~ I am elated-
I am all smiles and dated-
In my man bites dog small town-
With a Spanish name-
I am all bone-
I am two toned-
Red as a newborn, white as a corpse ~
*Justin*
I think I like making things complicated. I really think I do. I knew from the minute I heard JC and Lance tell us all that they were a couple, that I shouldn't say anything. I should just stay quiet.
But I couldn't stand the happy look on Lance's face, telling me it was someone else, not me, making him happy. So in reality, it was his fault.
Yeah, tell yourself that one a couple more times Justin.
Man, this is so unfair. Why couldn't JC fall in love with Joey or Chris or someone who's not even in the group? Then everything would be cool, and Lance could be in love with me instead. Lance isn't in love with me, though.
That's what makes this so much more harder. Knowing that JC and Lance love each other, and I'm the reason they're both so unhappy. Although it makes me feel really good to know that Lance'll be miserable for me. At least that means he cares a lot, right?
God, I'm pretty selfish. I love Lance, I shouldn't make him go through all of this shit just because I want him. It has to be so hard for him to be around me and JC at the same time. Not that we really notice him, we're too busy glaring at each other.
I know our so called "peace treaty" wont last. I can't talk to Lance without JC either joining in the conversation or giving me the death glare. And I know I'm the same.
That's gotta be driving Lance nuts as well. I feel really bad for Chris and Joey, who have been keeping themselves busy to avoid our little problem.
Okay, BIG problem. Maybe I should just tell Lance I want him to be with JC. Sure, it would kill me, but hey, if Lance is happy, that's really all that matters. That's what love is, right? Sacrificing everything you want for the person you love.
And if Lance *chose* JC, yeah it would hurt like hell, but I wouldn't stop being his friend, because that would just hurt worse.
Shit, I'm too young to have to deal with this kind of crap. I'm still considered a teenager, even though I'm almost twenty. Maybe I'll just hook up with Britney, she's nice and all.
But she's not Lance.
Dammit, this whole thing sucks.
And then there's the whole issue of my friendship with JC. He's been one of my best friends since we were in the Mickey Mouse Club together. We made a pact, I remember, that we would always be friends, no matter what.
Yeah, well, we were both kids and we hadn't met Lance yet. Things changed. I don't want to lose JC as my friend, but I want Lance as my boyfriend more. Wow, I like the sound of Lance and boyfriend and my in the same sentence.
What am I doing? I'll tell me what I'm doing, I'm fantasizing about Lance being my boyfriend and kissing him and making love to him and...oh God, I have to stop now, this is too much. I can't handle this, why am I doing this to myself? That stuff is never gonna happen because Lance loves someone else!
I know that and I still can't do the right thing. What kind of person does that make me? Not a very good one.
This whole thing is so frustrating! Why is this happening? If this is a lesson from God that I'm supposed to pass, well then God, I just have to say one thing.
Prepare to watch me fail.
~ I promise not to try not to fuck with your mind-
I promise not to mind if you go your way and I go mine-
I promise not to lie if I'm looking you straight in the eye-
I promise not to try not to let you down-
Let me down-
Slow ~
