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Article for the week of 9/28/05

A visitor's guide to Sweden
By, Cozmic

Hello and welcome back to the resident Swede talking about his country. This time, i thought I'd tell you about what to do and what not to do when you're in Sweden. First of all, if you're here, then you obviously took a wrong turn somewhere (maybe you were going to Switzerland?). That, or you want to see the snow. The thing is, we don't get all that much snow, because it's not that cold here. Climatechanges around Mexico or the Atlantic can change this, but that's a whole different story.
Summertime it can get far too hot here, and wintertime it gets far too cold, but there's never snow exactly everywhere or anything like that. Although supposedly the skiresorts up north close to Norway are quite nice.

So, what IS there to do in Sweden? The short answer is not a whole lot, but I'll try and think of a few things. As has already been stated, if you're over eighteen, you can go clubbing at some places. If you're over 20, you can go clubbing at all places. Time for false myth number two: that Sweden is filled with hot, busty blondes. Not really. Alot of girls are quite stupid and dye their hair blonde, and the average girl isn't exactly ugly, but hotness is quite rare. Have enough vodka and it might be alot more common.
One thing you can do is visit the amusement parks, assuming you're either in Stockholm or Gothenburg. And if that's not your kind of thing, then there's.. uhh... Well, you can always go to recordstores and ask for barely famous bands and watch them get weird looks on their faces, or try to find a half decent store that sells something fun. And, obviously, you can buy local tradition from Dalarna everywhere else in Sweden. Because who wouldn't want an ugly, red, wooden horse with some stripes on it? And then there's all the elk souvenirs. Because Sweden is full of elk. Just, you know, not around the civilised parts.
Speaking of elk and civilised poarts, pretty much half of Sweeden (don't take my word for it, but, ALOT, anyway) is one big forest. The non-leafy kind, mostly. Yes, it's exactly as boring as it sounds.
And I do believe that is a pretty comprehensive list of what you can't do in Sweden, so make sure to come visit sometime. Of course, there's the coast outside Stockholm which is supposed to be quite nice aswell, and there's always that little suburb where you can see a male teenager yelling curses at his country for being so boring. When he's not busy writing articles about how much he hates his country, of course.