The thing about Sunday at my house is this; you -have- to go to church, no matter what. If you were dying, my parents would drag you to Sunday mass, believing that the power of church would heal you. There was no way to get out of it, going to church with my parents.
That's how I found myself sitting in a hardwood pew, listening to an old, fat guy give some sermon about life and love. Aren't all sermons the same? I looked over at JC, who was fiddling with his fingers and looking around the room. I should've known he'd feel uneasy in a church.
I mean, society makes it out like if you're a homosexual, God is going to send you to hell when you die. And my parents, the strongest Southern Baptist believers I know, have the same views. Of course Josh is going to feel awkward, because only his family and the guys in the group know about him. Only he knows about me.
The pastor continued to preach his sermon, but I wasn't hearing a word he said. I was thinking about how my parents would react when I told them. My mom would probably bring out the bible and start reading from it. Dad would just sit quietly, reflecting on what he did wrong as a parent. I wish they could understand that this was the way God made me, this is the way I'm supposed to be.
I hadn't realized that I had slouched so far down the pew that I was almost falling out until my mother tugged on my shirt and said, "James, sit up straight!" I sat up and saw JC from the corner of my eye, trying to stifle his laughter.
I looked back up at the pastor and hoped I looked like I was listening, because I wasn't.
I was thinking about being stranded on a desert island with JC.
Then I mentally told myself to repent for thinking bad thoughts in church.
*
Another thing you have to learn about Sunday is that my mother has to socialize with -everyone- she knows after church gets out. And when I'm visiting, I have to go with her, to "say hello" to everyone, as she puts it. JC and Dad got away, because Dad knows how Mom is, and they were able to leave before she could stop them.
"Mrs. Whitman, hello! How are you?" Mom asked in her cheery voice, that I thought was a little too cheesy. "You remember my son, Lance, right?" I smiled at her and shook her hand, even though I had no idea who she was. She was a tiny old lady with these thick glasses and almost blue hair, and her nose was really pointy, giving her the look of one of those really nosy old ladies that everyone hates.
Mom continued to talk with her, and I heard giggling behind me. I look over to see a group of girls that looked about 12-13 years old. The saw me look over, and two of them screamed while the others turned their heads, and I could hear muffled, "He looked over here!" "Oh my God, he saw us!" "I think he winked at me!"
I laughed to myself and walked over to them, nodding and waving as I passed. More screams and giggles as I left the church, Mom not noticing at all.
The walk from the church to my parent's house wasn't that far, and I enjoyed looking at the neighborhood, remembering my childhood and what it was like growing up here.
I kicked at the rocks on the sidewalk, almost out of habit, as thoughts of the past weekend took over my mind. It was all so confusing, I mean, JC and I were dating, I guess that's what it was. And then I knew I needed to tell my parents about us, about me, but how could I do that when I didn't fully understand everything myself?
I didn't even see the old truck pull up next to me until I heard JC's voice, cutting through my thoughts like butter. "Hey stranger, need a lift?"
I grinned. "What are you doing with my dad's old truck?"
JC reached over and opened the passenger door, and I got in, still waiting for an answer. "He said that I should come and try and save you from the jaws of socializing hell."
"Well that was nice of him."
"So, where’s the best make out place here?" JC asked, and he sounded so casual, like it was a normal thing to ask. That sent me into a fit of giggles, and I couldn’t answer him right away. JC looked at me with a smile, and the glint in his eye just made me laugh even harder. "I’m glad you’re amused."
I looked up to see what street we were on, and told him to take a right at the next stop sign. "Should I be jealous that you know exactly where to go? How many times have you been to this make out place?"
"I didn’t say we were going to the make out place," I told him with a grin, adding that he needed to take a left.
"Then where are we going?"
"You’ll see."
We drove in companionable silence, and I watched as the houses became fewer and further apart, and we passed grassy plains more and more. I looked over a JC and watched him as he concentrated on the road ahead of him, his brow furrowed just a little bit, his lips pressed together, and his deep blue eyes looking at nothing but the road. I could’ve written the mushiest of love songs right then and there.
JC must have sensed that I was staring at him, because he looked over at me. "What? Is there something on my face?" I shook my head. "You’re just... gorgeous." Then I realized what I had just said and I looked down, feeling my face flush. I felt soft fingers under my chin and JC pulled up until I was looking at him. He had stopped the truck, and we just looked at each other for the longest time before he said, "I think you’ve got it backwards, Lance."
Before I could respond, he pulled me closer into a kiss. Every time JC kissed me, I can’t really explain it, just that, my whole word seemed to be on fire, and all that existed was us. It was feeling that I had never felt before, ever, towards anyone.
It was love, it really was.
*
"Well, it wasn’t the town make out spot, but it was good enough for me," I said with a grin as JC drove us back to my parent’s house. The sun was starting to set, and we’d been gone for a good four hours, spending the whole afternoon kissing, talking about every day things, kissing some more, stuff like that.
Kissing, however, was all we did. I wasn’t ready to go further than that, and I was pretty sure he wasn’t either. Besides, I wanted my first time with JC to be romantic, not in the back of some truck on a Sunday afternoon out in the middle of nowhere.
I thought JC was going to answer me with a comment about make out places, but what he said next kind of surprised me. "What is this thing between us, Lance?"
Well, how could I answer that when I’d been wondering the very same thing all weekend? "I mean, I know I love you, I’ve never been more sure of anything else in my life, but I mean... I just... where do we go from here?"
"Do you mean what do we call it?" I asked with a small smile.
"I just want to make sure that you know that getting involved with me makes it, official, I guess. I’m going to say we’re dating, I’m going to refer to you as my boyfriend, I’m going to want to be with you and -only- you, and... is that what you want?"
Was it what I wanted? Did he even have to ask?
"Of course that’s what I want... there’s nothing else I’ll ever want more." And after that he had to pull over and stop just so we could kiss, which I didn’t mind.
"How can you be with me and only me, when we spend most of our time with Chris, Justin, and Joey?" I asked, trying to hide my smile.
"You know what I meant. No picking up people in clubs, no dating other people, you’re stuck with me and just me."
I took his hand in mine, and I was surprised at how right it felt. Grinning at him, I said, "You say that like it’s a bad thing."
*
Of course, my mother made the largest fuss when we came home, because we had been gone for such a long time, and we hadn’t told anyone where we were going.
Dinner had gotten cold long before we got home, and since the standard Sunday dinner didn’t taste very good cold, JC and I had sandwiches. We ate them while my mother barraged us with questions about where we had been and what we had been doing.
We came up the excuse that we were driving around, showing JC the sights, and we lost track of time. She bought that, and I was just glad that my mother was gullible.
After we finished dinner, we decided we were going to turn in because we had to get up for an early flight in the morning. That, I was not looking forward to.
I said goodnight to my parents and JC and I went up to my room. He came in behind me, and I heard the twist of the lock as soon as JC shut the door, and I grinned, turning to face him.
"To be safe?" I asked, amusement in my voice. JC just laughed and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around my waist and looking down at me, kissing me gently. God, I couldn’t believe how lucky I was.
"Can I hold you tonight?" he whispered softly into my ear. He wasn’t asking for sex, he wasn’t asking if we could feel each other up, he was simply asking if we could hold each other, and of course my answer was yes.
"You know," I told him, "if we start sleeping the same bed, holding and cuddling all night, I’m never going to be able to sleep without you by my side ever again."
He grinned and said, "You say that like it’s a bad thing."
*
