~ A thousand other boys could never reach you-
How could I have been the one?-
I saw the world spin beneath you-
And scatter like ice from the spoon-
That was your womb ~
*Justin*
I don't believe it. My mind won't let me believe it.
Of all the things that could've happened in my screwed up love triangle with Lance and JC, I never imagined this.
I never imagined JC would cheat on Lance.
I'm not stupid, I know what they talked about by the pool. Mostly because I was at the ice machine right by it, and I could hear what they were saying. I heard Lance tell JC that it was him he wanted. I knew that would be his choice from the very beginning, but it still hurt like hell.
That's why I don't believe that JC cheated on Lance, because Lance told him he loved him and that he wanted to be with him. If I was JC, screwing the whole thing up would be the last thing I would've done. I would've taken Lance right there and then, been too happy to do anything else.
But JC's an idiot, and now Lance has to suffer for that. God, his face... I can't get the picture of what his face looked like out of my head. I still remember what happened last night, when we all found out. Of course, it was JC and I that came to blows, literally. I don't regret punching him, he deserved it.
If I was him, I would've expected someone to punch me. I wish Lance would've hit him instead. No, Lance was too busy yelling at both me and JC, and while I know it was his shock and pain talking, what he said really stung.
I know that it's not my total business if JC cheats on Lance, but it is because as a group, if there's tension, we all deserve to know why. Plus the fact that this whole mess changes everything.
Everything.
I actually have a shot with Lance now. And you know what? I'm not going to take it, because I don't want to be Lance's second choice, someone he goes to just because he can't have JC anymore. And I don't want to be with Lance just because he's trying to make JC jealous. I want to be with Lance only if he truly wants to be with me too.
So JC wins either way.
And that sucks.
Okay, now someone's at my door. It's probably JC, ready to punch me back or yell at me. Or both.
It's not JC. It's Lance, which totally surprises me.
"Can I come in?" he asked.
I nodded and let him in. "Thanks," he said with a sad, tired, smile. I looked at him, and he looked awful. His hair was all messed up, his clothes were wrinkled, and his eyes were red and puffy from crying.
We stood there in awkward silence, and I didn't know what to say to him. What could I say?
"Justin, I have to apologize to you for saying what I said earlier. It is your business, because as a group, you deserved to know what was happening, and I know you were only wondering because you care, and I shouldn't have lost my head. Not at you," Lance said, looking at me, and I could see that tears were forming in his eyes again.
"Don't worry about it," I said, and I pulled him into a hug. We seemed to be doing that a lot lately.
"What now?" Lance asked, pulling away from me and looking at me.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"What do me and you do now?"
Oh.
"Nothing," I said, looking away.
"We do nothing, Lance, because if we did do something, it would only be because you're either trying to get JC back, or because you can't be with JC anymore, and I don't want to do something knowing that you're not into it one-hundred percent, so we do nothing."
Lance looked down at his feet for a moment before looking back up at me.
"Justin, I don't love you," Lance told me. Why, I don't know, but it sure hurt to hear him just come out and say it.
"But I easily could," he finished, making look at him.
"I've already started to fall for you, and I could easily fall the rest of the way. If you gave me time. I wanted to be with both of you, and that's why I couldn't choose. JC did it for me," Lance said, his voice breaking as he said the last part.
"You say that now Lance, but you don't mean it. You're only saying this because you want to get JC back," I said, feeling tears pricking at my own eyes.
"How do you know what I want?!" Lance yelled at me. "You don't Justin! I'm trying to tell you that I'm falling in love with you and I want to give us a chance."
"No," I said, and my heart was saying 'What the hell are you doing?' but my brain was telling me I was doing the right thing.
"When the shock wears off, you'll regret it. You and JC can work this out, I won't get in the way of that. I heard you by the pool, it's him you want. Not me, and if you were coming to me on a normal day saying these things, then I'd accept your offer in a second, but this isn't a normal day, and you're only saying these things to get back at JC."
Lance looked at me for a moment before breaking down again. This time, I didn't go to him. I couldn't, because if I did, I would loose my already fragile resolve.
"You don't know that," Lance said, and I could tell he didn't believe himself anymore than I did.
"Yeah, I do," I said, not really caring that I was crying in front of Lance. Lance looked at me and nodded before he turned and left the room.
Damn, damn, damn, damn!
Okay, that's it.
I left my room and walked as fast as I could to JC's room, opening the door and not even bothering to knock. JC was sitting at the desk with is head in his hands, and I could see tears streaming down his face. I slammed the door shut behind me, and that got his attention.
"I hate you!" I yelled, anger already taking over my words. I saw that his left eye was already starting to bruise, and I was glad.
"Get out Justin," JC said, sounding defeated.
"No, not until I thank you for completely ruining everything for everyone!"
"What are you talking about Justin?"
"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. Because you got drunk and screwed some player, it's now even more impossible for me and Lance to be together, because it's you he's fucking in love with and I won't be with him just so he can get to you! I thought you'd be smart enough not to mess up, but now it's completely ruined for everyone!"
"Lance asked you to be with him?" JC asked, tears coming to his eyes.
"Yeah, and I said no, and that's your fault!" I yelled, watching as JC just sat there, looking so sad...
"Say something, dammit! Fight back with me, do anything, but don't sit there and say nothing!" I snarled.
JC sat there for a moment, looking away, but then he turned to me.
"Congratulations, you've won."
I've won? How the hell have I won? I haven't won.
"No, JC. No one has won, don't you get that? This was never about losing or winning in the first place, it was always about Lance. And you had him. You had him, and you made the choice to let him slip away. And because of that, you've ruined any chance any of us had with him, and that's not fair. So if it's win or loose, we both lost," I said, suddenly feeling very tired. I didn't want to fight with JC anymore.
I turned to leave, and saw Lance standing in the door, which was now open again, looking at us both. How long had he been standing there? It didn't matter to me anymore, and I just gave him a smile to let him know he was still my friend.
As I walked out of the room, I saw that he was still wearing his necklace.
~ Comin' down the world turned over-
And angels fall without you there-
And I go on as you get colder-
Or are you someone's prayer? ~
*
