"Tell me, Lance. Tell me what he did."
I was really hoping that this conversation wouldn't come up with him. He was
still weak, and I didn't want to work him up with the details of what had
gone down between me and his father.
"Josh, it was nothing, really. Why don't you just eat your jello?"
"Lance, I know my father said you weren't family, I know what I said to that,
and I know -something- happened that had to do with your parents, but I don't
know exactly what, because I was really out of it when I first woke up, so
I'm asking you now. What happened?"
I sighed. We were still at the hospital, JC was being released that
afternoon, and I really wanted to have this conversation somewhere not so
public. Not that I wanted to have it all.
"Can we talk about this when we get home, please?"
JC sighed and stuck his lower lip out in a pout, trying to guilt me, but I
just shook my head. "Not gonna work, now eat your jello."
*
"Man, I am -so- happy to be home!" JC exclaimed with a smile as we walked
into our house. I shut the door and turned around, but JC pushed me back
against it and his lips found mine as we started kissing. "I've missed doing
-this-," JC whispered, and I could hear the smile in his voice." "Me too," I
replied, running my hands through his soft, bed hair.
"We're home, start talking," he said, his lips moving to my neck. I pulled
him back up so we were face to face. "Do we have to talk at all?" I murmured
as I started to kiss again. He pulled away and the serious look on his face
told me that he really wanted to talk about his parents and what had happened.
"Okay... just promise you wont get really mad."
"I can't promise you that, Lance. If you're scared to tell me, it must be
bad."
"My parents came to the hospital the day you were in surgery, for support,
and your dad told them that I was gay and that we were dating. They left. End
of story."
He looked at me for a moment, and I could see the anger seething behind his
eyes. "What?" he asked, his voice low.
"Josh, look..."
"He did fucking -what-?!"
"Josh, please..."
"He told your parents? He -told- your -parents-?" Yes, he made them hate me,
has it gone through yet? I just wanted to drop the subject and talk about
something else...
"Yeah, he told them. Hey, it saved me the trouble of doing it." I forced a
laugh out, and it only went on before about two seconds before the laugh
turned into a choked sob. I couldn't break down, I couldn't... I had to be
the strong one, I had to...
"Shhh, it's okay. Please, Lance, please don't cry, I hate it when you
cry..."
"She told me she didn't want me to be her son anymore. How could she say that
to me?" I was soaking his shirt, I knew I looked like a huge baby, sitting
there bawling, but JC just rubbed my back and held onto me tighter.
"She didn't mean it baby. We'll fix this, I promise."
Somehow his words didn't reassure me.
*
After I was done crying, I told JC everything that happened those first days
at the hospital, I couldn't hold it in anymore, I couldn't keep remembering
the way my mother's face had looked by myself.
JC had sat silently, listening to me, and we both knew that if he said
anything, he'd break open the well of anger that was building inside of him.
I felt horrible for putting my burden on his back while he was still
recovering. I felt like a horrible, selfish person, and that just made me
feel worse.
We didn't talk at all after that, we just went to bed, holding each other.
What more was there to say?
I closed my eyes and tried to fall into some sort of stage of sleep...
"Things are changing."
I looked around. I was in blackness. A very familiar blackness...
"Things are changing." I was back in Fate's lair, house, world, I didn't
know what to call it.
"You thought they'd be the same, but don't you see? You've changed
history,
you and Joshua. The things you do change other things."
"So this is my fate? To lose my lover as soon as this year is over and have
my parents hate me for the rest of my life?"
"This is the fate you chose. You should've been more aware of the
consequences of your choice."
"You should've warned me!"
It was silent, and I thought I had made Fate angry, but then she spoke again.
"If I had told you, would it have made a difference?"
"No," I said quietly.
"Are you enjoying your second chance so far?"
"How do you expect me to answer that question?"
"Yes or no will do."
"I love my time with Josh, yes. The rest of it, I could go without."
"As I said before, you chose this life. I'm just warning you, other things in
your life are going to change and be different from what they once were. Be
prepared."
"What about you? Are you going to be showing up like this in my dreams again?"
"If the time arises. Now, it's time to wake up, James."
And like that, my eyes were open. I sat up and shook my head slightly,
looking over at JC, who was still sleeping. I looked at the clock and saw
that it was eight in the morning. I started to get up, but I felt an arm
sneak around my waist and pull me back.
"Josh, I want to get up now, let me go." I tried pulling his hands off my
waist, but he just held on tighter, laughing. The door bell rang, and I said,
"Now you -have- to let me up, because we're the only two home, remember? The
other guys are at Joey's house."
"Whoever it is, they can go away." I laughed and finally got free from JC's
grasp, hurrying down to the door before whoever it was.
"Wait, you're only in sweat pants, what if it's someone who's attracted
to
you?" JC called after me, and I could hear him coming down the stairs as I
opened the door, chuckling.
"Hi Karen," I said, smiling at JC's mother. She smiled back and I opened the
door, letting her in. I shut the door just as Karen greeted JC. I looked at
him, begging him with my eyes not to be cold to her.
"Hey," JC said, and it wasn't cold, but it wasn't warm either.
"Hello Joshu-"
"Were you there when Dad did what he did?"
Karen looked at me, and I really didn't know what to do. "Yes," she said,
looking at her hands.
"Did you try to stop him?"
She continued to look at her hands. "No."
"Then I have nothing more to say to you."
"Joshua, please just-"
"Let her talk, Josh," I said, and JC looked over at me. I pleaded to him with
my eyes and after biting his lower lip for a moment, he turned back to his
mother.
"We're going back home, and I just wanted to tell you good-bye, and I just...
can we talk, please?" I felt like I was invading a private moment. I mean, I
could hear the tears in Karen's voice, so I said, "I'm going outside for a
moment."
I went out into the front yard and sat down on the front step, wrapping my
arms around myself, because the cold morning air was hitting my bare skin.
"Think you could put a shirt on in my presence?" I looked over to see Roy
standing about six feet away from me. Great, just what I needed.
"Hello Mr. Chasez," I said, emphasizing the Mr. Chasez part.
"Heard from your parents lately?" he asked, his face pulled into what looked
like a smirk. I had to bite back the 'fuck you' that threatened to come out.
"Heard from JC lately?" That wiped the smirk right off his face, and I had to
try my hardest not to smirk at -him-.
The front door opened and I heard Karen saying, "You promise you'll call me?"
"Yes, Mom," JC answered, and they both stepped out, stopping to look from Roy
to me, and back to Roy.
"Joshua," Roy said in a greeting to JC. I watched him as he came over to me
and wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder. "Call
me back when you get home, Mom," JC said, and I don't know which made Roy
angrier, the fact that JC was ignoring him, or the fact that JC was holding
me.
"Let's go, Karen," Roy said, going to the car. "Good-bye," Karen called,
waving, as she got into the passenger seat. The engine roared, the tires
screeched, and the car drove down the street and out of sight.
"Come on," JC said, taking my hand in his. "Let's go inside."
*
