense of courage and justice.
Support of friends and colleagues aside He-Man’s troubled career looks to be taking a body blow from these pictures. With the resurrected TV series rumored to be both folding and soaring and conflicting rumors of he-Man playing a key role in Marvel’s next superhero movie, Iron Man, now is not the time for potentially damaging rumors.
Though projecting the image of enlightenment and social sophistication Hollywood rarely rewards homosexuality other than the occasional loud lesbian. As such He-Man may find himself crucified unless he makes just the right statement just in time.