New Years came and went quickly, and I was still mad because I didn’t get to kiss JC on New Years Eve. I wasn’t showing it to the guys, however, I just pouted to myself about it. More than two weeks had gone by and I still hadn’t done anything about my feelings towards JC, although I found myself falling in love with him more and more every day. Everything about him, everything he did... I knew I had to do something about my feelings soon.
The guys were all planning vacations. Chris was going to stay in Florida, just go hang out at some different places. Joey was going home to see his family, and Justin was going to Tennessee to see his dad. I told JC that he should come back to Mississippi with me. I wasn’t "fighting" with my mom anymore. He said he’d love to come. I couldn’t have been more thrilled, and I think it showed. Oh well.
JC and I caught an early morning flight out of Orlando, and it was scheduled to get to Jackson at about 8:00 am, then we’d make the long drive to my parents house. We decided that we would rent a car because then we could go places without my parents. Be alone... well, that was my reason, anyway. I looked out the window as the plane took off, watching as the city got smaller and smaller. I turned to say something to JC, but saw that he had fallen asleep. I smiled and watched him as he slept. I watched the gentle rise of his chest, the way the lines of stress on his forehead were smoothed in his sleep, the small smile that played on his lips...
I didn’t even know the plane had landed until I felt the bounce of the tires hitting the runway.
*
"Everyone sounds so... southern here!" JC exclaimed as we were driving to my parents house. He was looking out the window every five seconds, getting excited about something, just like a little kid. It was the most adorable thing I had ever seen. "And I feel like I’m in one of those old farm movies, and that I could run into Auntie Em any second." I had to laugh at that. I didn’t know why he was so excited, he’d been here before.
"Yeah, well, maybe now you can get a better idea of why my accent is so bad whenever I come back from visiting. And who says I’m the one with the accent? To the people here, -you’re- going to have the accent!"
"Yes, well, the people that live and act in Hollywood talk like me, so therefore, you have the accent," JC said like a little boy, and I really expected him to say "So there!" and stick out his tongue. He laughed and said, "Lance, I was kidding!" I guess I must’ve looked into deep thought about it or something.
"So, what are the good radio stations here?" JC asked, fiddling with the radio dials. "Like I remember. Back when I listened to the radio here, they played New Kids On The Block!" JC grinned at me and just started flipping through the stations. "There," he said with a smile, as I heard the chorus to ‘Space Cowboy’, our latest single out at that time. "This is good."
After a couple of seconds, JC started banging on the dashboard, singing, "If you wanna fly, come and take a ride, take a space ride with the cowboy, baby. If you wanna fly come and take a ride, take a space ride with the cowboy, baby." I joined in with him at, "Why-yi-yi-yippie-yi-yay-yippie-yi-yo-yippie-yi-yay. Why-yi-yi-yippie-yi-yay-yippie-yi-yo-yippie-yi-yo."
JC looked over at me and said, "You know Lance, I really think you need to have a solo or two. You, Joey, and even Chris need to get more singing time."
I smiled at him and said, "JC, you and Justin are the leads. Trust me, it’s better that way." JC rolled his eyes. "Whatever Lance. You guys are getting solos, -that- I promise you." I groaned at his bad pun, and almost responded when the voice of the DJ on the radio made me stop.
"That was *NSync with their newest number one single, ‘Space Cowboy’. In other news about *NSync, lead singer JC Chasez was diagnosed with a disease of his liver, and *NSync has to regrettably take a break until he can get a liver transplant. Apparently, it’s -that- serious. It’s rumored that fellow band mate Lance Bass was the one who realized that Chasez had the disease, after watching his cousin suffer from the same disease. Hopefully the group will be back on track soon enough, and-"
I changed the station. "We don’t regret having to break for a while, JC. Don’t let him get to you, he’s just a DJ," I said, seeing his upset look. He nodded and we didn’t talk about it anymore after that. We got to my parents house about twenty minutes later, and my mom came running out to give us both hugs. My dad came out and gave me a brief hug before he helped me and JC with our bags.
"Where do you want your bags, Josh?" my dad asked. I turned to him and said, "You wanna stay in my room?" I asked, and he nodded to my dad, who took the bags up to my room. I hoped my grin wasn’t too big.
"So, JC, how are you doing? My brother’s daughter had PSC when Lance was younger, so I know a little bit about what you’re going through."
"Yeah, Lance said that’s how he caught that I had it," JC said, giving me a proud smile. "I’m surprised you remember her, Lance, you must’ve been about five or six when she died."
And just when you think fate’s going to be even better to you, by actually giving you a cousin that had what you said she had, she smacks you in the face.
"She... she died?" JC asked, and I noticed how pale he had become. I cursed inwardly, as I saw on Mom’s face that she had realized that JC didn’t know that my cousin had died. Mom gave me an apologetic look before she got up and left the room. JC sat down on my couch slowly, and I quickly sat next to him.
"I’m sorry for lying to you, I just... I didn’t want to scare you. I’m sorry," I said, hoping he wasn’t mad at me. He looked over at me and gave me a small smile. "It’s okay, I appreciate it. It’s just that... I don‘t know, I’ve never thought about dying before. Now that I have something that other people have died from... it’s just weird, that’s all."
I put my hand on his knee and said, "You’re not going to die, JC."
I wouldn’t let him.
"Do you ever think about how much time you have left? Do you ever think that today could be your last day on Earth, and that you have to just go for it, because there might not be a tomorrow?"
I could feel my throat get tight, and I said, "I don’t like to think like that."
"But do you?"
I bit my bottom lip because I could feel it trembling. I didn’t want to start crying again, but I knew that if this conversation kept going, I wouldn’t be able to help it. So I just nodded.
"Lance, did I-?"
"Let’s go get unpacked, okay?" I said, getting up and leaving the room.
Once I left my living room, I let the tears fall silently and freely. I didn’t think I could handle it, the knowledge that one day there wasn’t going to be a tomorrow for JC. I didn’t want to deal with it anymore, it was already too hard. I heard JC coming and hurriedly wiped my eyes, hoping that he wouldn’t say anything if he noticed that what we had been talking about had made me cry.
"Lance, I’m sorry if I upset you back there, it’s just... I’m scared," JC said, and he looked so lost and afraid. I pulled him into my arms and we held each other for the longest time, and I remember thinking that it was just me and him, and that was all either of us needed.
Holding JC in my arms, I never wanted to let go. Then the thoughts came back, the thoughts that would always be at the back of my mind, the thoughts that when December arrived, I would have to.
I would have to let him go.
*
