“The common comb? You mean, as opposed to the lesser-spotted one?”
“Look, Padfoot, I told you. NO-”
“Moony-”
“-PLANNING-”
“Oh, Moony-”
“-MASSIVE ORGIES.”
"Forget straight girls, even straight boys want me."
He [Sirius] is totally referring to Remus there. Though that might be contradictive. ~Kinz
"Before Remus could reply, in came their friend, Phallus Bignuggets – though his nickname was 'Male Genitals' or simply: 'Gen."
"You want to get jiggy here? In the common room?"
“Phallus Bignuggets?” asked James with an arched eyebrow.
“Exchange student. Good old Male Genitals.”
"'I haff had sum juice from a Gryffindor student. Eet makes me haff meximum performance in ze bed-' Gen broke off to demonstrate, with a few thrusting movements and some erotic sound effects.
"I fancy you and want to have your little furry babies with Evans as a surrogate!"
"Excuse me, Wormtail, did you just... did you just compare me to a feminine hygiene product?"
“I think it suits you, Always Ultra Pads,” commented James.
“Super absorbent,” agreed Remus, nodding sagely.
"Dear Mr Black,
It appears you have a pair of dog ears growing out of your head, you enormous twat.
Yours sincerely,
Remus Lupin.
PS. Would you like some bacon with your ketchup?"
"Sirius was looking in vague amusement as James lower down the table who appeared to be attempting to serenade Lily."
"Some furious shouting and a series of loud, disjointed mmmph noises brought Remus’s attention to the fact that James seemed to have had a croissant forced into his mouth without the slightest regard to the size his mouth could humanly stretch to. Later, Remus would congratulate Lily on her unrivalled ability to improvise muffling and gagging techniques."
"My regaling is much more yoreful than yours."
“Silence, minion, or I shall dispatch thee with my trident of food-eating.”
“No chance, I’m not sitting next to you now, that was inappropriate usage of a canine tongue.”
"What good are minions if they don’t defend your wrongdoings?"
“Sirius, your hand is being rude.” Sirius gave an impressive snore. “Sirius, your left hand appears to be more awake than the rest of you and is about to do ungodly things to my thigh.”
"You’ve been blessed with a tentmate who doesn’t sleepwalk or sleeptalk but sleep-fondles. Isn’t that fantastic for you?”
"Hello, I’m a thin layer of polyester and I can confirm that what is under me is ALL MAN."
"Everyone should want to feel as much of my body as possible..."
"Stop serenading Padfoot and get your hat on!"
"Watch out for Christmas decorations, they want to eat your brains."
“I never thought my death would involve drowning in a sofa.”
“Help, I need some tissues. I’ve soiled myself with toffee.”
"They had only been in the car for half an hour and already Sirius had folded Remus’s pocket map into a crane and charmed it to float around the car and peck James’s face continuously, hummed his All-Time Favourite Advertising Jingles from number 10 to 1 and told the really bad joke about the goblin, the Veela and the Minister of Magic."
“Make that bird thing stop pecking me or I will make us crash and I will engineer it so you will have the most drawn out death of us all.”
“I never thought my premature death would be caused indirectly by a suitcase..."
“Sirius,” James warned. “Bird. Crash. Your slow death.”
“That’s true, Wormtail – I mean, honestly, Sirius, what caused that bright idea of besieging Moony’s sleeping bag?”
“Prongs don’t talk about your penis and Moony in the same sentence, lalalala not listening!”
Other misc story ideas:
Snupin – Snape is completely enamoured with Remus but Remus uses him as a tool for discovering his complete, utter flamboyant homosexuality.
Christmas – Remus Scrooge. Sirius gives him 'Mating Habits of Lycanthropes' ansd Monsieur Shampoo-what's-that Snape gives him a slightly more approppriate/helpful/touching/erm? Type gift. Sirius is relentlessly cheerful Santa type mutant monster argh wtf sleep plz.
Peter – Molly <3s Ratboy. Arthur MAD. Arthur HURT WHEN MAD. Peter now HURT.
Peter <3s Narcissa. Lucius is sneeringly, condescendingly, nobly in a complete blind rage. Makes use of his pimp cane. Poor Peter.
MWPP are sat in common room. Lily walks in DUNDUNDUNNNN. Jamesjamesjamesjamesjames attempts a suave-guava line on her but ends up being slightly threatening and scary. And possibly offensive. And very, very perverted. Lily cries rape. Sirius comes to the rescue (!). Apologises for Jamesjamesjamesjamesjames's perfectly normal behaviour as he was resting upside-down? Or fell off his broom. Jamesjamesjamesjamesjames assures her he takes great care of his broom. Also informs her she can inspect its great carednesszor any time she likes. Lupin+Peter flee to dormitory where they are soon joined by Jamesjamesjamesjamesjames and Tampons. Tampons begins telling the story of Phallus Bignuggets for some reason. And so on and so forth. ((After commenting on Jamesjamesjamesjamesjames's hopelessness with Lily Jamesjamesjamesjamesjames asks him to tell the story of HIS first love.))
Toz and Kinz attempt to come up with ideas. Needless to say, they fail (unless the Marauders manage to steal Lily's nightclothes at some point).
Serious notes. In which Toz gets a new nickname.
Gingham notes. Based on the notebook's cover and then not much as Toz and Kinz make Marauder!sims.
