~ Why do you gotta keep the fan on high when it's cold outside-
Just wanna let you know I'm still a fan, get it-
Everybody wants charm in a smile and a promise-
Well, I promise not to try ~
*JC*
I'm trying really hard not to hate Justin, but it's not easy. For one night, I was happier than I have ever been in my entire life, and then it was all screwed up because Justin suddenly has feelings for Lance.
He just said that do screw up my life, I know he did. Outside he seems innocent, but on the inside, he's rotten.
Okay, so that's pretty lame, even for me. I know Justin, and he's a good person, I just don't understand how he could possibly love Lance. No, I can. He's gotta love Lance for the same reasons that I do. And there are so many reasons...
I know this is so hard on Lance, that he can't even carry on a conversation either me or Justin without the both of us freaking out. I want to tell Lance to just be with Justin to stop this whole entire mess, but I know that Lance loves me, he said so, and I love him with everything I have, so I don't. I don't give up.
Neither does Justin.
Chris and Joey are being really great about this, they've kept themselves busy to stay out of our way, and I appreciate that. They're going to let us figure out what we want on our own.
Well, I know what I want. Lance.
Damn, I hate Justin. I know Lance is only delaying his decision because he wants us to hold on to our friendship, and while it's so sweet, Justin and I are only drifting further apart. At least Lance didn't quit the group. Joey was right about what he said.
So, now we're heading off to another city with our tour, and we're going to go out on stage and pretend we have the golden ideal lives, and sometimes I wish that I didn't have to be two different people. Me, and then "Famous Me", which is where I act all sugar coated and perfectly sweet, when I all really want to do is tell that interviewer or cameraman to shove it.
I want a lot of things. Lance, mainly. Oh Justin, why do you have to love Lance? I bet I've loved him longer and more than he has, I just know it! Lance and I are made for each other, we were meant to be. If Justin screws that up, I'll kill him, I really will.
This is so hard! I don't want to lose Justin as my friend, but the thought of losing Lance is unbearable. I remember when Justin and I were in the MMC and we made a pact one day after a really hard show. We promised each other that we would always be friends, no matter what. We even cut our fingers and marked a piece of paper with our blood to seal it. I wonder if Justin has destroyed that yet?
~ I promise not to try not to fuck with your mind-
I promise not to mind if you go your way and I go mine-
I promise not to lie if I'm looking you straight in the eye-
I promise not to try, not to, not to, not to leave-
(promise not to try)-
Not to leave-
(promise not to try)-
Not to, not to leave-
(Promise not to try) ~
I guess the only thing I can do is be there for Lance, and let him know that I'll accept whatever decision he makes, and that he wont lose me as a friend.
And as for Justin, I don't know. I really don't. I guess we'll just have to see what happens.
But I'm holding strong on what I said.
~ I won't leave ~
I'll wait for Lance forever.
~ I won't leave ~
*
