This was the part I hated. The waiting, the wondering, the not knowing... all I could do was keep praying that JC was okay, that he would -be- okay.
The guys had gone down to the cafeteria to eat something, but I wanted to stay, I had to be there until that doctor came through those doors. Karen and Roy were sitting in two chairs across from me, and it was an awkward silence that we were surrounded with. I wanted to break it, say something, but I didn't know how.
"So, Lance, tell us more about you and Joshua's relationship," Karen said, giving me warm smile, even though it was small. Finally, something to break the silence.
Roy cleared his throat. "Why don't you tell us how you corrupted my son instead." Then again, maybe not.
Karen gave me an apologetic look, and I just looked away. I was too worried, too scared to deal with Roy's bull shit. So instead, I watched the light on the elevator as it moved up each floor, and when it got to our floor, it stopped, and the ding of signaled that someone was getting off. I turned to look the other way, and when a voice called my name, I knew who it was who had just gotten out of the elevator.
My parents.
"Mom, Dad, hi," I said, getting up and giving them each hugs. "How is JC?" Mom asked, and I shrugged my shoulders. "He's in surgery now." It was then that Mom noticed Karen and Roy, and she approached them with a warm smile. "It's nice to see you both again," she said, being the ever polite woman she always had to be.
Karen greeted both my parents with hugs, and Roy gave my father a firm handshake. I sat back down, and Mom quickly took a seat next to me. "We can't stay long, but we remembered that today was the day of the surgery, and I know how close you and JC are..." Roy snorted as Mom trailed off, and she looked at him with a quizzical look on her face. Before she could ask questions, however, the guys came back into the living room, and I thanked God for small miracles.
"Hey," Chris said tiredly, waving to my parents, and the guys echoed him, each sounding tired and weary. "Any news yet?" Justin asked me, and I shook my head. "We'll wait here with you until they give you some news," Mom said softly, patting my knee.
Watching Roy, I noticed that he kept looking at my parents, as if trying to figure something out about them, waiting for them to give him a clue to piece together the big mystery in his head.
"So, Lance," Mom said, turning to me with a smile. "Do you have a girlfriend yet?"
Oh God...
"You mean you don't know?" Roy asked, as realization dawned on his face. Please, Roy, please no...
"Know what?" Dad asked. Roy chuckled to himself before saying, "Lance and JC, they're dating. Your son is gay."
I will never, -ever-, forget the look on my mother's face. I can't even describe it, but I will never forget it.
"What?" Dad whispered softly, his voice so low, so... shocked.
I could feel tears coming to my eyes. This wasn't happening, not here, not now. "Mom, Dad, please..."
"Tell me it's not true, James," Mom said, turning to me, her voice sharp. "Mom, please..." I started again. "Tell me it's not true, James," she repeated, her voice getting louder. I looked down at my hands. "I can't tell you that Mom." I heard the sharp intake of breath, and every second in the silence afterwards was like hot knives stabbing me all over my body.
My mother stood up and said, "Come on Jim, we're leaving." I shot out of my seat, going after her. "Mom, please, just listen to me-" "Were you together when he was out our house?" I was silent and she asked, "Were you?!" "Yes," I said softly. She made a sound of disgust.
"I can't even fathom the fact that you are my son right now. As far as I'm concerned, in this moment, I never want to see you again."
That hurt. That hurt more than anything I've ever felt before, besides Josh's death. I watched my mother, pressing the button to the elevator repeatedly, as fast as she could. I could feel the tears start to fall down my face and the doors opened. My parents walked into them, and my mother hit the close button, not even looking at me. My father, however, did, and there was the saddest, defeated, disappointed look on his face.
The doors closed and I felt like I could just fall down, just give up. I could feel everyone's eyes on me, and I could almost see Roy's smirk in my head. I didn't want to turn around to see if the picture was accurate.
"Are you here for Joshua Chasez?" I heard a voice ask, a doctor, but not Courtney. I had to turn around then, I had to hear what the doctor had to say.
"He went through surgery fine, the transplant was successful, he's sleeping now. The anesthesia should wear off shortly, and he'll be a little groggy, but he should be able to go home in a couple of days. You can go see him now."
Karen was up and through the doors heading to the patients in a flash, and I walked towards them, putting aside what had just happened for Josh's sake. The doctor's hand on my chest, however, stopped me from going any further.
"Are you family?" he asked. "No," Roy said before I could say anything. "He's not."
"I'm sorry, family only," the doctor told me, before leading Roy through the doors to JC's room.
And I just stood there, feeling like all the eyes in the world were staring down at me, watching as my world fell apart.
*
