Past Entertainment Articles.
Article for the week of 9/12/05
Island to be Built in Illinois
By, Grey Entertainment
The announcement by Bill Gates that he was openly moving into the hospitality
industry came as a mild surprise to investors around the world today,
many of whom now welcome the prospect of someone with that much potential
capital investing in their neck of the woods.
Naturally since this is Bill Gates his first proposed project is going
to be big, splashy, expensive and full of bugs no one is going to find
out about till it’s up an running.
Good old Mister Gates plans on opening an island resort in Illinois, almost
precisely between Chicago and Detroit.
While this seems unusual to the average person building tropic getaways
or portions thereof inland, especially in northern latitudes is not that
unusual. Engineers have frequently taken great pride in being able to
build beaches with real surf, sun with real burn or even rainforests with
real Ebola anywhere in the world no matter how improbable it seems.
And yet Bill Gates has managed to put his own novel spin on things.
While everyone expected the giant dome to control temperature and weather
what was unexpected was that an entire Hawaiian island would be ripped
up and transported to Illinois.
Engineers working on the project give an identical answer no matter who
is asked, that in the interest of authenticity a real island from the
Pacific was chosen to serve as the basis for the new resort. And with
Bill Gates in charge of things it was only natural that he buy what he
Outside of these engineers, in the company of those who were fired for
various reasons it has been found that the truth is slightly different,
that Gates won the island in a poker match against the Queen of England,
only to discover that it was not only a small island only a few kilometers
across, it was also one of the less popular leper colonies, consisting
of leprous card cheats, real estate agents and Bryan Adams fans.
Ever looking to turn a profit from every situation Gates immediately set
out to turn this misfortune into yet another fortune.
Now in an ironic twist the leprous former tenants are holding the island
No longer can it be said that Bill Gates lacks a sense of humour, dark
though it may be.
Investors around the world are watching keenly, waiting to see if Bill
Gates is a business genius that can touch anything and turn it into gold
that no one else will say they touch but covet nonetheless.
For much the same reason critics everywhere are paying close attention,
hoping to see the world’s richest son of a bitch fail spectacularly at
something he had no business starting in the first place.
Environmentalists are also taking note, as a host of governments, millionaires,
crackpots, celebrities and dictators have stated their intentions to do
the same, not about to be outdone by a mere businessman.