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The Delgado Bill of Rights
Ed Delgado

You know everywhere you go somebody is crying about rights. How they want more, although not saying that outright. I mean you have this Patient Bill of Rights, Gay Rights, Pagan Rights (I know this falls under the 1st Amendment), Human Rights Watch, Universal Declaration of Human Rights, Aminal Rights, and just make something up and I am sure there is some group looking for rights for them too.

And I think, and I could be wrong, that the major of these people that are calling for all of these specialty rights are indeed liberals.

Now I have no problem with things like women's rights, civil rights, and things that bring about equality but I think this whole rights bit is getting waaaaaaaaay to far out of hand.

That being said I have taken the liberty of making my own Bill of Rights. I like to call it the Delgado Bill of Rights (had to let a bit of vanity come out here). Some of it is a bit harsh. I know this. But feel free to expand on any of them or better yet add some yourself.

Delgado Bill of Rights

In this day and age that we live in, with people and special interest groups demanding from out federal government that they be bestowed upon with special rights that go above and beyond that which individuals such as myself have, and with the intention of retaining these rights which are universal in nature and recognized for one and all who wish invoke them;

Resolved, by myself through estute observation and experience, that the following articles recognized by one and all, as rights that we may now declareto be our very own; all of which are reasonable in nature and do not wish for anything more then recognition, I present to you my Bill of Rights.

Right I

I have the right to not hear a damn thing you have to say.

You have the right to express yourself in just about any form that you wish. But if I wish to not listen to the noise that is coming out of your mouth this is my right.

Right II

I have the right to pass judgement upon you.

Should I not like you, your lifestyle, your actions, how you look, or whatever. This is not to say that I can act in a manner that is violent to you but this allows me to snub you, talk trash, not associate with you, reject your claims and arguements, etc. as bad, immoral, evil or however I wish to do so.

Right III

I have the right to be an asshole.

Yeah that is right. I said it. Call it a jerk, a butt head, or whatever. But a rose by any other name is still a rose. I do not have to put up with you in a manner that is "constructive" if you are not willing to afford me the same. There are no rules that say that I have to play nice with everyone because not everyone is willing to play nice. So if I wish to play a little dirtier then anyone else I should be able to do so as long as it is not in a violent manner.

Right IV

I have the right to call you names and make fun of you should you bring it to that level.

If I reject you for whatever reason and I state so with a reasonable arguement and your response is that I am a "gay-basher", a "racist", etc. then I should be able to call you things like "fag", "race baiter", etc. And if you continue to get more and more fustrated from someone countering your arguement I should have the right to make fun of you, laugh at you, and even sit down and catch my breath from laughing which your face turns multiple colors.

Right V

I have the right to hate you.

Many people do not like to hear this. The line of thought is hate the action(sin) and not the person. That is all fine and well. But if I come to the conclusion that I really hate you for what ever reason be it that your actions, your a gang banger, a member of Nambla, or whatever I have that right to hate not just what your are a part of but you for being a part of it. It would be nice if we all could get along and play in the same sandbox but that is not going to happen anytime soon.

Right VI

I have the right to defend my country.

Anti-American feelings and words are being spread like a disease in this very country of ours. I have the right to stand up for my nation with all of its faults. I have the right to verbally defend it and if you bring it to that level of hostility I have the right to knock you on your butt each time you try to continue your violence towards me, my ideology, or my nation.

Right VII

I have the right to demand fair and balanced teaching in the public school systems for my children.

This included grades K-12 and post high school education. I have the right to say that the teaching of liberal ideas in school is wrong. Whether any actions are taken to correct that is something that is up to you. And if I do not like what is happening I should have the ability to pull my child out of your school and send them to a school more suited to what I want taught. Things like reading, math, english, science, history-unrevised.

Right VIII

I have the right to oppose special interest rights without fear of being called anything derogatory.

If I oppose "gay rights", "civil rights", "animal rights", or whatever I should not have to deal with being called a racist, gay basher, etc. because of my stance on an issue. If my stance is one of protest or activism that is non violent then I have as much right as you or anyone else.

Right XI

I have the right to smoke my cigarettes in public.

That's right. Don't like it, walk across the street. I know the risks of smoking. I know it is bad for me. I do so willingly. I do not want to have to listen to you or some group calling itself "The Truth" telling me how bad it is for the animals in South America or where ever. Don't like second hand smoke don't sit near me. Here's lighting one up for you!

Right X

I have the right to not accept your religious views.

Be it Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Tree Hugger, or a worshipper of Pepsi cans with the Pillsberry Dough Boy on top of them I should have the ability to not only not accept it, but not have to deal with it being pushed upon me. If it makes your life better, that is great. But when I want to deal with any particular faith I will do so on my own terms.

Right XI

I have the right to say that my kid does not need drugs.

If you say that my kid need some Prozac because he is too hyper and he is perfectly fine with me, I should have the ability to reject your claim my kid needs these dumbing down drugs. As a parent it will them be my job to find something of a challenge for my child as you are not providing it for him.

Right XII

I have the right to drive an SUV.

The fact that I can afford an SUV and it is a gas guzzler should not be something that is of any mind to you. I purchased this type of vehicle for my safety and for the safety of my family. While it is terrible that you may be seriously hurt if your Yugo gets in to a crash with my SUV that ultimately is not my problem.

Right XIII

I have a right to my money.

You have no place to tell me how I should spend my money. You have no place to tell me I should give to charity. You have no place to tell me I should give money to the poor, sick, and/or lazy. This is my money and I shall do with it as I please. If I wish to give to charity it is because I am doing it out of my own goodness and not on some guilty trip.

Right XIV

I have a right to know why able bodied people are collecting welfare and SSI checks.

We should help those who cannot help themselves. This is very true. But at the same time those who are leeches on the system, who are playing all tax payers for fools, who feel they are "entitled" to it, and have the ability to work should work. And I, as a tax payer, deserve to know who these people are and why no action is being taken.

Right VX

I have the right to speak English and to have it spoke back to me.

It is great that you know another language. Talk to someone who wants to talk back to you in that language but do not speak to me with it. Here in America that majority of the people speak English. I should not have to speak to you, be forced to hire translators, or have 6.9 million different forms to cator to your language and inability to speak, read, and write in English.