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Jeanne's Journal 2002 July - Nov

Jeanne L. Lee in Hawaii
Author of
Just Love Me
My Life Turned Upsidedown
By Alzheimer's
Honolulu, Hawaii
*****************************************
http://www.angelfire.com/hi4/jleehawaii/
jleehawaii@aol.com

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Welcome to Jeanne's Journal 2002 July thru Dec
It's so quiet and relaxing under the sea!



This is my special place to leave my daily thoughts and remembrances
and maybe just a few "pearls of wisdom"
treasuries I leave for you...


And although we all occassionally find
our ships tossed about on the rough seas of life...




I hope that you can leave my sanctuary
feeling positive and refreshed after your visit.



Hello Jlee, this is Resa leaving you this aloha!!! I wanted to leave a message for all your readers to be sure to visit your Christmas Page & December Journal for 2002 by clicking on the banner below...'Resa




Jeanne's Journal 2002 Jan - June


November 25, 2002







November 29, 2002

It is time I begin to tell you all about the good times cuz they all were more outstanding than my bad ones. The first day I woke up at 3 am raring to go but I let Carolyn sleep. We had out first breakfast in the parlour. This hostal was so beautiful and in old town where all the fun action was. We were on La Rambla. The most traveled strip in the city. Although it was a little noisy when the bars closed it was worth it to be able to over look the tree lined walkway. Our balcony was one of those like out of Shakespeare. The rounded iron and heavily scrolled. We were two blocks from one of the two main hubs in the city for all transportation to everywhere. The largest car I saw was a Mercedes. All small foreign card and hundreds of scooters and bikes. The sidewalks in many parts of town were much wider than the streets. There are outdoor restaurants and bars all over. And we did our share of checking them out. The vinos were wonderful but you don't order a glass you get a bottle that is about 3 glasses and you don't order merlow of zinfandel you order roja or blanko red or white. The cervasa (beer) was stronger than my Bud. Back to the walk of the day that lasted 9 hours and only 40 min of sit down for lunch. Blisters were the evenings pain. However I just bought slippers and kept up the pace.

We saw the La Rambla where you could see mimes every 20 feet for blocks. The funniest was one that was painted silver and sat on the toilet.(TOY_LETTE) Which by the way is how you ask for the restroom in both Spain, France and maybe all over Europe. Restroom bathroom potty don't get you there. One time I held myself to let the girl know where I wanted to go. I did not learn the word for days into the trip.

On La Rambla there are many newsstands, beautiful flowers, birds, trinkets, musicians, etc., etc. There was not 10" of nothing for about 12 blocks or so. Then we hit the beautiful Mediterranean and it is as DEEP blue as one can imagine.

The Mirador de Colon is a very tall skinny piece of ancient art and carvings. The elevator to the top only holds 4 people and one is the operator. The view of the city is amazing. A single file walks around and back down. You get a wonderful site of the harbor and the statues that adorn almost every building. The sail boats outnumbered Hawaii by thousands and that is lots.

We went thru the maritime museum, the Mall de Barcelona (fast), the aquarium, and a few more museums. That covered port Vell. We then walked along the sea for miles before taking a turn into Barcelonetta which is very old and seemed somewhat to be in poverty (I THINK) The streets were very narrow with markets on the corners and wash hung out of every window of about 8 story buildings. This is where we encountered our first taste of siesta time.

We were in a small market looking at a fruit that looked like an ironed artichoke and almost got booted out. So decided to have lunch and a cervesa. Ha Ha not even a clothing store or a curio shop open.

Back to the sea walkway. This walkway is so beautiful and comfortable to sit or walk. So we kept walking. On this walkway was arts and crafts, picasso, scarves, CD's, Spanish leather purses, etc., etc. I bought a CD from a group that just mesmerized us. I could not place the instruments. One was a palm harp and it must be played in heaven…SOOOO beautiful.

We were heading for the water Olympic Park when we discovered under the walkway and on the la playa (beach) that there were open food places. The water was so far out that we opt for a later time to touch our toes in the Mediterranean sea.

The food and Cervesa were welcome. The food I ate would fill this website so I will only highlight it. We tried everything. Not knowing Spanish got us a few weird things but we liked them all. One was a pizza with an over medium egg in the middle. After our 40 minute rest and lovely sites and people watching we began again. The port of Olympic was only 1/2 mile away but we thought about the walk home and saved it for another day.

On the way home we tried to get into the ritziest hotel in Spain and found you have to have a key or reservation to get into the lobby. So we snuck into the banquet area that had somewhat of an art museum as part of the decor. Then we went into the area we were allowed, the casino. We promptly gave $20 each and said the food was more rewarding. Since Hawaii has no gambling I felt the need to give a little money to the cause. We passed so many beautiful clothes stores and churches and gothic architecture, etc., but my feet hurt too much.

The next day I borrowed Carolyn's shoes because I did not find slippers till the bunion pounded ALL night. I can't remember that night’s meal, but I do remember they do not feed their lambs very well (great taste but thin).

Buenos noche for now. This is the first day but some days were much shorter to tell so don't tune out. Even if no one reads this…I will enjoy it for years to come.



November 14, 2002

Just in case anyone thinks I have left this world I think I did. My trip was a step back in time a century or two. Think if I had all my marbles left intact I would move over to Spain for a year or two. May as well begin with the airports since they were the most memorable of all the bad things that could happen. Even with my don't loose me shirt with my itinerancy on it things did not run smoothly. Well, I do have to admit if I had control of a few languages things could have been way .......easier. It makes me a bit ashamed that we in the United States think English is all we have to learn. My Spanish began to come back and helped in a pinch but still did not help me order a pizza without an egg in the middle. I was proud to have tried hundreds of new foods. Lynn was a godsend many times with her fluent Spanish. This is a good one for us with dementia and the Spanish being up to date.

Helen or Verna arranged for someone to meet me at the airport to get me to my hotel as Carolyn was a few hours behind me. I got off the plane after 34 hours on the plane and in airports with suitcases 1 box and a carry on. Hitched a ride on a cart that made a terrible racket when I pushed it. Waited, waited afraid to move from the assigned spot. Well, a couple of hours Passed and I began to feel less guilty about leaving. Later we found out the People from the Spanish convention who were to pick me up could not find a registered nurse or a doctor to get me so they left me. Evidently they have not heard of early stage and they did not have one person with dementia at the convention. In fact, Peter I think was the lone person from Europe. But then I was the lone person from the US also LOL. I was soon off to my Hostal. More about it later aloha and I will be in the land of aloha in a day. whoopee and my Vern waiting at the airport.



October 12, 2002

The countdown is here. I have suitcases and boxes all over the house. Today is my first day off in a long time so it is really a go. Poor Vern is almost living on the golf course to let me spread out. However this is not a punishment for him.

It feels good to have a few of the overwhelming things cleared from my head such as taking care of the sick dog, the house, riding busses and the funding. It now leaves me time to pack and go to my last swim in the ocean.

Upon my arrival I will need to go directly to the ocean, find some sashimi (raw fish), smell my welcome home plumeria lei and hear some of my Hawaiian Music. Then I will know I am home.

I finally got the funding papers turned into the Alzheimer's Assoc. This was a great accomplishment with all else on my mind. I am sure they will have some questions or further information I need to fill out but it is too late. it is a pretty far reach idea anyhow. Most of the money goes for research. Although I feel it is research to include early stages they may not.

The excitement of the trip and everything it stands for is ringing cheer in my ears. I really think this will be a huge stepping stone for The Dementia Associations to finally include the many persons waiting through the Advocacy we preach to be accepted in the world as what and who we are.

I feel so blessed to have my sister with me. She is very smart and has traveled quite frequently. My Alzheimer's has my reasoning, spending monies and knowing where to be at what time in shrivels. I am a little afraid of the three major airports I land in by myself and change planes but the T-shirt should help. Think I am on the plane for 22 hours not counting the time in the airports. Thank God for my guardian Angels who will get me through it all. I thank all of the DASNI people for their support and my friends and family for the monies I could not get funded. Aloha for the month of October unless I can report on the trip.



September 29, 2002

I think it is time for the rough seas. In the last few days I have worked 3 shifts of 11 hours two of 9. I sprained my ankle and have only two days off till I leave for Barcelona.

On the 4th I will be back using only one computer which will remove so many problems.M

I have a couple of serious family problems again.

Tita the dog is having many seizures that they now think it may not be epilepsy. I am so afraid I might loose her before Martin gets home. He loves that puppy so much and it is the little part of his wife he can hold onto. I will be happy when I can deliver her safely into his arms. This will be a second relief.

All my customers want just one last cleaning before I go. My own house is a total disaster. Last night while flossing I lost a filling the size of a tooth. Now I have to get to the dentist and I have to ask for an appointment on Tuesday between 3 – 4, Wed 8 - 9 or 4 – 5, Thurs. 2 - 3 or 5 – 6, Fri 4 – 6, or Sat 9 –10, and if not I go on a prayer that this 5” gap will not cause trouble.

I have to go get my jewelry appraised so I do not need to pay duty on my own jewelry. The baskets and bookmarks are not complete.

The things I have to do for my book are mounting.

I printed flyers to take to the AD walk only to find it was on another Island yesterday and last week here. Guess they did not call me for the volunteer job. WHAT A SURPRISE!

Tuesday I work a split and go and pick up the dog from the groomer. This is 6 busses. Friday I work a split as Martin comes home and I have to be there then go back to work another 6 busses.

AND VISIT MY DOCTOR ON THE 9TH AFTER WORKING A FULL DAY. Other than that I think I will just lounge around the pool…lol my tan I was sporting for Barcelona is gone. ..aloha pray, pray, pray for me



September 26, 2002

tHOUGHT i WOULD JOT A FEW WORDS WHEN THINGS ARE MORE UNDER CONTROL. yOU NOTICE i DID NOT SAY UNDER CONTROL. i THINK THAT is a gone deal in my life. (just check out this sentence to see how under control I am)

Dog is taken care of. Got my e-mails off today (of them). Talked to Martin and got his air info so I could arrange his pick up on the 4th of Oct. Got a real shock yesterday when one of my employers (that I clean every three weeks) said guess I won't see you next time.

It was the first I thought Barcelona was less than 3 weeks away. wow So many things to get accomplished for the trip and martins arrival but I am at least following my notes (when I can find them)

Last night I went to a Karaoke bar with 15 friends. There are so many talented people on these Islands. every family has one or two that dance or sing or play an instrument. I do the LA LA LA background well. As long as it is WAY in the background.

Tonight I am going to see the stage play Chicago. Guess I still find time to play. Just throws stuff off a day.

The book progress is going so well it makes me very happy. I am now working with 5 people from Purdue in my spare time. This is quite a project. Don't think Ill try it again. (well who knows, there surely is another one or two in me. But the process is tough on this old gal. Aloha Jeanne



September 23, 2002

oh my what can I say but eeeeeeeeeeee. I am so loaded with stuff to do.

today my list is 18 things long and two of them will take most of the day. I am not quitting till pau (finished) oops always talk Hawaiian pigeon when rushing.

Of course you all know of the saga of Barcelona. Now the newest is I may represent the USA in a panel of "How the AD society can be more inclusive of early stage dementia. This is my soap box from 1997 and now I get to shout it way above the Hawaii ad group who has been pushing me under the rug through two administration and 5 years. I e-mailed the board of directors and really wanted to put nah nah nah but decided to remain professional.

I am 3/4 of the way finished with the bookmarks ribbons and forget-me-nots for the Convention. now I am wondering how much luggage to take and my sis is away for a week. Par for my life seems like nothing runs smooth. I feel like a jerk complaining when one of my good friends had way more serious problems.

Now that I have you captive in my journal I will continue to B----. Tita the dog I am sitting is having loads of seizures and needs medical attention. I have to travel in cab with her since the bus won't let her on and Vern is working that day.

This is a minor incident but needs attention. have not been able to join chat for a few days either because I cannot get in or I am working. That is such a good place to air things one at a time. persons with your same problems getting things accomplished in a timely matter are so great to chat with and cry with and laugh with. It seems as though if I do not get on in two or three days my problems become insurmountable.

I caught heck for making too much noise at the pool party and lost a front door key since I have been housesitting. Just to add a little excitement to my life.

Called a friend to see how she was and she needed to get to the doctors and was not able to drive. just like me I said that is no problem I have a friend coming and we can take you. Well, after she made the appointment I could not get my friend who was running late so had to call a cab and tell the driver not to let her know I was paying just pretend like he was my friend. After all this was settled my friend rang the bell and she called to tell me she thinks she will have no problem driving since she has been up for a while.

Just a half hour in the life of Jeanne. Oh yes I can go on. But keep in mind I have not burned down the house YET. Vern's son came here on emergency for his grama and he is staying in my bedroom with three computers in it and a few paper piles that are permanent fixtures in my room. Just a bit embarrassed he lives in a 5 bedroom mansion. oh well. When you are poor you are poor and I have been there so often in my life. That is my place and I too am living in a mansion.

I know there are four more real important problems I was to tell you about but I forgot them and I will be darned if I am going to TRY to remember them. Thanks for listening. Maybe the next journal will be all good news aloha



September 17, 2002

It has been so long since I have checked out my own site or written in my journal that I am at a lost for words. I hurt so badly for my webmaster who is taking care of her husband with the later stages of cancer. Maybe I can walk myself and you backwards a few weeks.

This weekend I had a wonderful pool party at martins. We had food and drinks, swam, barbecued, laughed and had a wonderful time. The board of directors of the community had a few complaints but then there were so many of us tough. We had a ball. I have also been repaying a few couples or persons that have done so much for me and the family over the years with small dinner parties.

I have still been cleaning the other 6 homes but now the bus ride or rides are longer. I am baby-sitting a little teacup poodle with epilepsy. I am making 1100 book mark tags for our bookmarks in Barcelona. They have a little forget-me-not at the end of a ribbon. Planned to have lots of help but illness in the family of my friend made that impossible.

I have made about 15 turtles into our DASSY mascot. They are so cute I think I will do an auction after the Convention to raise some money for our group. Probably they will only interest our group but that is OK.

I am living in the luxury that I use to be in but it is free. The view of the Mts. ocean and ponds is something to relax the most restless. The pool exercise room and library are nice too. The party room keeps the homeland in perfect shape.

I have talked to all the kids almost every week and it sure is nice they all are doing pretty well. I will be in Washington for the baby shower for Melinda and Tedd. I have to tell them how much fun it was when mine for keola was both men and women.

When I return home in early October it will be only 9 days till B day Barcelona this is good because I always begin packing a month early and take too much. I am proud of myself to have chosen three colors and stuck by them. All intermatches. Since I do not own a coat I will be taking layers and blazers. The latest news is that we will probably get to go to France also. Carolyn is doing most of the planning and I am easy to please so I am sure it will be wonderful. of course she will have to do any driving. Love to take the train over there.

Lets see can I go back oh yes my great friend Barbara was diagnosed with schizophrenia. She was pretty tired when I spoke with her so I hope to find out more later. She will be part of a new drug trial and is happy about that.

Talk to my sister Mary the most often of the family. We have a close relationship from living here together. She is working lots and not doing much else. In fact think that is what goes on in the flett family except for Carolyn who lives out of a packed suitcase. She is on the go all the time. Well, deserved. She is like a mother to my Traci and her kids and a wonderful antie to the rest.

I will just add the last letter on my book so you can get the latest update.

Monday Update #2 Date: 9/17/02 4:28:31 AM Hawaiian Standard Time From: jaburdge@hotmail.com (Jessica Burdge) To: jleehawaii@aol.com

Hi Jeanne,

Your package arrived safely today. I've handed over your (very lovely)! photograph to our designer, and we're all discussing the pros and cons of putting it on the front cover. Before we decide definitively, we're going to have Dan (he's our designer) make up a mock cover, and see what it'd look like. I'll keep you updated on the decision making (as soon as one is made, that is...). As for your text: your notes are very clear, and I don't think I'll have any problems inputting this information. If I have any questions, I'll be sure to let you know. In addition to that, we received your thoughts concerning Cliff Reid, and it might be best to acknowledge him just once, in the acknowledgement section, as opposed to having "assisted by Cliff Reid" on the title page. There's no reason to give him excess credit when it's not due! Enjoy your week (confusing days and all!) and write if you have any questions!

Jessica

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jessica,

I love your Monday reports. It makes me smile and proceed with the work for the week without stressing over the book. I surely do appreciate your understanding of my disease. I forgot to put somewhere the names of Mark and Ellen Werner of Ageless Design as they truly are the persons who helped me to get the book in a form and provide you at Purdue with information to make publication a possibility. Where do you think they should be? I am so grateful for what they have done for me when I was in tears over possibly of letting it go or paying large amounts of money to get it out or putting it in the closet for another year. I am so thrilled that it will soon be out there helping people to understand just a little part of those of us living with dementia's.
Guess this is the important stuff I remembered…Aloha for now Jeanne



August 24, 2002

Thought I would jot a few words since my mind has been traveling at 100mph since 1:30 am. I finally had to just get up at 2:45 to get on the computer to get some of it in print. Sometimes that will help to get some room for the other things trying to get out. Guess with all this needing to get out there is no room for anything to get in. I really feel like a machine running on overload and I must unload to keep going. The body has become so clear to me on how it runs. Well mine anyhow.

My time to stay at Martin Denny's place. he and his daughter will be traveling and crusin' around Europe for a month. It will be such a pleasant place to stay but I have so much on my mind and so much to do. I have a hard time packing my purse foe an hour away so I know everything I need will be at the other house. Vern will spend a little time with me and a lot of time at HIS HOME (he hates to be away from our place (except for Vegas where he will be for a couple of weeks while I am away making it very hard to get stuff I need. Oh well the bus system is good but time consuming.

I am working on my trip to Barcelona and have been given the general management for the DASNI booth, which means manning setting up designing and making all the stuff I have ideas for to make it special. And of course I have to take two or three versions of a set up to make it just what I want. Plan to have material printed with our logo dassy on it. Oh before I forget I am having a shirt printed up for my trip with my itinerary on it and" do not loose me " That way I may have some help along the way so that I get to my destination. The total hours in the air for the round trip will be over 42 and the layovers I think amount to about 20 more so needless to say I will need it just to read myself every few hours. Hope I just remember my name by the time I arrive. I am so happy Carolyn my sis will be meeting me at the hotel in Barcelona and we will be together till I leave Barcelona. She is going to help at the convention and is doing most of the planning. This is such a tremendous weight off me.

Well wherever I was I have forgotten and If I reread this I will not get to my next thing so will continue another day. It is now 6:30 AM AND TIME TO GET UP LOL Hope I do not fall asleep at the picnic for the community theater or at the concert I am going to afterwards. no plans for Sunday maybe I can get in a little sleep. Aloha once more till we meet again.



August 19, 2002

Today is Tim's birthday and last week was Jennifer’s. Jen is my second oldest grandchild and Tim is my oldest son. Wow 41 am I old or what?

Have no idea where I left off in my life but am sure it was before the saga of my computer and the loss possibly of my hard drive. I finally after two weeks of daily screaming incidents with Hewlett Packard and comp USA I reached the second in command at Hewlett P. It use to take me minutes to accomplish the same thing.

I am on an antique computer with hardly any memory or hard drive left. Trying to work on the two biggest events next to children’s births in my life and they were a drop in the bucket compared to what this is doing to me. My book and 800 people I need to notify about the book to say nothing of my life for the last year. I have two good warranties and neither of them were doing much to help me.

Got to go to the bank and take a deposit that I have been carrying in my purse for a week and may have caused a bounced check.

Thank the Lord, Carolyn my sis will be going to Barcelona with me or I will meet her there. I was so taken back by all the choices for things to do places to stay prices etc etc I just told her to please make all the arrangements and I’d be happy.

I'm off to chat. This is life support for me. The topic is flying or traveling alone which I will be through Detroit and Amsterdam. I was not worrying about it a bit till all this stuff came up. Guess I’ll be ok when it calms and if it does not calm down soon I won't know what is going on so I won't care …lol! Love you all for being there for me. Aloha Jeanne



August 9, 2002

I know why Mari writes everyday for I have forgotten most of what i have done since the last entry.

I do know that I have been working a tremendous amount It is nothing new but I am having lots of computer problems.my children are in a better place now so that worry is mostly gone.

my book is giving me stress and it takes me weeks to get answers from the new person taking over. it seems that it will go through at least 4 more people that I have to deal with.

I seem to be getting more stressed amd much easier. when i send an e-mail and then do one more thing I need to check the sent mail to see if i have sent it. too many things going on in my head to keep them seperate. They all flow together and I get nothing done even if i am on the computer for 6hours a night or day sometimes more.

To add to the stress my electricity went out in the middle of dinner preperation. Vern went for tacos and we had to put a wonderful roast with potatoes, carrots and onions into the refrigerator. Thank god for my elactrician x husband. He came to the rescue. He is in a walker so that made it 10 times harder for him.

I now cannot listen to the tv and type. i get so confused with more than one sound. Like going to a rest. with music silverware banging and people talking. Can't stay. My Hawaiian music seems to be my solace. I need a swim in the ocean every day to get a grip. So guess Ill go try that before continuing the work I have to do. aloha jeanne



July 28, 2002

I have so much to say and no time to say it. 4 out of 5 of my kids are having relationship problems. Just heartbreaking for a mother when it happens to one. It all comes at a time I have deadlines to meet for the marketing of the book. I have typed over 420 names and addresses and lost the first 150 and had to do it over. I am trying to get addresses from all over the world in hopes that I get to do book signings. I have collected about 200 of people and organizations that have inquired. All this is very second in my heart now. Although I can do nothing but give support, my heart hangs very low. Somehow I always blame myself for anything that happens to them. Given these two jobs and a full schedule of cleaning 7 houses just leaves me in that old overwhelmed state. Wonder if there will ever be a time in this life when I will say I have something completed.

I was pondering over the accident I had a couple of years ago … or 3, before I quit driving. I was stopped at a stop sign, looked, saw a car coming, and plowed into the back half of the car. Now that I see some of the things I do, I feel I looked right, saw the car looked right saw no car forgot the other car and went. Please you folks driving with dementia think about it. The ole mind (if you forget) is not fast enough for the responsibilities of driving. Aloha for this week



July 21, 2002

Please visit my Jeanne's Awards Page to view the new award I received from Bobbi of "Life Happens" web site.

My site was nominated for this award by my webmistress, Teresa Robbins and this is the reply I received by email from Bobbi:
I went to your site and you are a special woman and I would like to present you with this award for a special site...

Keep up the great work and spread your story. I am touched by it. I know you have helped others to understand Alzheimer's and I am very interested in this topic...

Angel Hugs
Lady Bobbii
ladybobbii@forever-me-lady.net
http://lifehappens.topcities.com/

This is a lovely award. Thanks so much Bobbi, and I send out my thanks to you for visiting my site and presenting me with this award...Aloha from Jeanne Lee in Hawaii.



July 21, 2002

Please visit my Jeanne's Awards Page to view the new award I received from Ruth Ann Mahaffey of Ruth Ann's "Moments of Memories" web site.

My site was nominated for this award by my webmistress, Teresa Robbins and this is the reply she received by email from Ms. Mahaffey:
Dear Teresa,

Thank you for applying for my award for Jeanne's site that you maintain. I want to apologize for not getting back to you sooner, but I have been out of state for the last several days on business and just returned today. I am trying desperately to get some email taken care of before I have to leave again this Monday for a couple more days, and I wanted to get this award off to you before I leave again.

Jeanne's site is just wonderful!! I wish I could have spent more time there tonight, but it is after 3:00 AM, so I am trying to do this with toothpicks holding my eyes open. *S* Her site is VERY deserving of all awards out there, and please be assured I will be back to visit just as soon as I get back next week and hopefully return to a more "normal" life without so much running to do. *S*

May I congratulate her on a great job well done and all that she is doing to help others with the knowledge she has.

Please, give her my best and let her know I will be visiting in a few days and will then sign her guestbook.

May God bless you and her and all that she is doing.

With love and prayers,
Ruth Ann Mahaffey
http://ruthann1.com

This is an absolutely beautiful award. Thanks so much Ruth, and Aloha with gratitude from Jeanne Lee in Hawaii.



July 15, 2002

Guess I will try to get into a journal entry. I have been on overload since the marketing procedure began for my book. This may be lots easier for TABS (temporary abled bodies) but for me as a PWID (person with dementia) I am having one hell of a time.

I spent 6 hours typing names and addresses of organizations and people to inform when and where the book will be available and then proceeded to loose the list. These names were taken from little scraps of paper filed but not all kept in one place, the phone book, literature, my e-mail (thank God I could Print that), and phone calls.

My wonderful friend printed out a very long list for me. I think I have about 6-800 so far and I am only up to where I started the list yesterday, or the day before it was lost.

I cried all night and went to all sorts of help lines to find it. I cannot remember the file that I was using to save my list in and I can find it no where. Now I am saving my new list after each entry and in three separate places. As you can imagine this is taking a lot of time. After this entry I plan to go to lunch and hop in the ocean. Hopefully it is not to kill myself…LOL.

A couple of the kids are having problems and that weighs heavy on the mind. I sent a poem to Angelo (grandson) for his second birthday and it was his third birthday. How ashamed and embarrassed I felt. Damn this disease.

I use to keep such good track of birthdays. My sweet daughter sent me an e-mail saying how wonderful the poem was but informed me that I had already wrote the second one and asked would it be possible for me to write for the third. I did that and it was cute.

I live in a world of mistakes and challenges…some much harder than the rest. I try to keep upbeat, but once in awhile I have to say, 'Why Me?' even though I know the purpose is for my new journey of helping people with dementia and others to understand.

I have plans and deadlines to be able to get ready for my trip to Barcelona. My room and work area is stacked so high with papers since I cannot move one thing for fear of forgetting something important that should be on my agenda.

Vern came into my room today and said, “One takes their life in their own hands to come in here!” Thank God, he was laughing or he may have been wearing the computer. I sure wish it was easier for others to understand how very hard it is to try to do things when your brain does not cooperate and will not tell you how to go about doing things.

I go to the doctor this week and can't wait to hear the Doctor’s build up on the miracle I am living and how much I get done. I’m glad she does not see this room. Although I tell her of my difficulties, it is not easy to explain what a picture would show.

I better sign off or my free lunch will be gone. I have been on the computer since 4:00 AM and it is now 11:30. I will take off two hours and come back to continue. Also there is a 3:00 PM chat and a 9:00 PM International meeting on the Internet I’m planning on attending.

I have at least another few hundred addresses to type, as I have been saving requests and contacts since I began the book in 1994 or ’95…Aloha…no spell check today as it would take another hour or so…Love you all, Jeanne



July 9, 2002

Well my little Angelo is three but when asked to write one of my famous poems for birthdays (they hang them on the wall) I sat and composed "well look at me I've just turned two etc., etc. They called and said, “mom it is another great poem, but we have one for two, he will be three.” Finally I can blame forgetting birthdays and ages on Alzheimer’s. Think I have only forgotten one or two in all the years of children and grand children but three mixed up this 7 months. Oh well.

Had a long, long cold. It’s happening to lots of people. It has kept me from swimming for three weeks, and that is too long. So today, I go into the ocean good or bad for me.

Thought of going to have an X-ray, as pneumonia three times in two years is unusual. Now I am reading about a virus that turns into pneumonia and resembles TB. It comes from old showerheads and the likes. Don't want to sound like a hypochondriac, but I have lived in 4 apartments that I could not even remove the very old showerhead to replace it. The Drs. here probably have not heard of this new virus yet.

Went to the beach and read a book with passing sprinkles. It was relaxing though. So they say the final revised contract on the book went out on July 8. We will see. Sure would like to sell them in Barcelona. ‘Jeanne don't count on it----------forgot.’…Aloha Jeanne



July 5, 2002

I have no idea where the time goes. I wish I could recall the past week because I have not written events down, but that is past and so are the memories. That is not to say that I did not have fun. A couple of things I remember are going on a boat ride, going to the beach, working, and making travel plans and la la la la la la la la.

I again am trying to do 5 things besides work. I sure wish organization was something that I could grab hold of and work with it. You folks just do not know what a blessing it is to be able to have the powers of organization. To lots of you, organization may come hard to, but if you set your mind to it, you can do. I cannot.

I have one friend that will be worrying about my traveling till the day I get home. Thank God it is not Vern (he is worried but says he knows I'll go anyway.) This friend lives in "the what ifs" and it drives me so crazy that the friendship is narrowing. I cannot live with "the what ifs" or I would never have been able to move ahead in this disease.

Have a birthday this month? Angelo is three. I always write poems for the Ratermann’s birthday for the boys and they frame them. I also write a poem for my Daddy’s birthday. I sure miss him. I am lucky because he is so near to me and each time I smell fresh cut grass (childhood memories) we talk.

I just bought a juicer. I get tired of paying $4.50 per glass. Guess I still have a few creative juices in me cause I can blend of some great vegetable and fruit juices. I use that for at least one meal per day and two if I don't cook something really good for Vern

Please visit my Jeanne's Awards Page to view the new award I received from Disability Network Inc....Aloha from Jeanne







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