I couldn't speak, I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything. I could only stare at JC in shock. Was this even real?
He looked over at me. "Lance, you're shaking. What's wrong?" he asked, and I closed my eyes, letting the sound of his voice wash over me. I opened my eyes and looked at JC, and smiled. "I'm fine," I said, before pulling him into a hug, holding him as tight as I could.
"You're still shaking. Lance, you're scaring me," JC said. I just held on tighter, trying not to let the tears fall. What would I tell him if I started to cry?
"Lance? What's wrong?" JC asked, and I could hear the fear in his voice. And it sounded like he was about to cry. That set me off. I started to sob, clutching him so tightly, like if I let go he would disappear. I just wanted to be in his arms forever, and I know that I probably could have done so, but then it was like everything hit me at once. I had to get him to a hospital, I had to get him to the doctors before it was too late, before they couldn't save him.
If I was only going to have one year with him, I wouldn't let him live that year in pain. I pulled away from him and grabbed his arm, pulling him off the couch with me. "Come on," I said, and started moving. He didn't protest, but I knew he was confused.
I walked past Justin, Joey, and Chris playing cards on the kitchen table, and I knew they had to notice my red eyes. "Lance? JC?" Chris asked as I went towards my car. I remember that I had it here last time I lived this day.
"What are you doing Lance?" JC asked finally, as I stepped outside and dragged him with me to my car. "Don't ask, just go along with me," I said, not stopping. I dragged him to the passenger side and opened the door, practically tossing him in. I shut the door and hurried over to my side, getting in and starting up my car. Justin, Joey, and Chris were looking at us from the doorway, confusion and concern written on their faces. I'd deal with them later.
JC buckled his seat belt, and I pulled out of Justin's drive way, my tires screeching along the road as I sped towards the hospital.
"Lance, -what- is going on?" JC asked. "Nothing, just trust me," I said, slowing down as I saw a police man up ahead.
"What was that whole thing in the living room about?"
I knew I had to tell him something, anything, so I could cover for that. "I... I had a fight with my mom on the phone. I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to bother anyone on Christmas or anything, but I just couldn't hold it in, you know?" I looked at JC and smiled, hoping he'd buy it. I knew he was more understanding about parents than the other guys. He had to be.
"I'm sorry Lance, but you know that you can always come to me, no matter what."
I smiled and kept driving. After a few minutes, JC asked, "Where are we going Lance?"
"You're sick, I can tell," I said, pulling onto another road, and JC saw the hospital just a few minutes away.
"What? You're taking me to the hospital? Lance, what the hell?"
"Look, trust me on this one," I said as we pulled into the parking lot. I got out and walked to the doors as fast as I could. JC had to run to catch up with me. I got to the lobby and said, "I need to see Dr. Danner right now, it's an emergency."
"Sir, Dr. Danner only sees patients by appointment only," the receptionist said, and JC came in, out of breath.
"My friend here has Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis, and a possible case of Cirrhosis, so it's really important that I see her -now-." The receptionist obviously knew that whatever I had said was serious, because she pushed a little button on her phone and said, "Dr. Danner, I'm sorry to bother you, but I have a man out here who says his friend has..." "PSC and possible Cirrhosis," I said, loud enough for Courtney to hear me.
Courtney Danner had been JC's doctor ever since they had discovered his illness. She had become a very good friend of mine, and I knew that she had genuinely wanted to save JC's life. JC and I had both liked her very much, and she had been there with me at the hospital the whole time after JC died. She even came to the funeral. It was her loss almost as much as it was for the rest of us. I didn't have to think about that, though, because here I was with JC, in this surreal setting, with a second chance. I wasn't going to let it slip away.
"Hello, I'm Courtney Danner, and one of you has PSC and possible Cirrhosis?" she asked. "It's him," I said, pointing to JC.
"Yes, and how are you able to confirm this?" she asked. Dammit, just look at him! "My cousin had the same disease, and my friend JC here is showing some of the symptoms. Can you please look at him?" I asked. Courtney smiled and said, "Right this way, please, JC."
I watched JC walk by me, looking confused as ever, and smiled. I knew somehow everything would be all right.
*
I sat in the waiting room for about an hour, flipping through the magazines, seeing how many pictures and articles of the group I could find. Seven pictures and three articles.
"Lance?" I heard JC's voice and looked up. He looked a little pale and shaken. "How did you know?"
"I told you, my cousin had it," I said, getting up and going over to him. I led JC over to a chair and sat him down. "What did Court... I mean Dr. Danner say?" "She said that you were right, I have PSC and if I don't stop drinking I could possibly develop Cirrhosis. I didn’t even know I drank that much. I guess all the clubs and parties add up, huh?" I smiled and nodded, urging him to continue. "She put me on the list for a liver transplant, she said it's not very long and I should be having surgery before the end of January. She said if you hadn't caught it, it might've been too late."
I smiled and gave him a squeeze on the shoulder. "Well, looks like you're going to have to get me a really good Christmas present next year."
I saw Courtney coming to talk to us, and right before she arrived, JC said, "All right, I will. I promise."
*
JC and I drove back to Justin's house in silence. We were both thinking about what Courtney had said. JC needed to take it easy until his transplant came along, and we both knew that it would be best if he took a break from the group. I knew he didn't want to do that.
"Hey, it wont be so bad. The guys will love the free time, don't worry about it. Just worry about getting better," I told him.
He looked over at me and smiled. "Thank you Lance." There was silence for a moment before he asked. "Are you sure you're okay?" It took me a minute to realize that it was the break down I had had in his arms earlier that he was talking about.
"Oh yeah, I'm fine. Thank you for worrying."
He smiled, and I remember thinking it looked like a shy smile. "Well, when it comes to you... I can't help it."
We didn't say anything to each other after that, but his comment left me thinking about things I hadn't thought about since I had come back.
Now that I had saved JC, what the hell was I going to do with the other reason that I was here?
How was I going to tell him I loved him?
And more importantly, how could he ever love me back?
*
