Past Entertainment Articles.

Article for the week of 6/30/05

Geeks Demand Breeding Rights
By, Grey News

It is a move that has long since been coming, with the ever increasing pickiness of women everywhere special interest groups of men have formed in order to get a date.
Though this has long been the situation in high schools around the world until recently it was contained within the walls of these death traps. Now adults, grown ups and everyday people have to deal with it all over again.
Women are not solely to blame, however this may be the nearest that men around the world get to being right about something, and we’re milking it for all it’s worth.
The issue at hand was first sparked by the actions of a group of geeks who demanded that laws be passed ensuring that they be allowed to breed, thus passing on their vital genes, allowing for the continued functioning of the Internet, comic book shops and the ongoing vitality of the optical industry.
Their demands have not been too taxing, they do not, yet, want annual sacrifices of virgins, cheerleaders or girls-next-door. At the moment geeks simply want sole dating rights to women who can tell the difference between Captain Kirk and Captain Picard, girls that can see past bad hair, and girls that don’t consider science fiction to be a requirement for entering into a cult.
Women fitting these criteria have not yet voiced a concerted complaint, though most doubt a relationship with geeks could last past the first Kirk/Picard argument.
The most striking reaction has been from nerds seeking similar breeding rights to ensure that their vital skills at mathematics, their support of the junk food snack market and the continued existence of debunkers (magician and alien).
Nerds have been a little more discerning, requiring that they be given sole dating rights to women not afraid of spittle, the few female anime fans and those pretty girls who secretly go to the library.
Overall the worldwide response from other groups has been minimal. Jocks are happy as long as their supply of cheerleaders is secure. Similarly musicians, actors and poseurs care little as long as the groupies and sycophants remain untouched.
So far there is no advantage in political groups setting in. They have their eyes on Trophy and Status wives, who will similarly be seeking them out, securing the continuation of their own fetid genes.
With no one willing to either rock the boat or cave in to the demands things look set to go on as normal. If turning the entire world into a high school is anything remotely normal that is.
If however this means that problems are solved by running to the principal or atomic wedgies then surely it’s a change . . . No, wait, that isn’t really a change at all aside from the greater availability of cheerleaders, probably a great improvement on the state of the world.