Title: Scully Everlasting: part one Author: Lindsay, send feedback to USSLINDSAY@aol.com Summary: If Scully was immortal, what would she think after a century or two? Rating: pg-13, I guess, maybe pg Disclaimer: I wished I owned DS and FM But they belong to Chris and Friends They don't know who I am, or what I do They only know I'm crazy about the Files, it's true Now on with the show, my disclaimer has reached its end (A corny limerick, I know, but it seemed like the best way to go) Category: I am not sure, a little angst, a tiny bit of MSR, I think that is it Spoilers: I don't think there is any, but I mention quite a few episodes. December 12, 2272 Dear Fox, It has been years since you have died. I have missed you so much over these years. I don't know how I have lived for so long. Even today I cannot explain how I am still alive. No method of science to date has even come close to being able to make the fantasy that my body is, a reality. I know that something was done to me; maybe it had something to do with the chip that is still within my body. I've tried to have it removed time and again, but something tells me that it needs to stay apart of me for the rest of my life. Forever, that is what it is beginning to sound like, that chip will be in me forever, as I watch my loved ones die, as I see science becoming even more destructive, as I lose hope that I will ever find the rest and happiness that I found in you. We were so happy for a time, for too small an increment, but even after all of these years, you are the best part of my life. God, I remember so many times when you have comforted me. When my father died, you were there to comfort me. You helped me grieve him, and in you I found a new life inside of myself that I thought was gone forever with his death. When I was endangered because of Tooms, Phaster, by my own body, you were always there for me. When I needed someone to dry my tears you were there. I can still remember your touch, your warm body comforting me. Your embrace was more powerful than any force on earth, more tender, more loving than anyone or anything can realize. You continually renewed my strength. Do you remember the hallway scene? So many years ago, before you were taken, I found strength in your embrace, who knows what that first fated kiss could have brought us. It would have been yet another testament to our love. Our love was one of no conditions, it was endless, it was indescribable, and it wasâ?¦ it wasâ?¦ wonderful. I know that we shared even more kisses than that one that didn't happen outside your apartment. I remember when we were happy with our Felicity, even though that was still too short of a time. She loved you as a father, as I loved you as a wife, even if we never presented out commitment on the alter. Our commitment was so much deeper than that. It went beyond religion or faith, it intertwined our souls, and it was more powerful than any ring or vow. I am so poetic today. I haven't felt this lyrical in a long time. Today, Mulder, I am going to recopy my favorite entries, the ones that remind me the most of you. They would be painful, but my emotions have evaporated. The dull ache that is constantly in my heart can be forgotten if I concentrate hard enough. My lips can still curl into a smile when I think about incidences that happened to us. Remember Florida? In all of these years it has never rained sleeping bags. I never laughed much when I was with you, but even today I can giggle when I see our descendents or at least I can feel some happiness. Well, on with my task. Mulder, even if you never get to read these, I hope that wherever you are, you know how I feel about you even today. November 4, 2271 Dear Spooky, (I was feeling spunky today.) Me: How do I die? Clyde Bruckman: You don't Mulder, I can still remember his words. "You don't." I had dismissed him so easily then. God, I was such a skeptic. But then again Mulder, you didn't believe him when it came to immortality, when you eliminate vampires and zombies, etc. Funny even now, your name brings back some emotion. Today it is humor. It's been about 20 years since I laughed good and hard. Laughter, I can hear it sometimes, but it sounds hollow, distant, only a memory. Perhaps it is. Laughter, I can remember yours before your abduction, after it, your laughter was so much more sinister. It was the laughter of a madman. Come to think of it, you became a real life Ahab. You were chasing conspiracies and your sister, and eventually myself like that captain chased the whale. Yes, Mulder, your laughter scared me like that captain scared his crew. I remember my daughter's laughter. Felicity's laughter was so innocent, like Emily's. Felicity Margaret. F.M. The name was so symbolic on so many levels. Felicity means joy, and my heart was filled with joy and love when she was alive. Margaret reminded me of my mother, and how special being a mother is. The initials remind me of the only other person who ever did that. Oh, Emily did, but after all these years, her memory has become just that, a memory. No pain left for her. In fact, there is no pain really left even for my Felicity. God, being immortal is emotionally draining, it sucks away all feeling, so that you feel nothing. Nothing gets to. A rose is just organic matter that will die (lucky plant). The news is nothing more than a blur. Wars, pestilence, poverty, it means nothing to me. I know that this would have upset you, Mulder. You always said I was so full of passion, of compassion, and of so many other things. You said you had the strength of my beliefs. If only you could see me now. Mulder, I never wanted to end up like this. I only wanted to be with you forever. I got the forever part, but the being with you portion of that wish, well you know what happened. ******************************* Title: Scully Everlasting: part two Author: Lindsay, send feedback to USSLINDSAY@aol.com Summary: If Scully was immortal, what would she think after a century or two? Rating: pg-13, I guess, maybe pg Disclaimer: I wished I owned DS and FM But they belong to Chris and Friends They don't know who I am, or what I do They only know I'm crazy about the Files, it's true Now on with the show, my disclaimer has reached its end (A corny limerick, I know, but it seemed like the best way to go) Category: I am not sure, a little angst, a tiny bit of MSR, I think that is it Spoilers: I don't think there is any, but I mention quite a few episodes. May 19, 2272 Dear Mulder, Today I remember the day you died, Mulder. Even after all this time, I cannot get used to calling you Fox. Maybe, I should try it. I never believed that you made your parents call you Mulder. So maybe I will have to try it. Fox, it is such a lovely name. It described you perfectly: smart, cunning, crafty, but look at me, I am so off subject. Letting these sappy, pathetic emotions be revealed in this letter. Let us get back to the task at hand. It was three years after returning from your almost four year abduction. I had gone through dozens of partners. All of them are nameless and faceless; none of them could hold a candle to you. One of them might have been named Jack, or Rachel, or Karen. But they died years ago. They are of no consequence. Funny, I was shocked when they agreed with my scientific theories; they didn't have the ability to look towards the paranormal. I missed having your beliefs on a case, as much as I tried I couldn't let go of my skepticism. I wish I could have been more like you. Every partner lasted only a short time, when we started to accomplish nothing, I asked Skinner to get me a new partner. Skinner always obliged. But finally, the FBI closed the files and myself down. I was a waste of precious basement office space. Even when you returned, they wouldn't let you in the basement. We had lost everything according to you. Except for our daughter. Those years ago when CSM and I went for our trip, he offered me a deal. A baby implanted into me, in exchange for you. He had some of my eggs, and your sperm wasn't hard to collect at all. Maybe I shouldn't have done it. But I wanted a baby. You wanted to be abducted. You still couldn't let go of your sister. You couldn't let go of your quest for the truth. We got our wishes. Then, I did have a conscience pricking my soul, but that along with you have died too long ago. Oh Mulder, I missed you so much when you were gone. I knew that you would return, but I didn't know when, or what you would believe when you returned. I know that you would feel betrayed, I just handed you over. But you got to learn the truth, well as much as possible. I know you never completely forgave me, but we were able to find some happiness. I think our daughter made up for any anger you may have had left. I think that our baby brought you more happiness than you had ever had. If I made you whole, than our baby must have made you a complete person, even more so than I could have. I know it makes little sense, I still can't describe your relationship with her, and it was so amazing. But where is my head? I was thinking about his death. I have learned that I must keep my thoughts concentrated. I must focus. A wandering mind tends to go a bit crazy. Let's see, to remember your death I must think hard. A memory as painful as that had once been, now has gotten a bit dusty. I could remember it more often, but I would go crazy then. Focus, space, and time, all factors that help to keep my sanity. You had been abducted exactly seven years ago to the day. I was living in Buffalo, New York at the time. I had been hiding there from you. I had loved you, but being taken had changed you so much. You were violent, disturbed, wellâ?¦ changed. The three of us had lived together. We were so happy for that short time. She loved you so much too. We became engaged if I remember correctly, but it just couldn't work out. You had become Ahab, shouting to the heavens, to me, to anyone who would listen, going wherever your obsession led you. Finally, we left you. We went from place to place. We traveled to Denver, New York City, even back to DC for a time. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I had never stopped loving you (have never, I should say, I love you all the more, since we don't really communicate anymore), but you hurt Felicity and me. I knew every time that I ran away from you I was hurting you more, but I couldn't deal with you. I tried, Mulder, I really did try. Maybe that is why I gave up running away from you. I couldn't hurt you anymore. Every time that I hurt you, I hurt me too. When you found us again, I stayed. We tried to forget the past, but again, it couldn't work between us. You were as hollow then, as I am now. Even Felicity and I couldn't give you back emotion. One day you put a bullet through your head. You shouldn't have gone like that. After all we went through, that was how it ended. My world shattered like your skull (being graphic doesn't bother me, you know I became a doctor, I have a strong stomach. I almost derive pleasure from it). But my joy and I, we picked up the pieces of our lives. We lived with my mother for a time. She comforted me. I cried for you for so long. God, I was such a fool. I wonder if you know that I can never now shed another tear for you. I wasted them so long ago, and today I wish I had some left so that I could cry for you now. Mulder, I miss your compassion, your friendship, and your love so much. I wish that you were never taken, but I also hope that you were happy that you could give me the one thing I truly wanted, a child. I want to say that I have no regrets, but it is so hard, I miss you so much, if only you could still be with me. August 3, 2272 Dear Fox, Today I cannot bear to think of you, so I will think about the only other men who gave a damn about me. Byers lived the longest. 103, I think, God, to die so young. Of course by that time he was living in some South American or African country. I don't even remember how I knew that he had died. We had never been that close. He died a peaceful death, not like you, Mulder. Was it a stroke? Maybe, doesn't matter. Even his bones have disintegrated. Let's see, Frohike. I hate having to rack my brain after all this time. Oh right, a boating accident. Trying to sail some high tech government secret. Idiot. Capsized, drowned, as he died I was watching the Poseidon Adventure on TV. Talk about irony. Sure, at one point I felt sorry for him, back when I had a conscience. Now, I almost am jealous. And Langly, he just "disappeared" one day when on a "field trip" to a supposed alien crash site. After that Byers left for his foreign hospice. Or was it after dear old Melvin's death. I don't remember. Skinner, he was so supportive when you were gone. He remained my friend. You were always right to trust him. He was my only friend at the bureau after you left. Even under the tragedy of your abduction, we never became more than friends. My heart was with you always. Skinner, or Uncle Walnut, as Felicity called him, was a pillar for my family. His death I can't dismiss as easily as the Lone Gunmen. He deserved better than to be killed by a drunk driver. He was 63 when he died. He was so, so young, too young. After his death, it was when I realized that something was wrong. He was so old, so weak in that coffin, and when I saw my reflection in his glasses, I looked so young, so strong, even after all that I had been through. Even today, I don't look a day over 40. Silly, whenever I think about Skinner, I shift to thoughts of myself. Selfishness has replaced the misery that used to appear with his death. October 30, 2272 Dear Fox, Misery, in its purest form is deadly. It's what killed you, Mulder, what tried to kill me, after it had also claimed my Felicity. She was beautiful, my hair, your eyes, a mixture of our height, beautiful. Married happily, her best friend's brother, yes that was how they met. Paul was his name. They had six children. Dana, Chloe, Gregory, William, Elizabeth, and Samantha. And no, she never knew of Mulder's Samantha, still she felt something guiding her to mane her youngest Samantha Melissa. I loved them as my own, even when they looked older than me. They were all healthy, and lovely and loving. Even today, I know their descendents although they really have no idea who I am. I still love them as my own. Yes, I can still feel love, in a small way. I think love is my strongest emotion left. I have such a limited range of emotions. Which reminds me of misery. That was today's thought, Felicity's death. I seem to be in a bit of a rut. I am stuck on death. Perhaps it is jealousy. Imagine, I am jealous of a moth eaten, worm- devoured corpses. It brings a smile to my face. She got cancer, in the breasts. It spread, to her liver, lungs, and her brain. Misery, that is the only way to describe it. I can almost feel some wetness in my eyes, but my eyes went dry so long ago, too long ago. Maybe it was because of you, Fox, I used so many tears on you, you should have had my smiles, my laughter, but not my tears, not at your age, at that stage in our lives. After her death I stayed close to my family for a while, but since well, I looked like the same age I had been when I conceived my Felicity, I had to leave. I kept my eye on them and their children and so on. Even today, I can find all of my relatives if I try. Keeps me busy. Some of them look like me. Others remind me of you, Mulder. I've even met a few who looked like Frohike. Heredity is such an amazing thing. December 12, 2272 Dear Fox, Well, that is it. I just have some finishing thoughts. Life is such a silly thing. I've seen every type of death, every walk of life. I have an entire future to live. Yet, I am stuck in the past. I think I remember when it happened. When I was shot in New York City, and that man had given his immortal seeming life for my own. I've tried his approach. But, the devil doesn't want me. And if God did, he would have taken me a long time ago. As much as I have my faith, every day it grows weaker, how can I believe in a God that will not answer my prayers to be with you, with my Lissie, with my mother and father, with Skinner, with everyone else. I want to cry, but again the tears cannot find me, my eyes remain dry and blue, they have not been blurred by red, hot tears that used to come when I cried. I wish that I could die, so that my body can find peace, and I can be with you. Is it so bad to be immortal? Imagine all I can still see. Imagine all I have seen. Is it worth it? I am reminded of a book I read when I was still believed that I was mortal. Tuck Everlasting, I am like that. I am Scully Everlasting, even in thousands of years when my body may appear dead, my mind; my soul will be as everlasting as ever. So how I must live. Next month will be the start of yet another year. I will remember their deaths. I will remember you, and Felicity, and Skinner, and all of those that I have loved. Maybe next year I can cry. End Author's Notes: I am glad that you are still reading. Thanks to the Church of X for such a great and unusual story challenge. I never thought about Scully's immortality before. It was quite challenging to do. I thought that after a few centuries of the emotional roller coaster that she has been put on, she would be a different person. Do you think that she is crazy? I know that if I was immortal, I would go crazy. Sorry if you are disturbed, but honestly, if you were immortal what would bother you after 300 years? Probably, just the fact that you can't die. If you want some more to the story, e-mail me!