Jeanne's 2002 Journal Jan - June

I imagine you can call this a letter to a son that may have been better in words before his unfortunate incarceration. Although it is not the worst offense it is an offense against himself and his part in society.

04/13/02

Good Morning Keola,

And I do mean morning because it is 3:15 am. I am thinking of you so strongly, that I have to get up and write you because, as you know, my thoughts will be gone in the morning.

This letter, unlike most of my letters, will be a lecture to you. You may choose to read it or not read it; or as you grow into your age you may read it many more times than this one. (Of course most letters contained a sentence or two of mom things but all because I love you.

I will never be so bold as to say you had a perfect life, but you did have many who loved you unconditionally. Your life had its up and downs and if your father and I had it to do again, I am sure we would do it better. You must understand that most children have up and down lives. None have perfect lives that I know.

We had a good family life while you were growing up and you were the apple of the eyes of your parents, brothers and sister, grandparents, Babun, Aunts, Uncles and very many calabash family and friends. There could not be a child with more photo albums of love.

You had a first birthday where family traveled from far away when they could not really afford it, just to be with you. Your family here spent weeks preparing for it. You had two grampas who thought the sun rose in you, and two gramas who put so much love into your life.

It seems as though you were an appendage of Grampa Lee. His eyes lit up and the smile never left his face as he carried you proudly. Grama Lee spent many hours with you from birth till now, giving you all she could give you.

One of my favorite pictures of you is grama and mom with you in her tummy watching a loving dad and grampa putting together your beautiful new crib. When the day came of the party you were the king and I am not too sure you ever totally lost that title.

Your family on the mainland “oood” over your pictures while here. Your Antie Lori gave you love and gifts that have never ended. Babun loved to play with you and taught you some Japanese. (I wish you had learned more from her.)

Antie Karen and Uncle Butchie were a big part in your life also loading you with love and gifts. Antie Mary took you every place she went when mom was working and Traci or Grama and Grampa Lee did not have you.

Mom and dad lived through you and your brothers and sister for years going to the beach, sailing boats, school conferences (good and not so good), taking friends with us wherever we went. We fished, collected crabs, shells and eels. We never missed a school function or a sports activity. You and Tedd were buddies from the start. In fact Tedd was very upset with mom and dad that we did not name you Tarzan to match the "T's" He thought you would grow hurt. You went camping, built a pool, and shared holidays.

Your older brothers Tim and Todd took you surfing, your sister Traci even took you to school, Antie Mary took you every place she went when mom was working. And as you grew older you gained many more aunts and an uncle and added to the long list of cousins. Vern became a factor in your life. He loves you and did his best to try to guide you.

You did get into your boyhood troubles and that was pretty normal. But for many reason your troubles grew with you. I really think the lying and getting away with it is your worst fault. It is a hard one to stop. Many of these lies past and present are not fooling anyone but you.

Step up to the man you are and put the lies behind you. We love you enough to take the truth and will stand behind you. There is no need to resort to lies.

Start today and think before you speak a lie or exaggeration of the facts because it hurts all of us. Make a promise to yourself to put that (talent) or lack of character behind YOU.

You are surely not the only one to take a few wrong paths but that is behind you and I wish that the family would let it be. I know you will not appreciate now, the fact that I am expressing to the family, to give you a little incentive to earn money by matching or doubling or tripling or whatever that YOU yourself EARN.

It is a given that too much money makes one less appreciative and lazy. It is now your time to give everyone something new to converse with you about. And that would be, the wonderful qualities you will be bringing out in yourself. Then and only then will there be a new you.

You are such a wonderful, caring, generous, decent, intelligent and handsome man. Please do develop each one of these qualities to the max and be the person you are under that skin. Let it all come to the front and shine.

Now that you have chosen a lovely wife and family you must act as a family man. You have a wonderful ready-made family just as your dad did. Love them with ALL of your heart and give them the most you can.

One day, you will have a great job and a home to call your own and within this little world you will teach your children to do right and avoid wrong. You will want to provide an example for them of how to become upstanding and loving people in this world, to be decent, to really care, to learn how to respect this world.

Keola above all, you and Mel can gain and never loose or damage, the respect you will have for each other because if you have respect you have everything.

Give your children the best you can and you will earn a life worth living. Life will be good to you when you give to It.

Please give it every inch of your thoughts to get a job, and/or go to school. This will be a sign that you have truly seen the light and are going to change for the best.

Lying in bed and eating are not two forms of repentance. Please know that this is from the bottom of my heart and only for YOU. My fondest hope Honey, is that you become all that you can be and that I get to see it.

I love you so very much and never forget "We are under the same big sky"

April 11, 2002

Yesterday was Martin Denny's birthday. He had 14 guests and I was fortunate to be one of them. I sat next to a lady who is a famous bandleader's wife and is 2 weeks younger than Martin who is 91 years young. We had food to die for and Martin played the piano for us when dinner was over and signed a CD for each of us.

I borrowed his favorite picture of he and June who has passed away, and had it enlarged and framed. He had a place set for her and was so happy with the gift. For anyone who knows I draped a Maile Lei over it.

Can't wait to hear from my son as I sent him a tape of KIKIDA which is a (superman type Japanese). He used to watch it every day when he was small. They just happened to be playing it for 5 Sundays. He was so impressed when I bought him a Kekida doll (he’d kill me) a couple of years ago that I found at an antique place. It is a collector’s item now.

Last week I sent Traci a gift certificate as she is going to her cousin’s graduation from college. The next son got some clothes with Hawaiian stuff on them. He was my big wave surfer and loves that sort of thing so he is easy to please. The next two birthdays are in June and August.

I have been feeling better but got my face slapped by yet another Doctor. Boy, why there needs to be a God when we have doctors I do not know. The doctor told the head of the nurses and nursing students that he would not work with me because he had never heard of our DASNI group. At the present time I am gathering materials to send him to acquaint him with the year 2002. He will know it by the time I get through if he will just bother to read.

Again I have too much on my plate but handling it a little better. I am taking the contract for my book to my attorney Tuesday to make sure it is both good for my book and me. Aloha for now…Jeanne

April 3, 2002

I am getting so very busy seems as though my mind is working 24 hours a day.

I have been on 3 more mg of exelon and not only myself, but many others are noticing a change for the better.

I have been sending out proposals, grants and posts to DASNI. I wake up 5 times a night to write something I must tend to tomorrow. It is like drinking a pot of strong coffee. The will to slow down is not a factor. I have thought of many small ways to get help for Barcelona and starting a DASNI branch here in Honolulu to get the early stage information out to the professionals as well as dementia persons and anyone who cares.

I wish family was closer to help me in my journey. I am so lucky to have many brilliant children and children by marriage.

April 2, 2002

This email message that I received has been kept alive and moving since 9/11. In memory of all those who perished this morning; the passengers and the pilots on the United Air and AA flights, the workers in the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, and all the innocent bystanders. Our prayers go out to the friends and families of the deceased:

IF I KNEW

If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say "I love you,"
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.

There will always be another day
to say "I love you,"
And certainly there's another chance
to say our "Anything I can do?"

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,

That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear.

April 1, 2002

Happy April Fools Day all!!! it is almost traci’s birthday. I’m so glad my labor was long enough so Traci did not have to be an april fools daughter, especially since she is my only daughter till my boys got married.

i was just checking out my web site and am so grateful to my web mistress. she not only did a beautiful job that 1541? people have viewed, but she remains a best friend, and helps me so often. if i had a payroll she would be on it. i do try to keep ahead of my requests with a few bucks but there is no way i could afford to pay her what she is worth.

each time one of the kids has a birthday it reminds me about their parties, cakes and games we played. some of them were so funny. the one game that comes to mind, is the one where we put clothes in two suitcases by layers and layers, and then we formed two relay teams. the kids would put the clothes on and run to the other end and take them off and then the next kid would put the clothes on.

those of us not in the game, would laugh so hard we were crying. the boys putting on bras and girls getting into work boots was so funny… lol. even makes me laugh tonight.

i have a perfect mental picture even of some of the bodies but they no longer have faces to go with those bodies . the kid’s friends are not very clear any more. oh, some special friends are but not all!

got to go to bed so i can get up early enough to call traci in arizona before she goes to school to teach. next is todd’s birthday and he has not answered my e-mail. i seem to have lost his address for his present. that’s the story of my life, so i don't get too upset about it anymore. it just makes for more confusion, if i let it get to me.

got a nice letter from one of the group that said she noticed a difference since my meds were increased. I also have received another request for the book. aloha…*yawn* from Jeanne

March 31, 2002

Happy Easter from Hawaii!!!

March 29, 2002

i guess the end of the month is a good time to total up a few things. i met a wonderful person on the board of alzheimers here in honolulu. she has helped me to understand and has alerted me to so many things that are happening. she has me on the agenda for the meeting this week or next.

i also received my sample contract to look over. the few things that aren't greek to me sound good. vern has a cousin who is an attorney. i have gathered some of the yes and no's that others in the group have given me. they have published books and helped me to recognize certain things.

sent off tracis birthday present. todd is next and tedd in the middle of the month. 3 out of 5 in april think that is pretty unbelievable. also my brother and niece and then there is martin denny's 91st. he is only inviting 14 people and vern and i are two. he said since i was at the same place with he and june the day before she passed it was only fitting. i feel very privileged.

worked hard and then went for a walk around majic island. boy do i need to walk more. the winter makes me lazy. happy easter

if anyone has any ideas on how to get funding to barcelona to speak just drop me an e-mail. not getting many results from the ones i sent out...aloha jeanne

March 25, 2002

I received this poem by forwarded email and liked it so much that I thought I'd include it in my journal for my readers:

The Smile Starter

Smiling is infectious,
You catch it like the flu.
When someone smiled at me today,
I started smiling too.
I passed around the corner,
and someone saw my grin.
When he smiled I realized,
I'd passed it to him.
I thought about that smile,
then I realized its worth.
A single smile just like mine,
could travel the earth.

So, if you feel a smile begin,
don't leave it undetected.
Let's start an epidemic quick,
and get the world infected!

I'm smiling. Are you???…aloha jeanne

March 20, 2002

tomorrow at 8:15 i will be on tv. speaking always about how things fall into place. here is one of them. i had sent a tv news show and community recognition at the end of the news. i asked to talk to the main person. i told them in my packet of things that i would call at 10:00 on thursday to speak to her. i called and she had not received the envelope. so we spoke and i told her of my plight and she said, “can you come on tomorrow?” well that is how it started.

later in the day, i was mentioned to an education specialist for the geriatric dept. she was amazed to learn that i had been put off by the directors for 5 or so years. she got right on the problem and is fully on my side. i feel that i was cheated out of 5 years i could have been spreading the word of early stage persons.

she speaks of dementia’s and not only ad. i think this is the break through that i have been looking for in hawaii. i felt i was so alone in mapping out my plight. now i find out that i am far from alone. thank those little angels for steering me to the right people, when it was a good time. i am on a run now. look out world…aloha jeanne

March 18, 2002

went to st. patricks evening dancing in the street. sure had fun but was ready to go home at 8:00. worked mon, tues and tomorrow. i should hear from the tv station soon. who knows…aloha for today all.

March 15, 2002

today is the 15th and i can't even imagine where the month went. next month has lots of family birthdays. i am one up on myself, for i already have traci, todd, and tedd gifts.

hope i am not repeating myself but one of the ladies i work for is a doctor and she is trying to get help for my funding. i truly work for the best people. like today another lady wrote on my eps. jeanne my best days are when you come here. guess i can still do that well. as of late i am even doing a good job on my own. my bedroom is just about as i want it but not to fung shui??? cuz lots under my bed.

a full day off tomorrow. sunday vern and i have been invited to the home of the man and his girlfriend i met on the boat three weeks ago/

last night the girls got together for corn beef and cabbage. they really miss me on the outings i use to attend. such as st. patricks day parade and the blocks of people drinking green beer and the place is so noisy. I bow out of all those kind of things anymore or if i go i leave very early.

i think this i good news. went to dr brandon yesterday and she has been checking out a new limit on exelon. seems as though i can take up to 12 mg of it instead of 6mg.

March 12, 2002

i keep hoping i will wake up to the old me not the old me as before diagnosis but two weeks ago. I do not think this is how things go but for me the last few days have been way less than two weeks ago. maybe it is too much stress, maybe pneumonia, maybe yet another large step into the disease.

i am neither down nor anxious just having things harder than usual and making more mistakes. all i can do is pray it is a temporary thing. it seems like this has happened before.

Dalton and Melinda had birthdays this month and next is a big one for me.

I went to the beach to sit in the sun (under an umbrella) just to see if i could bake a little of the illness out of me. my immune system must be that of a 100-year-old woman.

I got a new desk for my computer. I’m picking it up tomorrow. then I can take it off bed stands and a piece of plywood.

i am forgetting things before the pen in my hand reaches the paper in front of me.

March 7, 2002

today is the first day off i have had since the 1st. I could have unpacked boxes but choose to stay in my nitie and vegetate. spent lots of time on the computer to try to get the funding solutions straight . it seems to be too much for me. the first one went well and i should have done them all at the same time.

i am also working on yet another speech to give to the students and staff at Queens nursing school. and then there is keeping up with email and chat which i love.

i have been working double shifts but martin is doing better and he is going to get wheels on lol meals on wheels. that will cut down the doubles.

the news of yesterday was my son Keola eloped. what a surprise! he is a father of two and i am a grama of two more making it 13. also i have a new daughter-in-law. if he is happy so am i. he loves being a mr. mom. the kids are 2-3. i have not met them yet, but hope to do so very soon. they are repeating it for family next feb 14. i am happy for that.

what else has happened? rian my granddaughter had a birthday. i have been very busy with DASNI. the reason i have been with martin denny is he had congestive heart failure but is amazing for a 90 year old recovering.

well guess i am back to the 18 when i wrote i worked 2 jobs today. what’s new? . my cousin’s son was killed in portland running for the max. he was only 26. i can’t imagine what it is like to loose a child. i have 2 girlfriends who have lost a son also.

at least i got a week or so down for the journal when it will get entered i know not… got to go make meatballs for a sail tomorrow. went dancing at the elks with friends yesterday… aloha jeanne

March 10, 2002

i have so much to say. i have to do it fast, before i forget it all. today the doctor i work for, got my introduction flyer for my book. it was wonderful that she had no idea i could have ad. she is now trying to find me some help for barcelona. she has become real interested in my journey. i am so lucky. just got another speaking engagement and a tv appearance is coming( I hope )

i really am on a roll with the help of wonderful people. i am in hopes my association in hawaii can give me just a little bit of help to at least show support. I am meeting with a man sunday who has an interest in writing a grant.

things are happening so fast for me. trying to get out a few more proposals and i want to go to churches and meeting places around the islands to make even the smallest communities aware of the benefits of early diagnosis.

i want the islands to know about DASNI and my book also. got news that my book is still a ways off. all authors tell me to be patient but I’m not so i have to work on that. that’s all i can do for today. got to put the tacos from taco bell on the table…poor vern! but i worked two jobs and went to chat. more important than food in my mind. he is very capable and often does his own. here’s to travel and if any of you have rich relatives, i am taking donations any amount lol jeanne

March 1, 2002

it is already the 1st of march. how the time flies. my grandson has a birthday the 7th. must have mentioned my last son married a girl with 2 children so i now am up to thirteen grandchildren.

i have had such a busy week. i think that is why, i am having a hard time.

just found out that the speech i will be giving for the nursing student body and staff at Queens, was not the one i thought it was to be.

i got a call from the director of nursing at kaiser to set up a date for speaking. i am so confused as to how i got two for hospitals. oh well they are dropping from the sky. that is ok with me.

trying to get help from aol today and in the middle of using what they sent, i had to ask another question. by the time i had the email up, i lost my thought. oh well it is a jeanne thing.

i was off my wellbutrin for 3 days and was crying at a fly flying around the room.

we got a new stacker washer/dryer yesterday and today a new refrigerator, which made me cry. guess that is one medication i must remember.

my problem is sometime work is to early for food and i get deathly ill if i do not eat. so in my pocket the pills go only to be found in the wash or much later. keeping a system seems to be so difficult for me.

i finally got two more proposals out of hawaii alzheimer’s…ha ha ha and i am now looking for an address to send to the reagan foundation.

i really want to go to the next conference. well if i go to bed, i may wake up with all the brains i went to bed with last week. somewhere i lost some. aloha for tonight.

February 8, 2002

today i came to clean Martin Denny's house and am staying to help him recover from congestive heart failure.

i love staying with him (even though my room still is 1/2 full of boxes. oh well, patience is a good practice.

that's it. i forgot my exelon for two days and was wondering why the confusion. i have asked a lady from Kaiser hospital to look up the person i need to talk to be able to do a lecture for them. i talked to a small group of nurses before but why not,they were thrilled with the information.

on the 21 of this month i go to university of Hawaii for a lecture. guess i can spread the word without the ad group...aloha from Hawaii.

January 31, 2002

i am so beside myself. literally i do not know which me to ask to do the next thing on my list. too many to things to mention so, i will only give you the happy one.

we found a nice clean quiet cottage in which to reside. i am so happy. every thing has been so mixed up that all my thoughts can be blocked into one long entry and that is how i have felt for the whole month of January.

if it were not for the dasn chat, i would probably have gone down 1 more level. thank god for my spiritual side that knows it will work out.

now that my bio and letter of proposal are ready to mail(after i get all the addresses) i can get them off. that was such hard chore, even with the help of a a generic proposal. my life sees thousands of words to change.

before i start babbling, let me say goodnight. now i have to pay all my deposits again and turn in all of my change of addresses. i must pack, unpack, downsize, and get the stuff to storage for the kids or to use in the new place.

i will not reread this so put on your thinking caps and try to decifer (ardie and mari) i love you all for caring and i will be ok in a week. im ok

January 1, 2002

i was at traci's and todd came to visit. traci's family was so good to me and for me. the kids and traci and i stayed up to ring in or rather blow in the new year. it was great to be with family for a change.

altho i cannot say that our new years is anything but boring. we have streets covered with red from the fireworks. it is a religion thing here for most anyhow.

can't remember which days...but we went to the mall, ate lunch out, dined out and opened presents. traci helped me get stuff to the other mainland kids.

right before my trip, i had a very bad bout with pneumonia. still coughing after 3 or more months.

the shaws and ratermanns called and sent wonderful pictures for us to download on xmas eve. the computer really is a wonderful thing. wish keola had one. he is the hardest to keep up with and the closest to me. he is with a jehovah witness girl so they did not do christmas. i still have his gift to get to him. at least, i did not spend 2004 ON HER KIDS ONLY TO HEAR HIM SAY GOODBYE LAST YEAR.oops.

i got to travel first class to and from la. that is such a treat. especially now in my state, when a room is to full with three in it sometimes.

think we went out to see xmas lites with traci. i still enjoy that so much and there were some beautiful ones.

vern took me to see the lights here before i left. i really missed him while i was away. we have a life like no other but really love one another. he gave me a card last year that said we did it our way. that brought tears to my eyes. i keep it up all year.

as for the dementia at xmas, i was pretty disoriented at first, but the kids were so helpful that i soon felt at home. i even played a few games with ally and rian. they did have to help me thru a few things.

i am back to work really full time now. i have one of my friends jobs, along with 7 that i work into the week or longer. one couple are monthly but turn out to be weekly most of the time.

i know i have too many jobs but i need to put some money away for barcelona. i really mean to get there by hook or crook. i want to be so much more involved with DASN than my assoc will allow. they are so archaic with their belief about early stages. they tend to push it out the door. i know i could be of such good help if they would only allow mw to do such.

the best new year's news is that the contract for my book is on its way to me. i need all the help i can get with the contract. i am having an attorney to look at it for me, but am not even sure what i must have in it. christine of our group got stuck with one she was not happy with. larry of another book has been giving me a few tips.

i feel i am in a good spot to start a new year. you will hear from me on my soapbox even if i have to go other places to be heard.

thanks to my family for christmas and a new year beginning well. i wish my family and friends especially DASN family, the best the new year has to offer. may we all be heard and may our plight be observed.

today is the 19th of january. i do not know where the time goes. when in arizona a great friend of mine took traci and four kis and myself out to lunch. it was so good to see ardie. we went to different high schools together if you know what i mean. she seems so content and enjoying life. she may come to hawaii soon. hope i can see she and john. by the by she is one of the ones that follows my journal to see what i am up to or down with. it is great to have a friend care that much so i'd better get to my journal.

i miss my web mistress so much but she is busy with her new grandson and i would not take a minute of that pleasure from her. she is such a great person and i'm sure the time doing something new, is just what she needed. my 61 birthday passed with many phone calls gifts and parties.

our DASN group is very actively sending out proposals for funding to go to the international alzheimers convention in barcelona. i have been putting money away for awhile now.

i missed the new zealand one, and it was very eventful in the understanding of us as people with dementia, able to speak and teach ourselves. it makes me feel as though i still have worth.

i have been able to give small lectures and question and answer sessions here and there, but most of the ones who get the most done, have either phizer help and/or their association helping.

my group here needs the help getting caught up with what is happening with early stage dementia. i plan to do that, but they are really into caregiving and fundrasing. two very necessary parts of alz. but certainly not all of it.

they need to know that persons with dementia (PWiDs) can be the ones who can put the need for caregivers so far back. we can teach caregivers what we need. the list is so long and i guess i am not on my soapbox in my journal. but believe me my box is made of steel and i have been on it so long it is an appendage and i won't be knocked off. our group is more recognized by the international alz than hawaii. does this tell you something?

i have taken on two more housekeeping jobs and i know it is too much. if i could get my room in order i'd hire a housekeeper myself.

i do not know what it is, but i keep 6-8 houses in great order and one of them is not mine. i just look and become overwelmed. today my list is:
1. call for price for airfare to barcelona
2. check about shots
3. make more time to deal with two storages
4. chat with dasn two times
5. catch up on journal entries.
6. find a new place to live
7. refile my filing cabinet
8. make additions to the proposal to send to my ad and to international to plea for help to get to barcelona.
9. make a box for big bros/big sis of clothes
10.start a 4th box for joley of artasy fartsy stuff( thats tracis ) inc material,paints baskets and stuff collected for 10 years or so. my artsy has turned to fartsy
11.pack a couple of boxes for the move feb 15??

the rest will come to me as i work or cry whichever comes first.

yesterday after my job, i went to storages, TWO and got rid of 5 boxes to someone going to swap meet. most of the stuff i saved for when i go about 5 years ago. guess i won't make it and the money i would have made will no way pay for the storage. wonder if that is a dementia thing or just dumb? THIS CALLS FOR CAPS I AM DOWNSIZING. if i send my 16 boxes of pictures to the kids...it will be a good start. aloooooooooooooooha




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TABLE of CONTENTS

Home Page Jeanne's Book Page Jeanne's Journal 2001 Page Christmas 2001 Celebration Jeanne's Journal 2002 Jan - June Jeanne's Journal 2002 July - Dec Messages to Jeanne's Children Jeanne's Photo Album Page (1) Jeanne's Photo Album Page (2) Jeanne's Awards Page