"Chris! Hurry up!"
"Calm down, Lance, it’s not going anywhere, it’s yours, they’re
not going to
give it to anyone else."
I sighed and looked out the car window. We were on our way to pick up
JC’s
Valentine’s Day present, and for no reason, I was paranoid that it
was going
to be gone if we didn't get to the frame store fast enough.
"So, what picture did you put in it?" he asked as we pulled off the
freeway.
I smiled in spite of myself. I had chosen my favorite picture out of
the ones
we had taken at that photo booth in Mississippi and blown it up.
Then I’d
taken it to get framed, and that’s where we were going at that
moment, to
pick it up.
"One that was taken in Mississippi," I replied.
"Speaking of Mississippi... have you heard from your parents?" Chris
asked,
and I shook my head. "I tried calling once, but no one answered. I
never got
up the nerve to do it again."
"What about your sister?"
I shrugged. "I don’t know. I don’t really want to call her just
to find out
that she hates me too. I guess if she really cared enough, she
would’ve
called me."
"You don’t know that. Maybe your parents haven’t told her. I know
you
haven’t. I know Stacy, Lance, and you really need to give her more
credit."
"This is it," I said, indicating a small store on the left. I
didn’t want to
talk about my family, or what they thought about me, and I hoped that
Chris
was done asking about it.
*
"He brought you back in one piece!" JC exclaimed jokingly, pulling me
into
his arms and hugging me tightly.
"Shut up, I’m not that bad of a driver," Chris said, but he was
smiling.
"What’s in the bag?" JC asked, and I put it behind my back,
grinning. He
tried to reach behind me to get it, but I kept switching hands.
"You’ll just have to wait and see," I said, giving him a quick peck
on the
lips.
He sighed dramatically and sat back down on the couch, where Justin
and Joey
were arguing over the remote. I laughed and turned to go upstairs,
heading
for my room. I put the bag under my pillow and went back downstairs.
*
I wasn’t sure exactly how it happened, but we ended up having
dinner with the
guys. JC said it was because none of them had dates. He was joking,
but it
was probably the truth. So it’s not like we had a big, romantic
dinner or
anything. I mean, Chris kept throwing salad at Joey.
After we were done with dinner, the rest of the guys left to go to a
movie,
and I was pretty sure JC had something to do with it, but I didn’t
say
anything. "So now it’s just you and me," he said, coming up behind
me and
wrapping his arms around my waist, kissing my neck.
"Come on," I said, laughing, as I took his hand in mine and lead him
up to my
room. "Close your eyes," I told him, and he obliged with a ‘why am
I doing
this?’ expression on his face.
With the picture in my hand, I stood in front of him. "Okay, open
your eyes."
He did and I watched his face as he took the picture from my hands
and looked
at it. "Do you like it?" I asked, suddenly feeling like he thought it
was
stupid.
I was surprised to see that his eyes were watery as he said, "I love
it."
I smiled at him, and he set the frame down on my desk, pulling me
into his
arms and kissing me. God, I could never get tired of kissing him.
Without saying a word, he pulled me towards his room.
"Come here," he said, a small smile on his face. Interlocking our
hands
together, he led me over to the bed. We sat down on it, and he put
his other
hand on top of mine, so both of his hands were covering mine.
"I love you so much," he whispered, looking down at our hands. "Being
with
you is like... it’s the best thing in my life, no one has ever made
me feel
the way you do." He paused and looked up at me, and I couldn’t read
the
expression on his face. "And so... for Valentine’s Day, I decided
that I...
I'd give you myself."
I looked up at him, my eyes wide. He was smiling at me, and I could
tell he
was a little afraid of how I'd react. And at that moment, I
didn't know HOW
to react. I mean, sure, I'd thought about doing...that with JC, but
I
never... I just wasn't sure when we’d act on that want. And there
he was,
right in front of me...
He moved forward, almost unsure, and placed his lips gently on mine.
I kissed
him back, hoping he understood that it was my reply. Our kiss
deepened and I
knew he had understood. I felt his hands moving to my shirt, pulling
it up,
and I hoped that I wasn’t shaking as much on the outside as I was
inside.
JC had been with other guys before, but I hadn’t. I’d never made
love to
anyone the way we were about to. I was excited, I was nervous, and I
was
really scared. I didn’t know what to expect, I wasn’t even
completely sure
what to do, and I didn’t want to disappoint him by not being as
good as any
of the other guys he had been with.
"Lance, it’s okay," JC whispered, kissing me gently on the
forehead, and I
saw that my hands were trembling, trying to undo the buttons on his
shirt. He
held my hands in his and held them steady as I continued down until I
had
undone the last button.
He slipped off his shirt and then my pants came off, his pants came
off... he
was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I felt him lowering me
gently
until my head hit the pillows, and my back rested against the sheets.
I
closed my eyes, trying to steady myself, and I could hear him looking
around
in the top drawer of his nightstand.
My eyes were still closed, and soon I felt his lips on my ear, softly
kissing
the flesh. "Are you ready?" he whispered, and I nodded. I was as
ready as I
would ever be. I felt him shift on top of me, and his lips were on
mine,
kissing gently but with an urgency as well.
I wasn’t prepared for the emotions that would hit me when JC
entered me,
slowly, kissing my temples and stroking my skin, his hands more
gentile then
they’d ever been before... he slowly moved forward, and there was
pain mixed
in with all these strong emotions, but I was feeling something
stronger,
feeling like for the first time in my life, I was really, truly
complete.
Our foreheads touched, and I was taking in deep breaths of air, my
hands
holding onto his back. I could feel him move back, slowly, but then
he
started to move forward, and some of the air I was breathing in fell
from my
lips.
Back, forward, back, forward, it was a pattern I never wanted to end,
and I
was getting lost in my emotions and feelings, I was drowning in them.
I
wanted to speak, I wanted to tell him how wonderful he was making me
feel,
how much I loved him, but I couldn’t. Words weren’t enough. It
seemed like
words would cheapen the way I was feeling somehow.
Our deep breaths fanned our faces, the thin cover of sweat mixing on
our
bodies, and his gentle hands seemed to be everywhere at once, every
touch
sending shivers down my spine. He was still moving, the continuing
pattern,
and I clutched his back tighter, closing my eyes. My body was on
fire, and I
was really starting to feel what he was doing to me.
"I love you more than anything," he whispered into my ear. I love you
more
than everything, Josh... I buried my head into the crook of his neck
and
kissed the flesh there, the fire still coursing through my body. The
only
sounds in the room were that of our breathing, labored and uneven.
I never thought the way I was feeling, what he was doing to me, would
end. I
didn’t want it to. I wanted to go on forever feeling this way, JC
and I
wrapped in each other’s arms. Back, forward, back, forward, he was
still
going, but he was slowing down, and my breathing became just a little
less
uneven. It continued that way until he just stopped all together, us
still
holding onto each other.
I felt my head hit the pillows again, and opening my eyes, I saw that
Josh
was looking at me with an expression that made my heart soar. I could
still
feel his soul connected to mine, even though we were no longer
connected
physically.
I moved my hands up to his forehead and wiped away some of the sweat
there,
then moving up until my fingers were in his unnaturally soft hair. We
smiled
at each other for a moment before I pulled him down to my lips.
I love you still didn’t seem enough. I wished that there was some
other
saying, something to say that expressed feelings that ran so much
deeper than
love, but there wasn’t, so I just held him and hoped that he got
the message.
I think he did, because I was getting the same one back.
So did I have a good Valentine’s Day? Yeah.
I got the best gift of all.
*
