All My Children
I imagine you can call this a letter to a son that may have been better in words before his unfortunate incarceration. Although it is not the worst offense it is an offense against himself and his part in society.
Good Morning Keola,
And I do mean morning because it is 3:15 am. I am thinking of you so strongly, that I have to get up and write you because, as you know, my thoughts will be gone in the morning.
This letter, unlike most of my letters, will be a lecture to you. You may choose to read it or not read it; or as you grow into your age you may read it many more times than this one. (Of course most letters contained a sentence or two of mom things but all because I love you.
I will never be so bold as to say you had a perfect life, but you did have many who loved you unconditionally. Your life had its up and downs and if your father and I had it to do again, I am sure we would do it better. You must understand that most children have up and down lives. None have perfect lives that I know.
We had a good family life while you were growing up and you were the apple of the eyes of your parents, brothers and sister, grandparents, Babun, Aunts, Uncles and very many calabash family and friends. There could not be a child with more photo albums of love.
You had a first birthday where family traveled from far away when they could not really afford it, just to be with you. Your family here spent weeks preparing for it. You had two grampas who thought the sun rose in you, and two gramas who put so much love into your life.
It seems as though you were an appendage of Grampa Lee. His eyes lit up and the smile never left his face as he carried you proudly. Grama Lee spent many hours with you from birth till now, giving you all she could give you.
One of my favorite pictures of you is grama and mom with you in her tummy watching a loving dad and grampa putting together your beautiful new crib. When the day came of the party you were the king and I am not too sure you ever totally lost that title.
Your family on the mainland “oood” over your pictures while here. Your Antie Lori gave you love and gifts that have never ended. Babun loved to play with you and taught you some Japanese. (I wish you had learned more from her.)
Antie Karen and Uncle Butchie were a big part in your life also loading you with love and gifts. Antie Mary took you every place she went when mom was working and Traci or Grama and Grampa Lee did not have you.
Mom and dad lived through you and your brothers and sister for years going to the beach, sailing boats, school conferences (good and not so good), taking friends with us wherever we went. We fished, collected crabs, shells and eels.
We never missed a school function or a sports activity. You and Tedd were buddies from the start. In fact Tedd was very upset with mom and dad that we did not name you Tarzan to match the "T's" He thought you would grow hurt. You went camping, built a pool, and shared holidays.
Your older brothers Tim and Todd took you surfing, your sister Traci even took you to school, Antie Mary took you every place she went when mom was working. And as you grew older you gained many more aunts and an uncle and added to the long list of cousins. Vern became a factor in your life. He loves you and did his best to try to guide you.
You did get into your boyhood troubles and that was pretty normal. But for many reason your troubles grew with you. I really think the lying and getting away with it is your worst fault. It is a hard one to stop. Many of these lies past and present are not fooling anyone but you.
Step up to the man you are and put the lies behind you. We love you enough to take the truth and will stand behind you. There is no need to resort to lies.
Start today and think before you speak a lie or exaggeration of the facts because it hurts all of us. Make a promise to yourself to put that (talent) or lack of character behind YOU.
You are surely not the only one to take a few wrong paths but that is behind you and I wish that the family would let it be. I know you will not appreciate now, the fact that I am expressing to the family, to give you a little incentive to earn money by matching or doubling or tripling or whatever that YOU yourself EARN.
It is a given that too much money makes one less appreciative and lazy. It is now your time to give everyone something new to converse with you about. And that would be, the wonderful qualities you will be bringing out in yourself. Then and only then will there be a new you.
You are such a wonderful, caring, generous, decent, intelligent and handsome man. Please do develop each one of these qualities to the max and be the person you are under that skin. Let it all come to the front and shine.
Now that you have chosen a lovely wife and family you must act as a family man. You have a wonderful ready-made family just as your dad did. Love them with ALL of your heart and give them the most you can.
One day, you will have a great job and a home to call your own and within this little world you will teach your children to do right and avoid wrong. You will want to provide an example for them of how to become upstanding and loving people in this world, to be decent, to really care, to learn how to respect this world.
Keola above all, you and Mel can gain and never loose or damage, the respect you will have for each other because if you have respect you have everything.
Give your children the best you can and you will earn a life worth living. Life will be good to you when you give to It.
Please give it every inch of your thoughts to get a job, and/or go to school. This will be a sign that you have truly seen the light and are going to change for the best.
Lying in bed and eating are not two forms of repentance. Please know that this is from the bottom of my heart and only for YOU. My fondest hope Honey, is that you become all that you can be and that I get to see it.
I love you so very much and never forget "We are under the same big sky"
April 30, 2002
Good morning, Family. Did Carolyn send you all Anty Jan's surprise Birthday thing? If not, I will ask her to do so. This is my very favorite relative and I hope you can make her feel real special.
I am feeling pretty lonely for all of you especially after the movie. This is why I choose in the later stages, not to turn any of your lives upside down by living with you. I am very grateful that I am not there yet except for tying my shoelaces. Guess it is good I wear slippers. lol
Just an update on my feelings lately. I seem to be real anxious and disorganized. I finally found a description for inside my head. People are playing dice inside. lol
Our group has a couple of good sayings. When you go overboard in spending money you haven’t gone on a shopping spree…it is "retail therapy." When you get overwhelmed and tell someone off or just spill the beans at someone, it is an "emotional enema." (saying…”emotional enema” copyrighted by ‘Resa…LOL!) These are some of pitfalls of dementia.
I am still high on going to Barcelona (praying) and am doing speeches and lots of planning for helpful things for others. Guess this has always been my journey and now I know it is to be “THE JOURNEY.” I am happy about this since some people never get a clear picture of why they are here.
I love you all. Talk soon Aloha Mom
From my son-in-law I call my son Chris:
I Love You, Mom. Just ain't told you in a while :)
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