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Article for the week of 10/30/05

Spooks and Scaries Promise Old Fashioned Halloween
By, Grey News

With the Halloween Weekend upon us at the time of this writing Halloween officials are promising a toned down, realistic, old fashioned event consisting of old favorites, such as transparent ghosts, wolfmen and Pumpkinheads, rather than trying to cash in on a range of new “In” monsters, such as Freddy, Chucky or Paris Hilton, that rely more on flash and technology to provide fright.
The return to traditional fare is seen to be the result of the backlash after last year’s attempt to simulate a Terminator filled battle scene fell through as organizers failed to realize just how unpopular the last Terminator movie was.
Rumors also claim that the transparent ghosts wish to reassert themselves, reclaiming the dominance in Halloween that was once theirs until one too many beatings by Scooby Doo.
Alien incompetence was also cited as a motivating factor, the disaster that was Halloween 2003 wherein the entire event was wasted when a fleet of assorted UFOs (both saucer and cigar shaped in other words) was assembled for a parade tour around the world, to instill fear and awe in the feeble Earthlings. Though the events that led to the initial crash have never been disclosed, the pile up that resulted has always been laid at the feet of moronic alien navigators who, though possessing large eyes, are color blind and could not see the red breaking lights of the vessel right in front of them.
While this year will be far from devoid of higher technology – the Predator and Dixie Chix contingent will be strongly represented – monsters and ghouls will provide the spine of this year's events.
Aliens and androids are said to be acquiescing to this peacefully, mostly out of exhaustion from the pace and scale of the recent years events. The toll these mammoth failures have taken is staggering, with three nervous breakdowns, two melt downs, one mechanical failure and one robot voluntarily downgrading itself to a slushy machine, and all that is within the perk laden upper echelons.
For all the frills of free candy it appears that there is little other than power to appeal to cold, merciless alien and robot hearts.
Lacking any sort of fluid pressure tissues ghosts might make better organizers for these events in the long term.
However it was a general unwillingness to work with higher technology that cost the supernatural phantasms several critical cities back in 1999. While random hauntings may get the heart pumping the increasingly technosavvy public expects more than entities passing through walls.
Gore was another element that ghosts have failed to deliver on, though this is not entirely their fault as a wave of vegetarianism took swing among werewolves that year. This time there should be no such problems with the majority of werewolves now on high iron diets after that little fiasco.
Thus it is with many promises that ghosts take to the fore, admittedly having to possess their spokespeople due to a difficulty with makeup.